bully on the playground

Tonight we took Naief to a park w/ slides, swings... you name it, they had it. He loves the place, and it exhausts him, so mommy and daddy love it! ;)

We go probably a few times a week, sometimes more, depending on schedules, but tonight was the first time for Naief to encounter a bully...

I've been wanting to write a post for a few days now on the differences between children from different cultures. Now... I'm no expert on the raising of children, that's a given, but I do believe you have to have discipline, teach a child right from wrong and such... as you all know.

SO....

Tonight Naief ran over to this one particular area that has a slide, a tunnel that you crawl through at the top w/ a slide at the other end that's enclosed ... and fun stuff like that. It's a favorite for him. As he started up the stairs, there was a little boy (Arab) at the top that first tried to push him off the stairs. This isn't a first... since some kids don't want other children in their 'play' space, so I figured he'd give up when Naief didn't, and go off to do his own thing. But... when that didn't work, he then waited for Naief to get to the top and proceeded to tackle him.... down to the floor/bottom of this thing! When he got 'em down, the kid got on top of him and wouldn't let him up.... even putting his arm around his neck and keeping it to the floor! Such a mean little boy!! He looked mean... isn't it sad that a child that young is so mean?! Makes me wonder what's happening at home.

Needless to say, Naief started to cry, and then I got worried that the child either took a bite or was trying to take a bite....

Hashim had to get Naief (I think hubby was in a coma or something... or just letting them fight it out or wanting to see what would happen because he just stood there for what seemed to be ages... I have no idea, but I was having none of it!!) and he literally had to pull the child off of him... while the father stood over to the side and said nothing. Only until we got the boy off, did his father come over and say that this child is trouble (all in Arabic to Hashim) and told the boy to get down, to which the boy got smart, refused and went on his merry little way. This kid was smaller than Naief... so I have no idea how old he was... maybe the same age... maybe younger.

With hesitation, Naief went back up the stairs and once he got to the top, all he could do was look behind himself to make sure the kid wasn't there and do this little whimpering thing. After some encouragement, he decided to go down the slide on our side, but didn't want to go back up after.....

Even after going over into the other areas w/ other slides and things, I noticed that he'd get sorta fearful when encountering other kids... altho, he did warm up to this cute little girl (who was Jordanian, come to find out) that was the same height and had light hair. She was also the same age as Naief. Her brother was there playing and became very protective of his sister when Naief got close. It was sweet. The brother was probably 7 or so. After obviously forgetting his worry, he eased up and started kicking the ball to Naief, which Naief loved. He'd run around kicking and trying to get the ball while squealing w/ glee! :)

Hashim thinks that Naief will probably be bullied in school. This makes me a bit sad to even think about, and you guys may be thinking "yeah, but that's a few yrs from now and you're right, but, lemme tell ya, that's all mothers talk about!!! "What school will you send Naief to?" "Have you thought about schools?" "Don't put him there, he'll be picked on" "I have a friend whose child was bullied in every school... his mother is an American."

Plus, all the good schools have waiting lists that can take yrs, so you have to plan ahead... (btw, the really good private schools are VERY, very expensive. you have your choice from a ton of others that are private, but they have their own pros and cons, w/ many being racist (from what I hear) , towards those that aren't pure Bahraini).

So... as you can see, one tends to think about these things quite a bit... and his being bullied for whatever reason, has concerned me and something I'd prefer not to happen... but I know that's not life. It will happen, at some point... maybe many times.

Anyway, after tonight's little reminder... I told Hashim that it would be good to get him into karate lessons (when he's old enough, of course) or something so he'd learn how to protect himself in case that ever happened. Plus, it'll give him a boost, if he were afraid, that he could possibly, hopefully, kick some major butt if it came down to it. And I like the thought of that!

Originally, my post was going to be about the way I see Arab kids behaving compared to Indian kids, especially the way they are w/ Naief... but tonight pretty much proved my point to be false (with the Jordanian kids and an Indian girl), so I'll wrap up w/ this point. I think bullying is derived from other underlying issues (sees same at home, not given enough love, attention, and/or ignored... causing the child to act out). It's sad to see so many parents not caring about their children. Not enough to discipline, give guidance, lead by example.... while giving the love and attention your child so desperately needs.

Why do almost all treat us the same?

Well.. the weekend is over and the new week has begun.... amazing how fast weeks pass by. It's also amazing how quickly I lose track of time. Sometimes I forget to return phone calls... only remembering weeks down the road.... makes me wonder if ppl think I'm trying to be rude, altho I do usually apologize.

I feel somewhat ho hum today... I guess sort of melancholy... not in a depressed sort of way, but in a heightened sense of thought sort of way.

Been thinking a lot about the girls/women I know that are married to Bahrainis... and wondering why it is that we all seem to have the same issues w/ in-laws. Of course, some having more extreme variations while others only get a kick in the knee every other Friday or so. One friend has issues w/ hers, but handles it well... instead of staying away all together, she goes to the family gatherings - staying for a good 8 hrs or longer - and enjoys it. She does it for her child. She gave me tips the other day on how to handle things and how to make the best out of the time you're there... like... instead of staying inside, go into the garden, walk around, be around the chickens, ducks, birds... and spend the time being w/ your child, instead of inside, miserable. Good advice, I think.

Others that I know hate their in-laws. I remember meeting this woman back some 2 yrs ago and her in-laws were so bad that they made up stories about how she was trying to kill the FIL. She works at a hospital here in Bahrain, her FIL had to have some tests, and since she was one of the ppl doing them, the MIL started saying that she hadn't done her job properly and was purposely keeping information from him so that he would die. This was only one of many things that she had to deal with.... thankfully I've never had anything like that to deal with... don't know that I would have the strength to persevere. I remember her telling me that they'd never make her leave... no matter how how they tried, she would not let them... and I can so understand this and relate to it... since I've had my share of ppl trying their best to break us up and make me leave... but that's another story for another day.

I know many that are fake around their in-laws... smiling, pretending, making believe that they like them.... I used to do this... did it for many, many years... but I don't any more. It's not me and I'm not the kind to kiss ass, just to kiss it. Now... I'm not saying it's a bad thing... I understand why one does it... but I think there are huge negatives and huge positives that one has to deal w/ when one chooses to take that road.

I guess, in thinking about all of it, I can't help but ask, "why"? Why do we (ok, probably not all of us... there must be some families out there that love or at least respect their expat daughter-in-laws) have to live w/ this? Why do they treat us like this? Why is there so much lying, manipulation, sneaking around causing problems, nosiness, rudeness, fakeness, unfriendliness.... why do these women hate us so much? Is it because we're not like them? We look different, dress different, behave differently??? Or is it because they couldn't control their son and he married for love and who he wanted, and they absolutely can not stand it? God only knows, that's fer sure!

Here we are, away from our families, making our lives in a foreign land (which isn't always easy) trying to get along, loving their sons, but it isn't good enough. Why do they insist on making life so miserable for us? Used to... I thought it was me, but I've realized over the last several months, that it isn't. Yeah... I may not make anything easy, but you know... I used to. Now, I stand up for what I believe in. I don't cower down, afraid to say the wrong thing, act the wrong way ... for if I do, they may not like me.

And thank God!

I've stopped going over to my in-laws as much as I used to. We go only some Fridays and only stay for about an hour, and I only go there on rare occasions. The reason why??? It makes me feel miserable to be around ppl that I don't get along with... who would want to sit in a room making small talk, answering question after question, or coerced into revealing things or saying things that I have no desire to tell.... it's not for me.

We went this past Friday since my FIL is traveling... thinking it might be less complicated, but it wasn't. I felt the same way when I got home... mad at myself for going, mad at myself for not stepping in when my SIL tried to make it look like Naief was about to hit her son - when he was nowhere near her son - altho Hashim did say something and she shut up (I think I've finally realized she's jealous of our son)... I just felt all cruddy inside... like I need to hole up, become a hermit when it comes to seeing them... and stay away for as long as possible... and did I say I don't want my son playing w/ her son... yeah, I know... it's his cousin, but crap, I had cousins that I didn't see all the time and am fine because of it... it wont kill Naief not to see that child all the time.... don't ya think?

anyway... I haven't had a good, groaning post in a while, and since my blog friend, One Wink at a Time, got me to thinking about why that is a few days ago, I figured that it might be a good thing to write about it. so... here ya go. :)

those shoes are made for walking :)

Nothing much going on... so thought I'd post a favorite pic of mine as of late. I don't get as many pictures as I used to, but when I think about it, I try to snap away.

Naief loves to walk around in mommy and daddy's shoes... he hasn't tried my heels yet... can't imagine it, but think it'll come. :) These are the easier ones for him to walk around in, since daddy's are big and bulky, usually... altho, he does like to put his flip flops on and walk around in 'em.. and it's cute because he doesn't put them on right and will usually have the toe thing between his 4 or 5th toe, which is really cute. His auntie bought him a pair of flip flops and he seemed thrilled to put them on, but after a couple of mins, he cried to take 'em off.

The screaming was better today, thank goodness. My older sister gave me a good piece of advice. Told me to let him know that I wouldn't acknowledge him until he calmed down and then he'd get attention - since they'll do anything for attention, be it good or bad. So.. today, when he was acting up, having a crying fit over something, hanging onto my leg and not letting me walk, I told him that I wouldn't give him any attention until he calmed down. He finally did (let me add here that after his crying fit continued for several mins., I did finally yell, "Naief!" and he stopped. When I looked at him, his head was hanging, and I felt like a terrible mom. I went to him, picked him up, and took him upstairs to give him his vitamins - to help his eating - and then we came back down. This isn't good, especially seeing that were working to keep yelling/screaming to play time... so, yes, I feel terrible.) and then we painted. but... once we got the paint down, into the cups, sat on the floor, he dabbled in it for maybe 2 mins and decided he had enough... so I started picking everything up and he went into another fit of non-stop crying. I didn't let up this time (and I stayed very calm)... I explained that he was through painting and mommy was picking everything up so that we could have lunch. After I picked him up, took him upstairs for a sec., he calmed down and was fine.

phew.... and here I think or want another child. I honestly don't know how mothers do it. How do you manage two children??? A baby w/ a toddler going thru the terrible 2's and then, from what a blog friend said, the 3's are even worse. Please momma's.... tell me how it's done! :)

I know you guys probably get bored of reading about my trials and tribulations w/ Naief, but, really, that's all that's going on w/ me lately. I'd talk about my in-laws, but it never changes over there. Same 'ole, same 'ole crap, day in and day out... so what's the point. Plus, I get tired of thinking about it, dealing w/ it, so I don't. Naief's cousin is at the age that he thinks he can scold Naief and be mean every time he turns around, so I've really been biting my tongue w/ that and usually wind up leaving just so I don't have to deal w/ it.

test of wills

Today has been exhausting already and it's only 2:30 pm! What a morning!! Naief has hit the terrible 2's or something, and today was tough!

Seems like there is a test of wills w/ every turn between the two of us. He's gotten to the point that he hardly listens to me, doesn't usually come when I call him, completely refuses, on some days, to come upstairs or go downstairs when I ask him to, throws his toys when he gets angry (but is getting better w/ this, thank God!), throws a temper tantrum when it's time to change his diaper or clothes, doesn't want to go down for his afternoon nap, some days will throw full fledged fits when it's time to sit in his highchair to eat... you name it, I'm facing it.

and it's exhausting.

Seems like the 'ole ignoring him when he calls me 50 times has done nothing but make him do the same. What's funny... ok, it's not funny... he'll stand right next to me and say, "mommy", until he gets to a screaming state, at which time I tell him not to scream. The little vain in his neck even pops out! I guess yelling for the cats, yelling for daddy hasn't helped! I try to think about this, but sometimes it's just easier to yell down the steps for daddy or to yell for the cats if they're upstairs and it's time to eat... actually, I'm usually yelling for Frankie to come down and eat... and Naief has decided that he's going to yell for me any and each time he needs me.

I've had to stop and count to 10 many times today.... and even when I say things like, "honey, don't scream", "Naief stop screaming", "Naief, please don't scream", "honey, mommy's right here, you don't need to scream", "Naief! stop screaming"... he doesn't listen. As soon as the next emergency comes, he's screaming for me again. Plus... one thing that doesn't help is his cousin screaming all the time, about everything, and no one says a word, which causes Naief to follow suit and join in.... then when he comes home, he's screaming again. I just hope w/ lots of patience and 'whisper time', we can curb his need to scream.... altho, I know he's testing his limits, his voice, learning what's appropriate and what's not... it's just driving mommy batty!!!! ok... I'm already pretty batty... but more couldn't help! ;)

Calgon, take me away!!!!

poetry for the little one

Haven't written any poetry in sooo long... probably more than 2 yrs now... and today, w/ words on my mind, I decided to take the plunge... to put the words on paper to see where my pen would lead me....

and this is what came out of it.

It's simple... but it's the first time, since Naief was born, that I've been able to put my feelings into actual words and onto paper....

so thought I'd share. :)

MY LITTLE BOY

Sparkling, ever so brightly

deep into my soul

Beautiful,

chocolate brown eyes

Convey innocence, so lovely

So pure

Your giggles, your squeals

The smile that turns my

darkness

upside down

Just delighted

by the being

of you

As the gentleness

of your tiny fingers

quietly discover your world

I am

Christened by the heavens

Cleansed by your love

You,

a ray of sunshine

with every new morn’

A precious gift

My life, my love,

My little boy

Written: October 6, 2008

The Laws of Attraction

Well, I've been reading this book for the last few days and, at first, I'll say that I liked it - even thinking that it could be that 'one' book, but it's taken a big turn .... and my faith has wavered because of it.

It's about this husband and wife team who embark on a... let's call it a quest to get many of life's questions answered. In doing so, the husband tries the ouija board w/ it actually working many times along the beginning of his journey, and he even got some of the questions on his list answered while doing so (even made me want to try the board again.. having had a bad experience w/ it earlier in life - even my mom and aunt having many bad experiences w/ it). He and his wife then get into meditation after being told that it'll help them get in contact with their spiritual guide(s).

Only after a short time span, the wife soon discovers that she's in contact w/ something or someone that starts telling her things. She starts telling her husband and he starts talking to this someone while his wife is in this meditative state. Not only does he start talking, but he starts asking questions. They're so thrilled about the information they're gaining from this entity that is called 'Abraham' (which is actually a group of different entities/ppl) that they decide to start telling their friends about it who then start coming over to the house to have conversations w/ all of these different entities. They soon take it public, and then... come to find out last night while reading, they decide (someone... can't quite figure out who exactly decided ... the husband or Abraham. The book made it sound like it was Abraham's decision or sole purpose ) to write a book. And after looking up the title of this book on google, I realize that they've conducted seminars, cruises... all sorts of things really to let ppl know the answers to these all important questions (which I've only just begun).

So... my first thoughts went to scam. This whole 'book' writing thing has really put questions in my mind, and the fact that the wife has become like the Whoopi Goldberg character in the movie Ghost. I'm really having a tough time with this. Maybe it was the way I was raised. Not that I don't believe it possible to talk to the other side, but I still don't know how I feel about a spirit or whatever coming into your body and talking....

and then for her to go out and make money on this... I'm also wondering about this.

I haven't decided if I want to continue w/ it. I know lots of books and, even movies, I think, have been done on this very thing.. even taking it in other directions w/ books like The Secret... but does that really mean anything?

I feel sorta silly because I told my friend that I really loved the book.... and maybe, if I keep reading, I'll allow myself to open up to such things/possibilities... allow myself to have faith that such things are possible and this could actually be 'that' book.... but my insides are saying, "nahhhhh"....

who knows... I'll read a bit more and see where it leads me. Have any of you read this book? Olivia, I know you said your dad either read it or some of his friends did and liked it.... I thought about this, but I still find it odd or, rather.... to 'out there'. Obviously I'm more close minded than I wanted to realize.

USA vs. Brazil.... and other stuff

Saw the volleyball finals this afternoon and, boy, was it good!! The women were neck in neck for most of the game... altho, Brazil did pull ahead in the first quarter, the US won the 2nd and then Brazil won at the end.... they were so happy. I just love to see teams (individuals) so happy when they win a gold medal. Seems like such a long time ago that I'd see players crying when their national anthem was playing. I don't think I've seen such in a good while. This year... not once have I seen it. Shoot... I cry and I'm not even playing!! :)

Pretty soon the Olympics will be coming to an end. It's been a good year. China has really competed well... winning several gold medals and showing true sportsmanship - even in the face of controversy - w/ reports that a few of their gymnasts are 14, when the age of an Olympian has to be 16. Even w/ this said, I'm really happy they had a chance to shine and that so many countries were able to win gold medals for the first time ever.

I really enjoyed watching the power lifting. Saw a friend's countrymen doing well and felt really happy when China won at least two gold medals in this competition. I also really enjoyed watching track and field... boy, that Jamaican guy can run!! Did anyone see him running the 200M?!! Wow!!! As the announcer on Dubai Sports says, "Ya Salam" (wow)!! I heard that many times today while the volleyball game was going on! ;) I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the Russian woman winning at the pole volt. She broke her own world record, matter of fact. That was exciting stuff... lemme tell ya!! The one thing I did regret was not being able to see more gymnastics. Seemed like I might have been the only one in this part of the world really interested because Dubai Sports wasn't interested in showing too much of it... but oh well.

I also missed some of the best swimming competitions as well. Was talking to my sister on the telephone one morning - my time - and she was right in the middle of watching one competition, which was taped, and I had missed all of it. It was when Phelps was winning big time, so I was a bit down about that. I did catch a lot of diving, which I love... and, again, China was kicking butt w/ that.

Soon it'll be over and my world will be back to normal :'( ... Olympicless... so sad.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I will add, on a personal note, that I have reconnected w/ my older sister after two (edit: I'd say it's been more like 4, after seriously thinking about it) years, and I'm really happy about this. My younger sister was instrumental in helping this along, and if it hadn't been for her, don't think it would have happened so soon if at all because I am one stubborn thing when it comes to matters of the heart.

I've really missed talking to her over the last couple of years... finding myself longing to call her many a day, but didn't, and only wishing that we were close like before.... but now, things are ok again. I made the initial call to her. I think it was around 3:00 a.m. her time... and when she answered the phone, I couldn't even talk. My voice cracked and that was it. I knew if I tried to carry on a conversation, all to be heard would be tears/sobs of joy... but when you're in the midst of such, they don't sound so joyful, now do they?!!

My mother is there visiting w/ her right now and flies back to Florida to spend the rest of her summer w/ her sister, my auntie. Gosh, it's been forever since seeing my auntie... something like .... gosh, I don't know, probably 20 years!!! No kidding. The last time I saw her, I was a teenager. She moved to Florida w/ her husband and that's the last I saw of her. She has since visited my sister in California and I was able to talk to her on Skype, which was good, but ain't it weird how no matter how long it's been, there's still something that connects family. I can truly say that I hardly know her now, but am starting to get to know her again through emailing and pictures... and I'm really happy for it.

Ramadan is almost upon us. This year I will be cooking at home and treating my own family to good home cooking and homemade desserts. I'm excited for many reasons... the main one, our family can start our own tradition w/ respect to Ramadan and it really tickles me that it has the possibility of becoming truly special and, two, I don't have to put up w/ any outside 'stuff'.... if you know what I mean?!! :)

a day at the beach

Me and Naief ventured out yesterday w/ a friend of mine, her little girl (who happens to be a few months older than Naief), and her friend and her daughter. How I let myself get talked into going to the beach is beyone me... but it happened. Now I'm reminded once again why I hate the sea water and beaches here!!

I found myself dreading going that morning... it was just sooo hot and the thought of getting baked by the sun didn't really appeal to me - I'm no sun goddess. Never have been. The sun makes me sick and gives me a severe headache (I have a massive one today... lingering from yesterday afternoon). Even as a teenager when my mom would lay out for hours... I'd lather myself up, get a pillow and plop myself down next to her - only to get up after about 20 mins or so complaining of the heat. Once I even passed out after coming inside... and here I was born in August! You'd think me and hot weather would be pals...

Naief has my skin... he gets bright red cheeks from heat and would probably burn if out too long, so I made sure to put heavy sunblock on him yesterday and give it a whirl (being in the sun)... since he loves the water and this place was said to have an actual sand beach - the kind of sand that actually goes down into the water. Well... it did, but the water was .... not nice. It wasn't terrible - didn't smell, but after standing in knee deep water for about 5 mins., I felt something bumping (or so I thought) up against my foot, and after the 5th time of feeling it, I immediately thought that there couldn't be anything floating in the water to create that feeling... upon looking down, I realized I was being bitten by tiny little fish!! It totally creeped me out... there's just something about little fish trying to eat at you that doesn't sit too well w/ me.

Naief loved being in the water... but I must tell you guys that I had a terrifying moment when we first went in. I let go of his hand for a second and looked up to say something to a friend and when I looked down, he was face down in the water!!!!!! My heart skipped a beat. I jerked him up... put him on my shoulder and got out. He didn't cry... I think he was too scared to cry. I didn't feel him fall... he made not a sound. I can't believe I'm sitting here typing this... even telling anyone... I feel like a lousy mother for not holding onto him so tightly that nothing like that could even happen - but it did. BUT... it will never happen again if I have anything to do w/ it.

You hear about children drowning in the bathtub all the time... now I see why. He could have drowned so easily.... if I hadn't been paying attention... my heart hurts just thinking about it. I wont be taking him to the beach again for a while. I think he's too young.... I think the beach is better suited for older children who can swim or at least know how to right themselves if they fall face first into the water.

All three children fell face first yesterday.... I think the sand was difficult to walk in and wearing crocs made it probably impossible to navigate - especially for a little one. I keep asking myself what I was thinking to even take him. It was too hot, the water wasn't really fit to swim in, I hate sea water (the salt kills my eyes), and to have my baby scared just isn't worth it. He had a good time after, but I'm a bit concerned about the sea water he probably swallowed or inhaled... I can only imagine the parasites living in that somewhat stagnant water...

Last night he tossed and turned for a while. I wondered if he was having nightmares about it... I know I couldn't sleep just from thinking about it and letting myself linger too long on the thought of 'what if'....

This was a lesson learned....

Life and what's in it....

Funny how I lay in bed now, in the early morning or early evening, watching the trees bend with the wind, listening to the windchimes that I brought from the States (thinking about California - coz my sister has so many of them and they sound so beautiful when the wind blows), and I realize that Bahrain is now my home. One day I know we may go back to the States, but it won't be any time soon... and this time it feels okay. Even when we landed in Bahrain and left the airport, I usually have this feeling of sadness when I look at so many girls covered in black, but this time, I didn't.

This time, strangely enough, as I was waiting for Hashim to hail a cab/find transportation, several different girls came up and talked to Naief, kissed him and said hello. It was a nice welcoming and made me feel different...

I've heard other expats say this about having children here, but not until now did I have the experience - and there is something about it... something that welcomes you.

While I was in California, I found myself feeling like it was a bittersweet stay. My mom was sick and in bed for most of the time - not every waking hour, but more than I'm used to, and it was difficult. Difficult in that I don't like seeing her ill, weak and getting older - but it's a fact of life. And she's become quite crabby in her old age. She gets mad easily and then pouts heavily if you hurt her feelings or make her mad and such. It's true when they say that older ppl tend to become like children again because I see her doing that at times. And sister... this isn't a blog for mother to read! nor to share... so if you're reading this, keep it to yourself please.

I don't argue w/ my mom any more. I just refuse to, no matter how mad she makes me or if she says something that bothers me... I just see her and can't. I see no reason in upsetting her, altho I know I do at times, but nowadays, I'd never do it intentionally. I tell my sister not to argue w/ her, but I think it's harder for one when they live w/ that person and see it and live w/ a variety of stresses daily, and it's easier for me to come in and say something or tell her to do this or do that because I'm not living with it... but when I see the two of them and if there's tension between them.. I think back to when I was younger and more argumentative w/ her and try to see my sister's point of view and such... but even then it's hard. So... that was bittersweet.

Then w/ my sister, she was busy w/ work and her life, friends, family and such.... and the days passed so quickly. So I found myself getting aggravated w/ her for not giving more time to our time there, but life has a funny way of pulling you away from things, doesn't it?!! I'm glad she stays busy and has such a social life... me, I'm much different. I guess in some ways I felt jealousy in that I wished I was more like her at times. She'll die when she reads this... but it's true.

anyway... all in all, I'm doing better than I was before I left Bahrain and I'm happy for that. Hubby is telling me to come - he's ready to go home... so I'll wrap this post up here... just wanted to let you guys know how I'm doing... my emotions are better... :)