since i'm not really in the mood or have time to write a lot, thought i'd post a few poems i wrote back in 2003... after the hubby left for bahrain and i stayed behind. not only to get things ready and packed for the big trip across the seas, but to also get the cats ready for shipping and to also go and see my family before my move to that little bitty island across the seas. this is when the Gulf War broke out and all flights were cancelled, indefinitely, to the ME. luckily, i got the cats shipped and they were in london - soon to be in bahrain and our shipment was about to leave.... and i was about to leave for california w/out knowing when i'd ever see hashim again.
before leaving our house in denton, texas, i became deeply depressed. i spent many a day crying and asking God to take the pain from me.... hence my poetry. i don't write, a lot of times, in rhyme, but more free verse. it may seem stupid to many, but it gets out my emotions and helps in the journey.... i hope you enjoy.
Yesterday
Yesterday is today already and
tomorrow as well
I think of yesterday, that day
the 21st and wonder,
Did I give the right farewell?
I remember yesterday...
being in the house with you
The sound of the wood beneath our feet,
the backyard, and the stores up the street.
I remember our bed and watching TV all night
That day at the airport, the 21st....
I left early that day.
If only I could go back and have you
kiss my tears away.
If only I had hugged you that morning
and all throughout the day.
Would it make a difference?
Would it change how I feel right now?
No, I don't believe so...
But, if I could make a wish
and have it come true....
my wish would be....
To be there with you.
For yesterday is today and
tomorrow as well....
Yesterday will come many more days
from now.
One of these days, I hope yesterday
is the day that I will be there
with you.
Sunrise
Sunrise
Peaks through the shades of my still room
As I awake to a world
that is silent, and
empty
Your cologne
I'm curled up in a place where I can still smell you
and feel the lingering touch from your hand
The room where I lay is lonesome
It feels strange
I feel bare as I call your name
Only to remember …. you're not here
Nowhere… no place
You're not around
As I turn over to lie in the spot
Where you once could have been found
I linger too long listening to your voice
Funny, but I can still hear its' sound
My world
It feels empty without you
I cry and feel lonely throughout the long nights
I'm alone with my sadness
While looking for that star that once shown bright
The light from another morning
brightly shines through my window now
Sunrise
I ask for you to warm me
Help me come out from beneath this blue cloud
Salt Filled Coffee
I sit here drinking my coffee
This house is utterly bare
The silence, it echoes as
my heart screams
Salt cakes my dry lips from tears
streaming without obedience
as I try to overlook this pain
I linger too long
Waiting for you
to call
For as strong as I may seem
I am crippled with insecurities
I assure you
Will you love me less because of this?
I ask my mind over
and again
As I sing to myself
The memory of your kiss
forever tattooed on my lips
My tongue slowly caresses the dryness
Hoping for that one last taste
Of you
But ….. I have only
Salt filled coffee
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21 comments:
I remember those days as if they were yesterday. I love what you wrote, and to me personally, the words touch me deeply.
Thank God for everything that happened, for we would never be here now if things were any different.
The poems are beautiful but so sad, which imho only makes them even more beautiful. I am so glad things worked out for you!
Oh dear Lord, I'm about to go through something very similar. A very important person in my life is going home after spending a year here with me and I just feel crippled because I don't know when I'll see him again. All I can do is what you did, cry and pray to God to take the pain away. And hope I see him again as soon as possible... I'm glad things have worked out for you though. Wish me luck :(
hashim, yes, Thank God. :)
gardens of sand, sometimes sadness and depression are the only things that allow my mind to open - to embrace that deep side of myself.. i hope that never stops. thank you for your words,they touch my heart.
i also believe that sadness beckons you to it.. it's one of those that need company :)
june, i wish you luck, peace, happiness and, most of all, love. don't forget the love. sometimes things can feel like too much, but it's the love that can pull you through. and God.
i can remember a day when i stood, screamed and cried as loud as i could while in thh shower. begging God to help me... to take it away.
my wish seemed to be his command and it helped... a lot. i felt better for days.
my heart reaches to you... it's gonna be tough at first.. especially when you love someone so much. my heart is with you. come by any time... actually, would have loved to meet you at the last female bloggers mtg. hopefully the next. you'll have to let me know how it goes w/ all of this. my mind will wonder about you and how you're doing.
also, keep a shirt of his that he wears a lot. have his cologne on it... keep it some place and pick it up just to smell... it's nothing compared... and can bring a longing... but there's something about it... it comforts.
Oh my gosh. Speechless. Beautiful. x
Very touching love poems, and oh dear, lots of us have been there when there is an inter-cultural relationship. In our story, I left with three children for my partner to follow fairly quickly - but it turned out to be five long months.
w.
Not a dry eye in the house,lol,wonderful poems.
Oh honey...such beautiful words you write. Either I'm really starting to ovulate or you must be in some kind of funk. Chin up sweetie, just remember that sex is fun and a miniskirt is just cheeky! The pictures of the baby are too cute for words. I just love babies! Speaking of which, my best friend in the whole world is finally pregnant, I think I might have mentioned that in an earlier comment to you. I just cannot wait for her to pop the baby out. Either it's a girl or a gay boy...either that baby comes out reading Vogue or singing Madonna or Jenni can stuff the baby back in and ask for a refund.
I have been wondering if you are on myspace at all. I would love to add you as a friend, I also asked Olivia. I have a blog on there as well and sometimes the posts there and on my lostboy page are interchangeable but sometimes not. I have been busy this month and trying to get ready for moving on Thursday...but I posted 2 very different posts today, and I thought you might find them of interest...I send you many hugs and I hope you are doing well. I am blessed to know such 2 fine ladies as yourself and Olivia.
olivia, well goodness... thank you!
wendy, i'd love to hear about your story. it turned out to be close to 4 mths for us, but the kicker is when i got to calif., his mother and father decided we couldn't get married! and refused to allow me to come... so what did i do? bought a plane ticket, got on a plane and came anyway. figured his father didn't own this country and wouldn't tell me what i could and couldn't do... and, i'm glad i did it... and that i'm so stubborn.
gazza, oh gazza, i knew you'd be touched!! ;)
christopher, i'll tell ya... what is it about gay guys and their ability to know things about us women!! you hit it right on.. i am in a funk. have been for a bit... hopefully it'll dry up soon enough... but then again, sometimes i enjoy the feeling... weird, huh?! can't wait to visit your blog. there's many that i need to touch base w/. i can't wait until ur friend's baby comes along... the stories, i know, will be the best.
and how is it that you always make me laugh!! love the sex part and miniskirt... think i might try it out tonight!! :) but crap, think i gave all my hooker shoes away! ;) but hey... might have at least one pair tucked way back in there!
Amen.
(What else can I say?)
See? Ya laughed...that just tells me "Well, this girl's got some snap left in her garter!"
Gay men and women. Well it's a strange thing. I think that the relationships that many gay men have with women, mirror a coupling almost. I think Will & Grace was realistic on some levels (though I have read in some Queer media, that the author of the article criticizing the show thought it was unrealistic and worthless...I think he missed the point. Ellen was killed, W&G won many Emmy's and I am sorry, even though people bitch about stereotypes, those stereotypes do exist, no matter what the culture) with how the interaction was between the leading characters. They practically had a marriage, but without sex. Karen and Jack were always scheming and up to something..Karen was a pillpopping alchoholic who had millions of $ at her disposal and never let her Jackie suffer.
I absolutely love the relationships I have with women. One woman I absolutely adore beyond words, I have what she calls a "big old gay crush" on her, which is so true. She just makes me melt, she's so beautiful a person inside and out..on top of that she's feisty and makes me laugh. Funnily enough when she first met me, we were at a party and this was when I had just gotten back from San Francisco, so due to my "habits" in SF I was quite leaner, and had my usual half pound of makeup on and was I was kind of shy, I didn't know anyone really there. Erin (thats her name) saw me and just fell in love....that is, until I opened my mouth and said something bitchy and her response was "Motherfucker! Why are they always gay? Now I can't be his girlfriend we have to be friends..." and it is one of my most treasured friendships. No matter what, men and women will always need one another on some level.
I'm sorry that you've been blue...now you just put on that miniskirt, find those hooker shoes, push up the twins, and hold your head up high...I just wish I could be like Abe Lincoln and emancipate you!
Please post more pictures of your baby, he's just so adorable...i love it when they smile!
lovely words, but sad..separation is never easy. I remember last summer when my Ty left for the whole summer. felt the same.
Um Naief, you're lovely. I wish I could have met you too but I'm all the way in London and am so very far away :( Thank you for your lovely words, you seem to really understand. It's awful, the worst kind of hell, I think. I'll keep you posted definitely. Thank you so much. And you know what? Your own story gives me hope. Kisses and hugs
no way it is not sad to express yourself through poetry , I realy could feel that love and pain that you were feeling in your poetry.
Hehe, Christopher!
I used to have a gay friend at uni, and my roomie and I used to go out to dinner with him. He said he enjoyed eating with me.
Have you ever heard of the gay guys who marry their best girl friends?
um naief
I didn't know that you write poems. Nostalgic due to the separation !!
Do you have more ??
No updates ?
...came back to wish you a belated Happy Birth day Um Naief.
How are you Um Naief? Hope you're not too blue. xxx
Um Naeif,
I didn't know you had such a way with words. You are fortunate. As it happens, I've been reading a lot of poetry lately. Lots of time on my hands you see. And it does help to immerse yourself in your own sadness sometimes, doesn't it?
I wish I could. I wish I could keep the pain & sadness from turning into well, other things. Maybe the poetry - including yours - will help me to do that?
I especially love the last poem.
olivia, yeah, i think i've come outta it... at least for a little while. sometimes it hits me and sticks for days... but thankfully i feel better now :)
loulou, i actually posted these for you. i think i acted too quickly in the things i said earlier on your blog... when truthfully, my heart aches for yours. i know exactly what you're going thru... i just hope things change soon for you because when it drags out... it's just too hard on all involved.
jac, sorry, i forgot to add you... ;)
yeah, i've written poetry for a long time... usually about sad things, but i have a few that aren't. i hope you like it and have posted a few more that i hope you and others will like.
and thanks for the bday wishes!! :)
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