bring on the rain... some stress needs to be washed away!

the wind is crazy outside.... which makes me wonder if it's going to rain. i hope. it hasn't rained in about a month and it'll probably be the last good one until next year... so i'm really hoping there'll be a down pour. we shall see.

the baby is doing a lot better now, since we changed his formula once again. i hadn't really gone into what was happening to him w/ this other formula, but it had gotten to a point that i was seriously concerned about him. when we first brought him home from the hospital, the pharmacist recommended that we use a formula called S26-LF. well, come to find out, this is lactose free... and after he started having problems w/ this one, we changed over to the Gold formula which contained milk products.

at first he was ok on this and really liked it. but soon enough, he started having severe cramping while drinking the formula and they were so bad that he'd claw at his face or mine if i was close enough, he'd scream at the top of his lungs, wave his arms violently thru the air, or grip my fingers so tight that his little fingers would turn white, his eyes would either dart back and forth or roll into the back of his head... and this would go on for the entire feeding period. then, when he'd have movements, he'd usually get the same thing w/ major grunting and crying... which i assumed was from it hurting or him being constipated or something.

i first called the dr. that saw him while we were in the hospital. we took him after his circumcision to have it looked at and it was at that time that i told the dr. what he was experiencing when drinking his formula. the dr. sorta blew me off and said that it was normal. since i'm not a dr. and figured that i was being overly worried, i allowed myself to believe what the dr. was saying. oh yeah, this was when he was using the lactose free formula. after we switched the formula - because i was worried that he might not be able to tolerate milk products later in life if we kept w/ this particular kind - i called the dr. to advice him again about what the baby was doing w/ the new Gold formula. again, he told me not to worry about it and to try it for another week and if it didn't improve, to switch again.

i don't know if any of you have ever experienced this, but i don't know of any mother that can sit and watch her child cry this way when he's feeding or watch a baby scratch at their face because of the pain that they're in. it was killing me, and all i could do was pray that the pain would pass and try to talk him thru it.... only to have it come and go like cramping w/ every feeding.

so after talking to a dr. friend of mine, i got referred to another pediatrician in Saar that was supposed to be really good. being one who doesn't care for drs. that have no bedside manner, i called and made an appt. w/ this dr. immediately because not only was he good but i was told that he was very patient w/ new parents and would answer any questions that you had. w/ that info alone, i knew he was the one. we take naief in and the dr. immediately starts asking me questions about what was happening. oh yeah... because the pain was so severe for naief, i had the hubby videotape it so that the dr. could see that i wasn't exaggerating about the severity of the pain. but... wouldn't you know it, we forgot the damn tape! well... it didn't matter because the dr. started asking me questions and it was obvious he believed me and knew what was happening. he even asked if the baby was arching backwards w/ his head and back... which he was... if he was throwing up and he was.... and so on and so on. i didn't know that the arching of the back was an indication of a problem.

so... after examining the baby, the dr. decided/determined that he was having acid problems. so we have now changed to a new formula that has changed my babies temperament and, most significantly, reduced his pain to almost nothing. he does still cry and grunt when going to the bathroom, but he is no longer having fits of pain when he's taking the bottle. the new formula is great and doesn't hurt him at all... but... he doesn't like the taste as much and since it's much thicker, i had to cut all the nipples so that he could get it out. at first... it reminded me of when i was trying to breastfeed... because, like i said, he doesn't like to work for the milk, and when he saw that he was having to suck really hard to get this new formula to come out, he went into little baby fits again... so like any good mommie, i cut the nipples to make the holes larger and it worked. he gobbles it down, most times... and there is no more throwing up, no severe pain attacks.... nothing. i feel so happy now and am so happy that he's not in pain any more.

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we downloaded the first episode of Season 3 of Lost. i wasn't sure what to expect, but the three characters that were taken at the season finale are now in the hands of the "others" and it looks to me that the experiments have begun. what was really odd though was at the beginning when it showed ppl in their houses talking about a book they were going to read in a reading group or some such thing... and all of a sudden it seemed as though an earth quake was coming, then they all went outside and looked into the sky and saw the plane coming down.... then all of a sudden you realized that these ppl were actually the "others" and that their perfect little neighborhood was actually on the other side of this island. it's weird.

i'm truly wondering what's going to happen to all of them and have a feeling that they'll be like rats in a science lab for a while.... and wondering if Sayid made it back to the camp and what's happening w/ all the others at the camp and if they'll continue to push the button... so i can hardly wait to see the new few episodes. but you're right Gazza, i do think this season is going to be weird.

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oh yeah... went to the American Embassy today to get a passport for the baby... and here i am, an american, have been all my life and lived all my life in the States, but i'm having to prove to them, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that i'm actually american. it's starting to really get to me.

here, since being in bahrain, i have met several ppl that have gone to the states to live w/ their husbands, got pregnant and had the baby there, and they got american passports for their kids... but they are now living in bahrain and have no intentions of living in the states.... but the kids have the passports... and i know of another few ppl who went there right before giving birth, had their kid, left after getting the proper documents (SS card, passport) and didn't even pay their hospital bills.. but they get the passport.... and i'm having to go thru everything i have to give them documents to prove that i'm american.

when i was young, my father died. my mother remarried and for the longest time i thought my step dad was my real father. after i guess the 9th grade, i found my birth certificate and realized that he wasn't. after this, i started going by my real last name for a while but since all of my official documents were in this other last name, it was easier to stick w/ that. it wasn't until i was in my 20s that i had my name legally changed to reflect my real father's last name. so... after years of apt. dwelling.... and moving around, i have no idea where any of these documents are.. the official ones like the legal document for the name change, etc. now, after having to get records from schools to prove that i went to school in the states and lived there, i have come to realize that it's going to be very difficult for me to prove things because some of these schools have my other last name... and i have no way of proving that it is actually me.

i get mad when i think about it. i know why my mom did this but i disagree w/ it. it's causing a major headache for me now... and i'm about to throw my hands in the air and say forget it... we'll have a bahraini passport for him and not worry about the american passport... but since i'm american, i really would like my child to have opportunties that i had and be able to go to school there later w/out paying huge costs for schooling.... just so many things. plus, later, if we/he wanted to relocate there, it would make things so much easier.

i'm in a real funk about all of this. have been calling schools trying to get information ... but it's such a pain in the butt. so far i can prove 4 years, but they have to have at least 5. you would think that my birth certificate would prove something. they even looked at other school records, but they weren't good enough. i took pictures and they said yeah it would work, but it didn't. i guess i was too young. i'm not one for keeping tons of receipts and such from previous years... i have bank statements but nothing that shows 4 years consistently... i have things that have come to my addresses in the states, but they say it shows a snapshot of a period... not anything substantial.

i'm just miffed that i'm having to do this. having to make the calls, having to find the information when i'm an american. when i worked, these ppl would lie on their visa apps and get visas w/out a problem w/out having to prove anything. other ppl go to the states and get passports for their kids and have to prove nothing... but here i am an american and having to go thru this crap. at least they were nice today. the other day a few of them were quite rude... which i've seen in the past when trying to get a visa for my husband.

and to beat all... when we went last week, we took naief w/ us to prove that we have a baby. they had to look at him and all ... then they told us that we didn't have to bring him back this time, that all we had to bring back were the documents. so off we go to the embassy today, and wouldn't you know it... they said they didn't remember us and that they didn't see the baby! i was so pissed. even the girl that looked at him for a good solid 2 minutes, said she didn't remember seeing him. i thought hashim was going to have to go back home and get him to take him there once again, but finally she remembered when she looked at his birth certificate. she remembered us from the conversation we had about his name spelling. the woman tried to tell me that she always writes on the forms that she saw the baby.... well, she didn't write on any form that she gave us.... so i guess she was a bit mistaken about that.

maybe i should give up my citizenship, become bahraini and forget about the u.s. i feel like it. i get so sick of their crazy ways and the way they investigate you down to the underwear you're wearing! kidding... but it feels like it.