One of my blog buddies (Christopher aka Kissyfur aka The Diary of a Lost Boy) recently posted on my Back in Time post and asked if I was sad... I guess I am sad, in a way. Why is it that gay guys always know how to read me?!! Even in the past, they've always known.. it's like they can see right into my soul, and he's no different. Even when I try to hide it... you always know my friend.
So... this is it... or part of it... actually most of it... ;)
Naief has been sick for the last 5 months, off and on, and I feel exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally.
I promised to myself and Hashim that I wouldn't take him to my MILs school again after he got well this past time, but what did I do??? Because everyone was asking me why I don't bring him and such, and not wanting to seem like a bitch - I allowed the woman who works for us to take him there for short periods of time a couple of days last week - thinking that the short periods of time would keep him from catching anything, and it allowed me time to get a few things done, walk on the treadmill, etc. But as my mother pointed out, it's not going there that will make him ill... it's the germs floating around in the air that I need to worry about and the toys... since he wants to put everything into his mouth, and she was right. (I wish my mom was here to give me motherly advice all the time!! or at least not so far away... which is another reason for my sadness, but anyway...)
Needless to say, he got sick again. One of his cousins was deathly sick as well as the housemaid that watches him, and since his mother sends him to the school come hell or high water, every child catches what her child has, and Naief was no different.... and he's been super sick for the last 4 days.
This time it's the worst cold he's had. He has an upper respiratory infection and is having a hard time shaking the fever that is accompanying it... altho today, he seems much better. He can actually breathe outta his nose and he slept thru the night last night, which gave both of us much needed rest.
So... all of this has been taking a major toll on me. Today has been the first day that he's slept/napped w/out insisting on my holding him... and hasn't cried for most of the day... and I feel so thankful.
It's so difficult to see him sick. I can hardly take him having a hard time breathing and hearing him cough... it's tough. The smallest of things will upset him and if I get moody, well... he can feel it and it upsets him, and then it upsets me, so it's like a vicious circle that won't stop revolving around and around and around.
Yesterday (I think it was yesterday), he was downstairs in the kitchen w/ me and I was making dinner. He was on the floor crawling around, playing w/ his toys and then all of a sudden he burst out crying. I ran over to him and he was face down on the tile. My heart leaped... let me tell ya. I picked him up and got a tissue to wipe his eyes and mouth and when I did, there was blood. I looked down at him and there was blood coming from his mouth, which terrified me. All I could think is that he knocked a tooth loose or busted his lip or something.
Thankfully I'm really good at handling extremely stressful situations, so I was able to act fast.
I wiped the blood from his mouth and tried to look in his mouth but he was having nothing of it. I got out the water and gave him a big drink from it - knowing that the cold will help to slow down the blood flow, and then I put him back on my legs and asked to look in his mouth. Usually he won't allow it, but he did (obviously seeing the seriousness in my eyes), and there was blood between his two front teeth, so I took the tissue and had him bite on it and then looked again. I checked his teeth to make sure they weren't loose and then looked at his lips and from what I can tell, it was coming from the little piece of tissue (can't remember what it's called) that connects the lip to the gums...
After a few minutes, it stopped bleeding and he was fine, but my heart wasn't for a while.
Now I find that I'm afraid to even let him crawl around on the floor... but I know things will happen and he's going to get hurt, it's a part of life... but it's hard to see your baby bleeding. Makes me feel like a bad mother.
So... w/ this happening, my falling last week w/ him in my arms and then w/ him being sick again... I have felt like I'm doing something wrong and it's taking the life from me, for the most part or has when I let it...
I've started walking w/ him in the mornings and it seems to be helping both of us. Figuring the sun and fresh air will do him and mommy good, and since the weather is getting much cooler, I'm out trying to take full advantage of it, and think I'll continue doing it most mornings. Since he's waking up at 5:30 or 6 every morning... it gives both of us plenty of time to do things like this. And... it's helping my mood, so that's a plus, and he seems better today, so that's another plus.
On a lighter and more positive note, he has stopped crying in his highchair and is now eating w/out a problem... I think it was a phase and working him back into the routine of eating there, and he has also stopped crying in his stroller. We're able to walk for more than 40 mins without him having a problem... YAH!!! And he has started cruising along furniture or is starting to go there - taking little baby steps in that direction. He also participates in peek a boo and will slap me five... it's sooo cute!!
6 comments:
The early years are so hard and doctors always make you feel bad with the "is this your first child" it all gets better in time,but gets more expensive.........but worth it......you reap what you sow.....
Golly gosh, you are having a tough time. Little knocks and bumps are par for the course but when a kid has a bad cold/cough/near asthma then a mum can panic a bit. One of my kids used to have bronchial troubles sometimes and I sweated it out through the crisises!
Take it easy if you can and lean on the shoulder of a friend, preferably some older woman who's been there, done that, raised babies. And your husband of course is being supportive I'm sure.
w.
gazza, you're right.. the drs don't make you feel good about anything really. they have me all worried that it's allergies, but i looked it up on the net and i know he's not suffering from allergies. but all the meds they gave me are for allergies... but i guess better safe than sorry. it's just all very stressful.... and i agree.. you do reap what you sow!
wendy, you know, the sad thing about being here is that i don't have an older woman i can rely on to help me. all the women i know are first time mothers, like me. my MIL.. well, she believes a lot differently than i do w/ many things, so it's difficult. and as far as hashim being supportive, he is as much as he can be. at night he helps me and on the weekends, but i still find it stressful right now. i just really want naief to get well.... it's terrible. i can only imagine what you dealt w/ when your child was small. it's terrible when they're sick like this. i feel anxious because i'm so sad that he's sick and there's nothing i can do but wait it out. thank you for your advice ... i always appreciate it.
UmmNaief - chin up - it's tough when we live away from our family! What's worse is that little things are magnified when we're without that 'support'. The 'support' we do have are...like you said, they have totally different beliefs.
We used to have the same problem with our kids - except it was with visiting family without them warning us someone was sick in the house. It seems to be normal to bring really really sick kids to family gatherings and think nothing of it. I drew the last straw when someone brought their child with a temp of 103 and they were vomiting non-stop. I think it was selfish and the poor kid was miserable. Now, (although it may sound rude) I make it a point to ask if everyone is ok. It's just not fair for our kids to be chronically ill because of irresponsible choices of other parents.
Best of luck to you. By the way - cute blog! :)
L_Oman
I'm not a mother (although I wish I am), but my mother never failed to mention how I was always always sick as a child and hardly ever ate. She used to sit there feeding me and get overly excited when I actually swallowed the food, only to throw it up ALL at the end... Ah, and various other issues. I totally agree with gazza... and I also feel your pain of not having an older experienced person to go to for advice.
You're a good mother, at least thats what I get from reading your entries. As much as this sound like a total cliche, your unconditional love and warmth will get him through this. I believe that's how powerful a mother's love is.
He's such a cute kid, and I'll pray for him every chance I get. He'll be ok, I promise. Until then, hang in there... xxx
Gosh, why do kids that age always have something? Ever time I see my cousin's son Theo he's fighting an upper respiratory illness. Kids share germs like we share blog comments!
Anyway, I can definitely imagine how frightened you were picking N off the floor like that. But, an active boy will have many more bumps and scrapes for you to deal with.
I remember the first time I had a post-flu nosebleed, I didn't know it was a vessel, I actually thought I was bleeding from my brain or something!
You said something about flu in Bahrain. I thought that the virus is best transmitted in cold dry conditions, which is why it's common in winter, not summer. So when you say it's cool over there, are you talking 70 degrees ??? :P
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