for as much as i'm trying my hardest to control my emotions, some things just really erk me to no end and one of those is ppl not being clean. i can not stand for things to be filthy and for ppl to not bathe and such.
anyway, like i've said, i'm a clean freak and i expect that from the girl that is working for us as well. yeah, i know i said that i'd never get another person to work here, but we did. and right now i need it because i can't clean the house or do much of anything, so it's good that she's here... or at least i think so on some days.
today, while sitting downstairs and having breakfast, i started thinking about this girl, her room and the fact that she's taken some of my hair things w/out asking and is wearing them. this is something that the previous girl did and i'm not in the mood for that crap to start happening again. i haven't said anything to her about this and it's been happening for months now... i guess my logic has been why say something coz the hair thing didn't cost hardly anything, but really, when you look at it, it's the principle of the matter, not the cost of the item.
if she had asked me, i would have given her the hair clips... but she didn't. instead, she chose to take them from my stuff and wear them w/out asking. my husband says it's because i'm too nice to her and give she and her husband things... because of this she thinks she can take anything. i don't know what it is, but i put an end to it today.
i guess about two months ago, she and her husband (who works for my FIL) were living in the room downstairs (inside the house) which is our office. after seeing ants going in and out of the room from under the door, i decided to go in there and have a look at how they were keeping the room. mind you, i had told her to keep that room clean and since she has friday's off, to clean it on fridays. needless to say, i called my husband to the room immediately so he could see how they had been living. the room was beyond filthy. it was at this point that we decided to have them move to the room outside. you wouldn't believe what the room looked like. the small fridge we let them use was so dirty and something from inside had leaked all over the nice carpet i put in there and they hadn't bothered to clean it up so there were dead ants all over the floor that they had obviously killed but neglected to clean the crap from the floor, food was on the floor and under their bed, dirty plates were on the cabinets, ants were everywhere and it smelled bad.
while they were moving their things, i came across my glasses on their bed. these are my prescription glasses which had been in the kitchen. i took them and immediately asked my husband why they were in her room. he asked her husband and her husband said that they weren't using them... ok, if they weren't using them, then why were they in that room?!! i had obviously made the mistake of giving her husband prescription glasses from satiya, the girl that used to work for us, so maybe they assumed they could have the other ones... i don't know but i don't go for that stuff. this was the first of it. then, i saw one of my hair clips in her room, then she had taken several things off of the computer desk and was using this stuff for her personal use. as soon as i saw this, i took it back and put it back on the computer desk - but didn't say anything. well, that afternoon, i went in the computer room and the stuff that i had taken back was again missing. so... i told my husband and he asked her about it. she denied having it and pretended to not know what he was talking about.
what did i do? i went out to her room and asked for the items. she said she didn't have them and i told her that i knew she had them and to give them to me. she then went to the cabinet and took the items out. i took them from her and told her that these are mine, not yours and you can not have them. ok.. that was settled, or so i thought.
so, i guess for the last couple of weeks, she's been sporting another of my hair clips. every time i see it in her hair, it pisses me off, but i don't say anything. well, today when i made the surprise inspection of their room - for the main purpose of seeing if she's taken anything else of mine and to see if she has my other missing hair clips - i see that their room is absolutely filthy. as i said, we give her friday's off and i've told her multiple times to clean her room on fridays, which she said that she was doing.... but she is not.
when i went out there, for one, i could hardly fit through the door of the room. yeah, ok, i feel like a cow right now ... maybe even look like one too, but when you can't fit thru the doorway of a room... well, that makes you feel your size real quick and it did. but, believe me, i managed to get in there and i'm glad i did. (thought i'd add a little humor for all of your amuzement! ;) )
but, i couldn't get thru the door because they have sooooo much stuff all over the floor and such...
their trash can was completely full and there were ants coming out of it.... that was the first thing to set me off. and then, her husband, who stays w/ her in the room, has been smoking and putting his butts out on the top of the trash can and they don't clean it, so, not only could that cause a fire, but.... it was disgustingly filthy. then, they had old plates of food in there, which i've told them time and time again to not leave uneaten food or dirty plates in their room because it attracts bugs - and how ppl could sleep w/ bugs crawling around everywhere and such is beyond me. the carpet was gross and covered w/ crap... the bathroom, well, i could hardly get the door open but when i did, it's rather obvious that they don't clean the bathroom. the toilet seat was covered w/ fresh and caked-on urine. obviously her husband doesn't lift the lid to urinate and there was piss all over the top of the lid. now... you wanna talk about mad... well, this really made me mad. i wondered how she's going to the bathroom... does she sit down on that crap?!! they don't use anything to wipe - no toilet paper or anything, which i don't get, but, again, my husband says it's a cultural thing and something they're not raised w/... ok... i get that... but for God's sake, CLEAN THE BATHROOM.
i looked around for stuff... but, i was so angry that i didn't look in the cabinets or drawers to see if my clips or anything else was there. yeah, you might say it's an invasion of their privacy, but i'm to the point that i don't care. when you take my things w/out asking, then i feel like i have the right to look thru your stuff. call me a beeaatch if you want to and i'm sure they think i'm one, but, again, i don't care.
after squeezing my fat bod thru their doorway again and claiming freedom to myself, i came inside, went upstairs and immediately started telling her that i will not stand for her room to be dirty. (i don't yell.... i just get a real stern sound in my voice, which i think is enough) i told her that i have told her on many occasions that she is to clean her room on fridays and she isn't doing it. i told her that she is to go there right now, clean the trash, the bathroom and pick up everything that is laying everywhere in that room. funny how she never knows what i mean when i saw "now", but she understood me this time.
this is when i called my husband and insisted that he call her husband and send him to the house. when her husband arrived, my husband had also arrived, and i proceeded to tell her and her husband that i will not stand for that room to be a mess. i asked them if they live like this in sri lanka, he said nothing. i asked if they clean their house there and again he said nothing. i told him that i have told her over and over again to keep that room clean, and then i told him that i will not stand for them pissing on the top of their toilet seat and that this is their last chance to keep that room clean. he got a smile on his face, which pissed me off and i let into him a little more. he's a dirty person and why he can't lift the lid to pee is something i can't understand.
what i've done in the past, when she refuses to listen to what i saw and follow my directions is take things from them... like the DVD player we were allowing them to use. i told her that if she doesn't do as i say, then i will take the TV. this seems to work... believe me. because the last time, when she kept leaving the windows open and our cats would get out or the outside cat would get in, i'd ask her who left the window open and she'd swear she didn't do it... well, i know i didn't do it and the hubby didn't do it... so did the cats open the window???? this is when i got mad and took the DVD player. since then, the window has never been opened again, except to clean it and it's always closed properly.
oh... and while i was telling him all of this to tell to her - because she doesn't or pretends to not understand most of what i say, i went up to her and pointed to my hair clip in her hair and told her that that hair clip is MINE. and that she is not to take anything else that belongs to me and asked, "is that clear?". i told her that satiya used to do that and that i made it perfectly clear when she came and was trained by this other woman NOT to take my things and here she has been taking my hair clips. i told her to keep that hair clip because i didn't want it, and that if she had asked, i would have given it to her, but that if she took anything else w/out asking, i would not stand for it. i should have told her that i would take the money from her salary, since that seems to work in making sure something is done properly.
so.... i guess about 20 mins ago, she came into the bedroom to clean our bathroom. i could tell from her sniffling and such that she had been crying... yes, i felt like a cad, but... if i don't act like that, they refuse to do as i say.... so... she went into the bathroom and i went in there after her. i lifted the toilet seat and told her that for now on she is NOT TO ALLOW her husband to pee all over the toilet seat. i asked her how she goes to the bathroom w/ the toilet seat covered in piss (this is the only word she knows in english for urine) and she just looked at me. i told her that for now on, her husband is not to piss on the toilet seat and that if he does, he will not be staying w/ her in the room any longer. we shall see what happens.
yeah, i'm a bitch on days... especially w/ my pregnancy, but because i was shown the true sense of what happens, if you don't say anything, w/ the last girl that worked for us, it has changed me and i won't go thru that crap again.
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11 comments:
Tooners, you're not a bitch, their behaviour is out of line, you were quite right to say all that you did. It's your house and your possessions.
The man works for your FIL? What does he do? And how is his behavior there?
moody, he's a maintenance and yard guy. he basically does whatever they need - cleaning and such. when his wife first came here to work for us, he started slacking big time on his duties and my FIL got very angry and gave him a big talking to - and they basically told him that he could only see his wife once a week and couldn't stay here w/ her. since moving her to the room outside, he has moved back in w/ her but w/out the knowledge of my FIL and such. his work has gotten better because my FIL doesn't put up w/ anything and would get rid of him in an instant if he wasn't doing a good job... so, basically, he stays pretty afraid of my FIL like everyone employed by him. i was told that money has come up missing at my MILs school and they think he's taking coins at night when he's cleaning, but there is no proof to this... i don't know if he's doing it or not.
Tooners, please don't call yourself a bitch, I think you made your expectations quite clear and they are not abiding by your wishes and taking priviledges that are totally uncalled for. I would hate to be in your position but you are doing the right thing. Sounds like you are getting experience for dealing with an unruly child...
I support what you did. but i would support u more if you could do it without getting so angry. you are pregnant, dear.
If what you did is bitchie, then what is not? Come on, u were good i would react worse.
So after such stress you need to spend few weeks in back yard at the fresh air looking at the flowers:)
Take it easy, even if its hard. Try.
I agree with the others about you not being a 'bitch' in this situation because it appears that the couple don't seem to understand any other approach. In fact, I just can't fathom people like these - why do they not listen when talked to properly? Why do they 'get it' only when we lose our cool? I've met quite a few people who just look through me if I talk or request nicely, but if I raise my voice and talk rudely then immediately they understand everything. Wonder why some people are like that...??!!
Well, the reason I felt like a bitch earlier was becuase I felt bad when I saw that she was crying and because when I look back at how angry I got, I think I'm sometimes bad about scaring ppl. Altho, the hubby told me, when I told him she was crying, that it was probably all for show. She acts like a princess most days, lies and says she's done things when it's obvious she hasn't... so, if it doesn't change, she'll see more and more of my mean moods. Sadly, when I'm nice, they take advantage of me.
And yes, one wink, that's how I feel... like I'm getting experience in dealing w/ trouble. I'll be more than prepared when the baby comes if he messes w/ me! ;) ;)
Oh man, I can never understand people like that. How does she clean your house and then not clean her own room?
And no no no, you were not a bitch - just asking for what you expect from someone in your employ. And you approach it well, since it seems just talking is not enough.
Our house keeper in Tx was from El Salvador and was perfection itself. My cousin had one from Guyana and she was the tops. I can't believe Bahrain is so full of terrible domestic staff, how bloody annoying...
*hugs*
Oh my - you don't need to fill your mind with all this stuff when you are ready for a little baby to fill your life with sweetness! Hey, just give her a handful of hair clips.
Can't you sack her?
About cleanliness - well, it's grotty alright do they have to live on your premises? Can't they live downtown?
It's just not on for you to be hassled like this.
But one thing - I'm very casual about things like a bit of dust - but I am fussy about people leaving plates of food around. Kitchen stuff has to be moderately tidy.
Your husband has to be supportive of you NOW when you are distressed like this. Get another woman to help urgently - even one of his aunts of his mum. Don't have a paid househelper because this one just isn't worth it.
W.
tooners,do your self a favour and get rid of those losers,for one thing you dont need the stress,and two things,you cant be bringing a new baby into filth,the piss thing is disgusting never mind the ants overrunning your house,it's not going to get any better while thay are their!
olivia, i'll tell ya, those spanish or latina housekeepers ARE the best. my sister had one come in and she was sooo impressed at how well she cleaned... things that my sister hadn't even touched in a long time were spotless. i only wish we got the same here - and maybe some do, but i have yet to find anyone like this. my FIL's business is bringing in these women and such, and the women they have, i wouldn't even have in my home. but they have 4 or so women working in their house, so things stay tip top all the time and such.
wendy, yes, i agree... dealing w/ this stress is something i don't want right now. the hubby heard from me on this as well.. and his needing to support how i feel about this, not that he doesn't but he's much more reserved about how he handles it than me and i sometimes have a hard time w/ that, and what really gets me is that he can say things one time to her and she does it, but me... it takes me time and time again to get her to do something. as far as sending them elsewhere to live, no... that would cost too much and my FIL would never agree to that and since her husband works for him, it wouldn't be possible. they are living outside the house now, in a room outside, which is tons better, but i found out today that they have stopped up the entire plumbing system in that room and we have to call a service now to come and clean the pipes - what they've been putting down the toilet and such - i can only imagine. i will keep her until i have the baby and to help at first because i'm having a c-section, BUT... she will not be dealing w/ or handling the baby. after that, i will clean myself. and no, i only wish i could get help like an aunt or MIL, but they do NO CLEANING whatsoever... and have multiple housemaids in their employment to do everything. life here is totally different and most do nothing whatsoever w/ respect to cleaning and such. i'm looked at oddly for doing things myself, to be honest. if anything, his mother would send over one of her indonesian housemaids and i can't stand those women, so i would never do it. w/ our girl, i insist on her being clean, washing her hands regularly and such, altho it's very difficult to get her to bathe.... which i'm assuming is because it's cold here, i'm not sure. my big thing right now is just allowing myself to dismiss things and not getting upset about something.. and like you, a little dust doesn't bother me, but pure filth, i will not put up w/. our house is not dirty, but her room is what sent me into a rage. i insist on everything being clean and have to stay on top of her w/ the slightest thing. honestly, i expect no less of her than i expect from myself.
gazza, yes, i totally agree. them peeing on the top of the toilet seat totally disgusted me. how someone can be so dirty is beyond me, and it makes me wonder how they lived in their country, who cleaned there and did the do the same there - which is probably yes. oh believe me... the baby won't be around that room she's in or be handled by her, so no dirtiness will be transferred to the baby. i'm really a germ phob, so i don't plan on allowing her to do anything w/out my knowledge and w/out my knowing that she's clean before she ever tried to touch the baby.
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