We set him free

Today we set Henry free. I love this bird and will miss him dearly.

He's a large parakeet that we bought, along w/ his partner Fonda, back some 2 1/2 yrs ago. The girl that was working for us let Fonda go about 1 1/2 yrs ago (I blogged about the whole thing if you're interested a while back), and ever since then, Henry just hasn't been the same. There was a sadness in his eyes and for anyone that's been reading my blog for any length of time knows that I was really worried about him in the beginning - after she was let out - because he really loved her.

It's been since then that I've wanted to set him free, but had major doubts about it... for fear he wouldn't be able to fly, the stray cats would kill him or he'd die of hunger. I have no idea how long he was a caged bird before we got him, so I had no idea what he was capable of. I know Fonda either flew off or was killed. I've thought, on several occasions, that I've heard her outside and thought I even saw her once in the tree across the street, but I'm not sure. I know on those occasions Henry went crazy calling to that bird... so I do hope it was Fonda.

It all happened this morning. Me and Naief were downstairs - he was in his walker and I had just picked him up when I looked out the back door and saw about 3 birds standing on the bird's cages. We have them outside now since the weather has gotten so nice. Seeing that I had just fed the birds, I sorta freaked out in thinking that they had gotten out somehow... but then I realized that these were wild birds that came down to have a look. Well, all of our birds went crazy w/ excitement, especially Henry.

It was at this moment that I decided that Henry could survive if these birds were surviving and I wanted to let him go. Hashim had just run out to get some Panadol for me and diapers for the baby, so he saw all the parakeets on the cage outside. Before he left for work, he opened Henry's cage door.

I stood inside waiting to see what was going to happen. It wasn't but two or three minutes and Henry was climbing outta of his cage. He stretched his wings, flapped them like crazy and took off... but he didn't go far... only down to the tile. I freaked. Tigger, the outside cat, was out there and I knew if I didn't get out there fast, he'd kill Henry.

Here comes Tigger and he makes an instant leap towards Henry.

I ran out the door and yelled at Tigger to go away. Henry flew over to the shelves we have outside - onto the bottom shelf - and stood there. Tigger came around the back and again I had to scream to make him leave. I knew that if I didn't get Henry up off the ground, he'd get killed for sure. Henry flew over to where the cages are and sat there. I immediately went over there, leaned down and put my arm for him. Shockingly, Henry climbed onto my arm and I lifted him up to the cage. That's the first time that he's ever let me pick him up... we used to let him and Fonda fly around our TV room when we had both of them and he'd never come to me.

Well... he was back onto the top of his cage. I picked up Naief and stood outside, sweet talking him and trying to get him to go back inside. There were a couple of times that I thought for sure that he was going to, but he didn't. So I took Naief inside and stood at the door in hopes that he'd go inside his cage. But what did he do???

He flew off in the direction of the empty parking lot next to our house. I ran into the other room, threw on another top, grabbed a big towel and ran outside. I knew I'd have to throw the towel over Henry to get him back inside. But when I got out there, he was nowhere to be found. I looked under every car, up to the apts but there was nothing. I didn't even hear him.

So... I went back to the house, stood by the door and called out to him. Still nothing. After feeding Naief, I heard a call that sounded just like Henry. Me and Naief go out and after making our way to the front of the house to look in all the trees and to make sure he didn't land in the front yard, I look in the trees in the front of the house next to us and then walk back around to the side of the house. It was at this point that I saw Henry up in the tree by my FILs house - the tree right in front of our house.

I called to him and he squawked several times but wouldn't come.

I gave the baby to Salumi and asked her to hold him and after opening the garage door, I called to him - hoping he'd come back down to the cage. As I stood there and talked to him, he moved over on the branch he was perched on and then flew right down in front of me, as if to say goodbye, and then off towards the apts down from us, and he was gone. That was the last I saw of him.

I started crying from a rush of emotions. I was so happy to see him flying, happy that he wasn't afraid and happy that he was free, but I was sad too because I love him so much and am terribly sad to see him go....

Well... this afternoon at around 4, I went outside because I thought I heard him. For any of you wondering, he's a different type of parakeet than the others and has a different call... so I knew when I heard it that it was him. I went out to the front yard, looked up in the trees across the street, up to the apts and then started walking around the house and there he was. He was in the tree across the street.

I called to him and he called back to me. Henry can talk... he can say things like "good boy", "hey Oprah", "pretty bird" and make cat sounds.... so another fear is that someone will hear him and he'll be caught and put back into the bird market here... but I really hope not.

Anyway... after standing out there and talking to him for a bit, I went to get Hashim. He came out and saw him and we both smiled. It was if Henry had come to show me that he's a big boy and can fly....

Hashim went to get a ladder and put some food on top of the neighbor's garage that backs up to our house - it's high up and I don't think any cats will get up there. We also put some water. When I looked out our bathroom window this afternoon, the big dried red pepper that I put on the food was gone... maybe the wind took it, but I hope not.

Henry flew off again and is perching some place for the night. Tomorrow I hope he finds some friends and is able to fly off w/ others like him or some of these smaller parakeets - if they'll accept him. He's a sweet boy. He never tried to bite me and would take food right from my fingers.... and there was a time that he'd talk/mumble in this low voice like he was speaking to me.... I'll never forget him.

I hope he stays free for the rest of his life and lives a happy life. Today in the tree he was preening his feathers, stretching out his wings and seemed so happy. I'm really glad I got to see that..... and I'm glad he came back to say hello. Maybe, if I'm lucky, he'll find a mate and stay in this area.

Farewell Henry...

Killer Puppy on the Loose

Imagine those headlines... and imagine a killer puppy looking like him..... awwww, who couldn't love a killer puppy looking as sweet as this!!

This is one pic from the birthday/Halloween party we went to this past Sat. It was so much fun and Naief really had a good time. He didn't cry one time, loved being around all the kids, and he even got to sit at the table like a big boy (in a booster seat) when we ate and had cake. He swung his little legs and seemed to be on a little heaven cloud.

One nice woman came up to me at the party and said that when she came in she actually thought Naief was a little dog and wondered when my friend, H, had gotten it. ;) I think the fact that Naief is still crawling really made the outfit! Not sure that everyone got the scary blood thing... but I did tell everyone he was a killer puppy... seeing that the theme was scary, atlho only the bday boy and his brother, and Naief, held firm to that. :)

I was really pleased at how well it went. I was worried he'd get tired, but he didn't really show any signs of that until the end. He loved all the toys and the balloons. I was worried that he might pop one in his hand or something, and even though he got ahold of a few, none popped... thank goodness. There was one little boy, in particular, who was so sweet to him. He'd come up and bring toys to Naief and even squat down to play w/ him. He was 19 mths and I found myself in amazement at the fact that this little boy didn't try to slap him in the face, kick him, pinch him or head butt 'em or anything (which is the case I'm usually up against)... not one child did anything mean to him... it was such a beautiful release... I can't even tell you how peaceful that was.... and all these kids were all around 2 yrs.

I really enjoyed the party and so did hubby ..... me, because there were other mommies to talk to and I was able to see that Naief is normal or behaving the way he should at this age, and hubby got to spend some quality time w/ the guys. I also found out that Qatar Airlines flies straight to the U.S. now. I didn't know this. You can pick up a flight outta Doha and fly right into D.C. No stops, nothing. This is good to know. I hate having a 7 or 8 hr layover in London.

btw... my dear friend, Puppy... I hope I did you proud w/ his outfit!! :) Next year we may do Chucky!!! he he heeeeeee

i'm not answering

I'll tell ya... I get so freggin sick of ppl calling and not hanging up after a few rings. It would be different if we didn't have a baby, but Lord knows they don't think about that, now do they?!!

I don't know what's up w/ my in-laws, specifically my SIL, but when she gets a hair up her ass, she doesn't seem to be able to get it out.

I'm so tired of her calling and letting the phone ring off the hook. The baby is sleeping and the fact that she doesn't give a rat's ass is really more than I can take... but, I guess that's why they have silence on the phone? Right!?

So... if you call and I don't answer, maybe THE BABY IS SLEEPING!!!!

sorry friends... I'm online and thought I'd just send these happy thoughts your way! :)

Isn't it nice to know I haven't lost my spunk?!!

weekend plans

Can't hardly believe it, but we have a babysitter for tonight and me and Hashim are going out on a little date to our favorite restaurant!! Needless to say, I'm thrilled. Can't even tell ya how long it's been since we've been outta the house w/out the baby. I'm having her come early so that Naief is still awake because I've noticed that whenever we've left him w/ my MIL - and he's sleeping - he wakes up and goes into fits. So... my hopes are that we'll avoid this by having him awake w/ her and me around... that way, we can say goodbye to him and he knows that everything is ok... or at least I'm hoping it works out so well.

This weekend will be a busy weekend. Me, hubby and Naief will be meeting up w/ some of our friends that we met in our Lamaze class - both women had their babies before me... one is two months older than Naief and one is three months older (I think he's that age... and I hope she and her husband are coming) - so it should be quite an experience because Naief loves other babies. And another good thing is that both women are very open minded and we all think a lot alike, so it'll be nice to swap stories and have things in common. I'm really looking forward to that.

It's hard when your friends don't have children, especially when you're consumed w/ your child. Because at this age and being a new mom, it's impossible not to be consumed. Everything revolves around being a mother. You think, eat, breathe baby stuff.... or at least I do. That's probably why I don't remember anything any more and my brain feels like mush most days.... unless you wanna hear a lullaby, play patty cake or get on the floor and make babbling noises... then forget talking to me! :)

I'm also gonna be meeting a girl that left a comment on my blog some time ago who is pregnant right now and will be having her baby around Naief's bday next year... I think she's due around the 6th of Feb., if I'm not mistaken. I'm excited because she's from the States, loves cats, has a similar taste in music.... and did I say pregnant?!! :)

Anyway... nice weekend to you guys... hopefully the weather will be cool... I'm really enjoying the fact that the weather is changing. I can't hardly wait for the day when we don't have to run the a/c.

A fieldtrip and the dirty corniche

Last night/late yesterday afternoon we decided to take the baby to the corniche to walk around a bit. The place was super crowded w/ families picnicking on the lawn, children running around playing soccer, and most of the swings were taken, and the little carnival thing they have there was full of children and families. We decided that daddy would swing w/ Naief for the first time, and I wanted to see how he responded to grass... since he's never felt it before, so we head out in search of an empty swing.

All the playgrounds were packed w/ screaming children... and since I thought it would be nice to have one that wasn't surrounded by yelling kids, we walked down to where the big shooting water fountain thingy is, and found a swing set that wasn't taken. Hashim gets on and I place Naief in his lap and they start to swing. I get in back of daddy to push a little... and whatta ya know, he gets sick to his stomach. No, not Naief, Hashim. I could hardly believe it... since it's usually me that gets sick from things. Isn't it weird how when you start getting older, all the things you liked as a kid change... and wind up making you sick. I can think of several... roller coasters, cotton candy, swings, riding in the back seat of cars... :)

So after getting off the swing, we head over to look at the big shooting water fountain thingy (can't remember what it's called). There was a cool breeze coming off the sea and Naief seemed captivated by the water sounds and looking at all the ppl. What I found most interesting was how dirty the place was. There was garbage everywhere. It's starting to look like Egypt, was my first thought. I wish I had had my camera because I'd post the pics for you all to see... there was stuff everywhere.

We went to Egypt some 3 years ago and I was taken aback by all the garbage everywhere. While in Cairo, we took a day trip to see all the pyramids and such, and while riding around looking for a place to eat, I was really disgusted by all the banks (by the streams and such) that were made outta garbage. It was everywhere... every place you looked... garbage. And this is what I saw at the corniche.

I found myself wondering why so many ppl don't give a crap about their environment here. There are trash bins everywhere, but instead of getting up and taking their trash there, they dump it right where they are... even if it means on the banks near the sea, on the side walk, on the lawn... anywhere is their trash can.

What a great example parents are setting for their children. This is one thing that really bugged me about Bahrain when I moved here, and it still does. How ppl liter and how there isn't any recycling program in place. No one seems to give a damn about what they're doing to this island, and there seems to be no program in place to teach ppl and/or children. And, anyone who knows me well, knows that I'm huge on recycling. I'm a tree hugger and have been for years. I'm always on my sister to recycle... even pissing her off the last time we visited her in Cali because of her tendency not to recycle! Atlho I've heard she's getting better... let's hope!

Anyway... as we're walking over to the grassy area to relax a bit and to let Naief feel grass for the first time, I can't help but to be sickened by the smell of trash everywhere. Really, it was disgusting. And here you have families w/ small children out in this filth...

but... back to the story...

We get a place in an open area, take him from his stroller and sit him down on the grass. What does he do?? He sits in one place and doesn't move. He lifts his hand to crawl and instead of moving, he leaves one hand in the air, one hand on the ground, looks at me and cries. He hates the grass!!!! I laugh hysterically... because he's sooo funny to look at. I can't get over that he doesn't like the grass. I guess because it's not too soft and it pricks his little fingers in a way that he's not used to...

So, we move to another area and again we sit him down on the grass. Again, he won't move. He looks over at me and cries. I stand him up (he's barefoot) and he won't move... just wants me to hold him. Hashim takes out his bottle, I start to feed him and as soon as one of his feet touch the grass, he starts to cry. It's so funny.... and something I never expected. Here his mommy loves the grass, loves to sit on it, lay on it, and my little boy hates it.

After I guess about 10 minutes, we get up and start making our way back to the car, which is a good hike, and since it's a little hotter than we expected, the smell of the trash is a much stronger than I'd prefer, so we pick up th pace and by the time we reach the car, we've both worked up a good sweat, which I'm happy about because I need the exercise. As we're walking tho, I find myself looking around at all the ppl, their blankets/rugs, all the food, and I wonder what they'll do w/ all the leftovers. Leave it there, throw it in the trash.... what.

Again... why don't ppl care about this small island, I ask myself again and then I ask Hashim? Do they realize that after a number of years, there'll be so much trash here that it might just look like Cairo?!! Why don't they pick up after themselves? Why don't they teach their children to pick up after themselves?!! A part of me believes it's because the housemaids do everything for them and they've become lazy... or is it just because no one cares???

Other than the trash, the smell in some areas, we had a nice time. I enjoyed watching all the kids play, seeing Naief's face while Hashim was holding him and swinging, and seeing the look of horror on his face when we put him on the grass was priceless and made it all worth it. I'm hoping we can do it again next weekend. Maybe by then they'll have this place cleaned up... but I doubt it.

which way is up?

These are some pics of Naief in his first jellabeya, if that's how it's spelled. We also bought him a thobe and he wore it on the first day of Eid, and I must say, he looks adorable in it! :) If you want to catch his pic, go to Hashim's blog and it's there.

Can't hardly believe that Ramadan is over. It sure flew by... usually, in years past, it seemed to drag. I guess because I wasn't fasting.. or maybe because we have a baby now.

Naief is good, but has been changing a lot. He now puts his arm in the air as if he's going to wave, but hasn't figured out the waving bit yet. He'll look up at his arm, move his fingers and stare in amazement. He's also screaming now.... all places, all times. He screams from joy and screams a lot in anger. His favorite time to scream is at bed time. He enjoys those blood curdling screams that make him cough.... I'm hoping it's a phase and something all babies go thru, if not... I think we're in trouble. He's not much on routines... altho I'm sticking to my guns and keeping him on one, but most nights I have to make him go to sleep. Would you mothers say this is the way to go?

There are a few things that are worrisome to me and am hoping that you mommas out there can give me a few pointers. First, he absolutely hates to sit in his highchair and when I put him in it, he screams for a bit and then refuses to eat. Breakfast seems to be the easiest time, but forget lunch and dinner. Once he starts screaming at lunch, I can hardly get him to eat anything substantial and it worries me quite a bit. He'll settle down for a bit but once he's finished, he's finished and will scream 'maaaaaa' and insist on my taking him out of it.

He was acting like this in his car seat, but has settled down quite a bit, altho today we had the same problems. I'm letting him cry it out, both in his highchair and in the car seat, but is this normal?

He does the same thing in his stroller. It seems to be happening in any place where he's tied in. He seems to hate riding in his stroller and cries and cries until we take him out. I'm wondering if herein lies the issue. We're taking him out. If we don't, he won't stop screaming and crying, so I give in and take him out. So... he knows this and works it for all he can get.

The part about the highchair is that I don't think he's getting enough to eat. I read on the net that they'll eventually start eating, but when will this happen? When I stop putting him in the chair? I've tried feeding him in his walker, but I can't keep him still long enough to get anything in him and then he's going from place to place and is usually not interested in eating.

He's also still sleeping w/ us, which I love, but he keeps me awake almost all of the night. I'm dead tired most days, and I'm starting to think we should start trying to get him into his own bed. His crib won't fit out of the door of his room, so I'm thinking of a part-time solution for now, and then when he gets a little older, I'll move him into his crib.

The problem is that he moves a lot in the night. He's either rolling around, twitching, or kicking the covers off, and w/ all of this, it keeps me up. I'm a terribly light sleeper w/ the slightest thing waking me... so imagine how it is w/ a baby that doesn't sleep in one place!

So... when you mothers were feeding your baby solids, did you stick to just one item or feed a variety of food at each feeding time? I usually try to feed at least 3 different foods in the mornings, 2 or 3 things at lunch and then 2 at night. I have also started w/ snacks like pudding and such, but he's not too keen on it. He'll eat some and then snub the rest. He likes fruit, but I don't want to feed him only fruit. He's a bit stubborn when eating and insists on my feeding him quickly. He's been like this since he was newborn... it's almost as if he thinks he'll die if he doesn't get another mouthful of food as quickly as possible. And what happens is that he gets mad and then refuses to eat the rest because I didn't get it to him fast enough. This is when he starts his screaming stuff.... it first started during the first week of Ramadan at my in-laws.... as it was his first go at eating solids and he loved them... but now, because of all the fuss and such each night, he's now throwing fits and I'm at a total loss. Maybe now that Ramadan is finished and he's eating at our house again, he'll settle down... or at least I hope.

Eid Mubarak to all my Middle Eastern friends and happy day to all my other blogger friends out there. :)


I will add that he seems more like a little boy now than a baby. He likes to crawl away from us now while squealing, especially when we're acting like we're gonna get him... and it's too adorable. He's pulling up to a lot of things and baby talks like crazy. His hair is really thin and some are pressuring me to shave it - thinking that it'll grow back thicker, but I don't believe it'll do anything. My sister, Jahooni, had thin hair as a baby and now has the thickest hair I've ever seen, and we didn't shave her head. I've seen babies that are 10 mths old and they have no hair at all... I wonder what ppl think that means?!

Dress up time

One of my favorite holidays is Halloween. I've loved it since I was a child. My mom made many of my costumes and, every year, I couldn't wait to get out of the house to trick or treat for candy.

This year, one of my friends is having a Halloween/birthday party for her 2 year old son. She's invited us, which I'm really happy about, but, for the life of me, I can't figure out what to dress Naief up as. I asked if the adults were dressing up as well and she said "as you like"... so, we can dress up if we want, which I'd love to do, but not sure if Hashim will go along w/ it. I told him today that he's a party pooper because he said he wouldn't, but I'm hoping he'll change his mind.

So... what do you guys think... what should I dress Naief as? The theme of the party is "scary". I've been thinking a zombie, but Hashim's first choice was an American soldier! heheheheh But hey.. where would we find a helmet?!! We also thought about terrorist, but I don't think too many ppl would find that funny... it is, but in a sick way. Which is the way I do best! Imagine strapping little bombs (fake of course) to his chest, under his clothes and stuff. Yeah... I know it's demented... but I LOVE IT!!

We've looked at Toys R Us for costumes but they don't have anything for a baby. I think we'll look at Seef Mall. They have a costume place there... but I'm thinking they'll probably have nothing for his size.

So bring on your suggestions. Remember... I don't have a sewing machine and I've never made an outfit. But I can sew by hand....

Creepy Crawlies

Who out there is afraid of bugs and insects? It seems that a lot of ppl in this part of the world are terrified of them. I know Hashim is... not every kind, but most.... ok, maybe all of them.

It makes me laugh... and I sometimes want to get one just to put it on him!! :) yeah, mean, but I just can't help it.

I'm not really afraid of any of them. I don't like or rather hate roaches. If one got on me, I'd probably scream. They have flying roaches in Texas and I was always terrified, when I saw one, to try to make it go away for fear it would fly over and land on my shoulder, head or something. If it did... I'd probably wig out and have a heart attach or something... so I can understand how Hashim feels... but it still makes me laugh.

Last night I was watching AFV on Channel 4. It's America's Funniest Videos and, gosh, do I find myself laughing uncontrollably w/ this show. Especially last night... because what were they showing... ppl scared outta their wits because some bug had flown onto them or this one showed a guy going crazy coz his friend had put this big lizard thing on him.

Which gets me to lizards. Why are so many ppl afraid of these little guys?

We house-sat for my in-laws back in the summer and my husband's older sister was there, and one night she started screaming, got up on the couch and demanded that we kill it. "It" turned out to be a lizard. Poor little guy. He was terrified and every time we found him, he'd run for his dear life.

So... what did we do? Instead of allowing the housemaid to kill it, I got a cup, caught it and took it outside... BUT... before I could get it outside, it jumped outta the cup and headed into the kitchen outside. I got down and caught it in my hand... it squealed! I didn't even know they made sounds....

I took it in my hand and carried it out front, put it on a tree and then told my SIL that she was safe. She laughed, not believing I had picked it up. They're not dangerous - except if you eat them. They're not slimy or anything. They don't move when you have them cupped in your hand, and even after you sit them down, they'll stay in one place for a bit.... but never has one ever tried to bite me or anything.

I can remember when I was a young girl and I'd go to Florida for the summer to visit my cousin and aunt who lived there. This is when I became up close and personal w/ lizards. They were everywhere. You'd go into the bathroom and they'd be hanging around on the walls. They were in the living room, bedrooms... everywhere. Not once did one try to hurt me, get on me or anything. And, actually, they're really good at keeping bugs away. I think my aunt liked them for that reason... but I can't remember.

I used to be afraid of spiders until I watched Charlotte's Web. I won't let them crawl on me or anything and still get afraid if one comes down in front of me while driving, but I don't kill them if I see them in the kitchen and elsewhere.

So... what bugs and insects are you afraid of? Have you ever been bitten by one? Or stung?



I've been stung by a wasp long ago... I think on my 13th birthday. It really hurt and I'm always careful if around these things because they're moody... but, even w/ that happening, I love bees. Especially big fat bumble bees! Aaaaahhhh, to see them bouncing from bloom to bloom... they don't have them here... I wish they did.

I plan to raise Naief to respect all creatures. I don't want him to be afraid of bugs, insects and such, and hopefully through my guidance they won't scare him. I think maybe Hashim was taught to fear them and that's why he's afraid... but who knows. I should ask him. :)

Have a great day.

tomorrow

can hardly believe that tomorrow naief will be 8 mths old! seems like only yesterday that i was in the hospital about to have him.

he's growing so fast. he's pulling up to things now... loves standing. his little legs wobble, but so far, he hasn't fallen down, and it doesn't deter him whatsoever. he laughs all the time now... it just tickles my heart. he loves it when i make animal sounds, faces or weird noises w/ my mouth... he giggles and it makes him so happy. he's also wanting to be closer to his daddy now... reaching out to him when i'm holding him and preferring to be around him in the afternoons...

he still has the sweetest breath, is cutting teeth like crazy... having cut his 7th one just yesterday or day before, and is eating lots of different foods now. he loves fruit, isn't keen on plain yogurt, and takes after mommy and daddy w/ his love for bagels and cream cheese! :)

he's having a lot of stranger anxiety now and separation anxiety. this seems to be the worst... but it's grown on me. at first i found myself getting a bit unnerved by it, but now i try to remind myself that this time will pass fast and soon enough he won't need his momma at all. when i pick him up, i love how he clings to me. he squeals usually and will pull his head back far enough to look into my eyes and then smile. i just love it.

he races around the house in his walker... i'll have to get it on video; chasing the cats and getting into whatever is within reach. when he's crawling... watch out. he's a little booger because his mind isn't easily changed. they say that all you have to do is take your child's mind away from what they want, but it isn't so easy w/ him. he gets very determined and remembers. if i move him or take him to another spot, he turns himself around and heads right back towards what he originally wanted. his latest wanting is during iftar. he has decided that he wants to handle the tea pots. refuses to do anything else but try and crawl and get them. no matter if i play w/ him... when he's had enough, he's back to crawling towards them.

i love his little voice... the way he coos. it's so precious and i just wish i could catch it on video. but usually his whole little persona changes once the video camera is taken out. it's only recently that he's started to smile when we take pictures. he's also very talkative when he's out in his walker hunting cats... even raising his arms and squealing loudly.... i only hope to capture these moments. me though... i'm bad about remembering to get the camera and catch it... but hopefully w/ time, i'll remember these things.

he's still crying w/ my MIL. my FIL can hold him and he doesn't cry... he doesn't want to be held long, but he doesn't cry. last night my MIL held him for a bit and he was okay, but it seems like after about 5 mins. he's had enough and refuses to calm down until we take him. i find myself wondering what she thinks. i wonder if he's afraid we'll leave him or something. one time we left him w/ her while he was sleeping and when he awoke, he apparently cried for 30 mins straight. i don't know if he remembers this, but there's something about her holding him that he doesn't like.

he's feeling better now. still has that stuff in his chest real bad and you can hear it when he breathes and he's still coughing, but all in all he's better. i've decided not to take him to the daycare until he's older. i just can't see exposing him to all those things while he's still a little one.

oh yeah... for someone who doesn't like to shop, i found the cutest clothes at the Baby Gap for him. since he'll be one soon enough, i bought a couple of pairs of jeans and the cutest little t-shirts. i can't wait until he can wear them... they also have the cutest little sneakers. i haven't bought shoes for him as of yet... waiting until he starts to walk... but gosh... i really wanted to get him a pair of those. i was really impressed by the selection there.... usually you don't find cute clothes for boys but they had some of the most adorable little outfits! :)

i guess the only thing that worries me right now is his weight. he's not gaining the way i expected him to. his belly should be, in my eyes, bigger than it is now... but since he doesn't eat as much as i thought he would, it seems to be rather flat. you can also feel his ribs and they were poking out pretty bad in the front (not as much now). being sick, cutting teeth and such took a little toll on his body and his ribs are still pretty visible, but it's getting better. the dr. said he should triple his weight from birth by the time he's one yr old.. he's doing fine... but since i'm big on chubby babies, i was thinking he'd be a lot fatter by now... i guess w/ time it'll come.

happy day everyone :)

Cat Food Tester

Naief getting into the cat bowls. He thought he'd try few bites of the cat's food :)

baby pictures

These are from a few days back. One of his cousins was wearing this and gave it to Naief to wear for a while.

Like father... like son :)

I think he'll look so cute in a little thobe.... can't wait until he's big enough to wear one.

Smiles to all of you :)

hooo hummmm

life has been pretty uneventful as of late. the only thing to really blog about is that i'm gonna do what my grandmother did to me and rub a dirty dish cloth on naief's hands and bury it either tonight or tomorrow night w/ the full moon. it looks like he has a small wart of some sort on his little hand and in order to get rid of it, i'm taking on some american indian traditions/customs to see if it'll get rid of it and any prospect of future warts and such.

naief is sick again. caught it from his cousin a few days back. hashim is sick as well. maybe the baby caught it from him... not sure... but either way, both hubby and baby are sick again and i'm hoping that i don't catch it. naief has been running a high fever which finally broke lastnight. the other night he was so hot i had to send hashim out at 4 a.m. to pick up panadol. poor little guy was whimpering and laying on me... it's a horrible feeling when your child is sick and he can't talk and you really don't know what to do other than give him meds to bring down his fever. i'm glad though coz it's under control now and he's feeling better. so is daddy.

i cut my hair again and dyed it really dark brown. i was ready for a change and instead of cutting it really short (the way i used to wear it), i decided to go in between and do a short classic bob and try a different color on.... i like it. it's sassy and fun, and easy to deal w/, which, at the moment, is my number one priority.

naief has been getting to know his cousins well. one cousin tries to bite him, hit him, punch him, pinch him... anything to be mean, so i find that after iftar, my time is spent trying to keep his cousin from hurting him. daddy has gotten involved and FINALLY his father (the cousin's) has gotten involved (or did lastnight), so i'm hoping that this little boy will start to be nice at some point. my question is... what makes little kids be so mean?! i have my own ideas about the matter.... but i find that i have to watch him intensely or he'll wind up biting naief. he's bitten some kids at the school, time and time again, matter of fact, so... i just hope he doesn't bite the baby. i told him this morning that if he bites naief that i will bite him back. and i have a mind to do it!! might teach him to stop biting.... or maybe make him more mean....

i've actually been enjoying ramadan this year and my favorite part has been dinner. my MIL cooks so good and i love her food... i know i've gained at least 5 lbs so far. my sister has started an intense diet and i've thought about doing it, but during ramadan it's almost impossible to diet. i keep telling myself that i'm gonna lose this baby fat... but to lose it means getting off my butt and working out which i have done nothing of.... maybe i can learn to love my fat.... i'm thinking not though :)

naief is changing so fast. he has started to use his index finger and thumb to grab things, adores the cats (they're afraid of him for the most part), loves all kinds of foods, and is cutting his eye teeth now. lastnight he cried for almost 30 mins straight, if not longer, while he was going to sleep. i thought i'd lose it after a while, so daddy got up and walked him around for a while.... as he continued to cry, and then, by some miracle, he finally fell to sleep. cutting teeth is such a difficult thing. all children are different and feel pain differently.... he loves to bite mommy and has bitten me on my arm a couple of times and on my stomach once.... i just hope this biting is a teething thing and stops after a while.... for i find that when a child bites, it's hard to stop that. he's not biting to be mean though... thankfully... and i hope it never goes to that.

anyway... that's about it. i don't wanna bore everyone to tears... so that's my life inna nutshell for the time being :)

happy day everyone... i'll post a few pics of naief in a day or so.

Fred is back

Fred is back, back again, Fred is back, Fred is back, Fred is back
duh duh duh duh duh duh
duh duh duh duh duh duh
duh duh duh duh


Tonight, as Naief was winding down to fall asleep, he started playing peak a boo w/ someone. My legs were bent w/ my feet resting on the bed and he started looking for someone between them.

Me and Hashim play this w/ him all the time, but I'll stand behind Hashim and come up on each side and say "I see you"... he just laughs. Tonight he was doing the same but looked for someone and laughed w/ someone. I saw it immediately but Hashim thought he was looking at his shadow. Which I thought at first myself, but as I started watching him, I realized that he wasn't looking at his shadow; he was actually looking around my legs for someone and seemed to be laughing when he saw them.

Hashim ran to the coldstore for a few things and as I sit here alone (Naief is sleeping), I find myself getting a bit spooked. I looked up just a minute ago and could swear I saw a figure of a boy w/ blonde hair... no joke. It scared me a little...

there was nothing there when I looked back up.

I told my MIL that I've seen things here.... out of the corner of my eye and such. I didn't go into detail about the sounds/voices and such that I've heard. She's very superstitious, believes in Jinns and such, and doesn't like black cats... and we have one, btw. :)

anyway... I told her that I believe in ghosts and spirits, and believe there is someone here. She thinks all houses have guardians... yes, bint Battuta, she said that word and it made me think of that book The Caliph's House, A Year in Casablanca!! Right after this she got up and went into the other room.

so.... Fred is back... and as long as Naief is happy, I'm happy.

2nd day of Ramadan

First, let me say Ramadan Kareem to everyone out there.

I'm not fasting this year so I have no headaches, no grouchy attitude and such. Last night when we got to my in-laws, I guess it was about 20 mins before my SIL came and she was in the worst state imaginable. She usually doesn't fast but is this year, and, I have to laugh, coz you'd think she's dying. She's putting on a good act for her husband, I hear... I guess in hopes of not having to fast. Not sure though.

Me and Naief have been really sick for the past 5 days. I got it from him. He's been sick since last Sunday and then I got it 3 days ago. He's not sleeping at night because he can't breath out of his nose and he hates it. He wakes up crying probably every 20 mins or so, and I'm having the same problems... so we're such a joy to be around. ;)

It's exhausting.

I sit and wonder how mothers w/ 3 or more children do it. I'm not talking about the women in these parts... but women who don't have housemaids to do it or nannies. Motherhood is hard work. Cleaning the house and cooking have been such a struggle for me as of late. I tried taking Naief to my MIL's kindergarten but he hated it, and that's where he picked up whatever this is that we have. Taking him there did allow me time to get things done in the house, but the afternoons are terrible because he's in such a stressful state from being there in the morning.... so I'm really debating about whether or not to take him back. I haven't taken him since he's been sick, and the dr. said it's really best to keep him away from that environment for as long as possible.... so what to do.

Right now he's going thru separation anxiety and wants me to hold him all the time. He gets crazily excited when I pick him up in the mornings and just squeals w/ delight. It's the sweetest thing, but when he only wants to be in his walker for 15 mins max and then insists on my holding him... well, it makes it very difficult to get anything done.

He's also crying a lot around other ppl, mainly my MIL. He hates for her to hold him... and it's not only worrisome but a little embarrassing. She believes he's totally spoiled and doesn't understand the stranger and separation anxiety things.... so.. I'm hoping w/ the next month of going there, he'll warm up to her. Who knows... I will say that I wonder if it's something more than this... but maybe it's only that he doesn't want her to hold him.

We're still allowing him to sleep w/ us. A lot of ppl disagree w/ this, including my MIL and one of my SILs. I asked the dr. about it day before yesterday and he said there's nothing wrong w/ it, other than it can cause distance in the relationship if you let it. A lot of ppl believe strongly in allowing the child to sleep in the same bed as the parents... and I'm one of these. I see nothing wrong w/ it actually. I do know that many believe that the sooner you get them into their own rooms, the better. Feeling it gives stronger personalities and independence. But, from reading that I've done on the topic, there aren't any proven studies to show what benefits it has vs. what negative impact it has on the child.

I've tried allowing him to cry it out and I just can't do it. And I think... why do that when he's happy as a lark sleeping w/ us. He snuggles w/ me or Hashim at night and feels safe and secure... why put him in his bed and have him cry for long periods of time, wake up and feel scared and start crying... etc., etc.

Anyway... life as been very hectic for me and w/ being sick... I haven't had any time to be online really. I hope all of you are enjoying Ramadan and find much peace in the coming month... and I hope all the rest of you have a good weekend... and find happiness in the simplest of forms.

Happy day to you.

today and always

is it just me or do a lot of ppl have memory problems?

i can't remember dates... never have been able to. it was a major problem for me when taking history.... having to remember important dates. they never stuck, no matter how long i tried to memorize them... so i turned to cramming... not the best way to keep information in your brain, but it works for the short term... probably why i only know a few things about history...

but gosh... you want the words to a song... just ask. you want the details of a movie, sitcom or such, just ask... this information seems to stick for ages... i kid you not. ;0

this past weekend is a great example of my inability to remember important things - dates. me, naief and hashim were riding around in the car and all of a sudden, hubby asks me what is important about sunday. seeing that i had made plans to go out w/ my girlfriends sunday night... i couldn't think of anything else happening that day. again, he asks. i sit there, thinking as hard as i could and still nothing comes. i finally give up and beg him to tell me....

it's our anniversary! yep, today. and i forgot. you know, most ppl i tell this to can't believe it's me and not hashim. but... i'm the guilty party. can't tell ya how long it took me to be able to remember his birthday! and several months back i found myself running to naief's baby book to double check the date of his birth! yep... that's me. but hey... things could be worse, right?!!

naief is really sick so we're staying in tonight, which is fine because sometimes that can be more romantic. sometimes being out at a busy restaurant w/ lots of ppl and/or noise gets to me, so just sitting back, cuddling and watching a movie makes my day, my week even :)

so here's to my husband... Happy Anniversary lovies!!


My Heart's Lullaby

I want to fly away
To that place deep within my soul.
My pen leads me to places
Where my mind wonders
It always seems to know.
My word, I would say
It is my brush…
Gliding confidently
With a stroke, so thick, across my soul.
Inside one's heart
Mysteries constantly seem to unfold.
Only
Your soul will know.
Do you have courage?
My heart asks one last time
Let it grab you
Won't you let it take hold?
Your strength, it will have to lead you
Because my heart beckons…
Only the most mysterious of all.
Have you ever wondered?
Asked why?
I do, it's a constant
That's where my heart leads me
Because my soul is my brush
And my hearts lullaby.


Full Moon

Such powers your distant land holds
Clouds, how they cover you
But still your light deepens its hold
Nature is captivated by you
Animals cry out to you
What beauty you hold
The wind, it whirls around me
I see nothing but what you want me to see
The clouds, they move swiftly
As the bare limbs of this tree
Echo the emptiness from all around
What do I write
Where does the bare mind lead
I can find your sweetness
Feel the pull of such gravity
The darkness of your beauty is all around
Every leaf movement echoes aloud
While rolling like thunder
Can you hear me call out?
Full moon

nothing much but some poetry of love

since i'm not really in the mood or have time to write a lot, thought i'd post a few poems i wrote back in 2003... after the hubby left for bahrain and i stayed behind. not only to get things ready and packed for the big trip across the seas, but to also get the cats ready for shipping and to also go and see my family before my move to that little bitty island across the seas. this is when the Gulf War broke out and all flights were cancelled, indefinitely, to the ME. luckily, i got the cats shipped and they were in london - soon to be in bahrain and our shipment was about to leave.... and i was about to leave for california w/out knowing when i'd ever see hashim again.

before leaving our house in denton, texas, i became deeply depressed. i spent many a day crying and asking God to take the pain from me.... hence my poetry. i don't write, a lot of times, in rhyme, but more free verse. it may seem stupid to many, but it gets out my emotions and helps in the journey.... i hope you enjoy.


Yesterday

Yesterday is today already and
tomorrow as well
I think of yesterday, that day
the 21st and wonder,
Did I give the right farewell?
I remember yesterday...
being in the house with you
The sound of the wood beneath our feet,
the backyard, and the stores up the street.
I remember our bed and watching TV all night
That day at the airport, the 21st....
I left early that day.
If only I could go back and have you
kiss my tears away.
If only I had hugged you that morning
and all throughout the day.
Would it make a difference?
Would it change how I feel right now?
No, I don't believe so...
But, if I could make a wish
and have it come true....
my wish would be....
To be there with you.
For yesterday is today and
tomorrow as well....
Yesterday will come many more days
from now.
One of these days, I hope yesterday
is the day that I will be there
with you.


Sunrise

Sunrise
Peaks through the shades of my still room
As I awake to a world
that is silent, and
empty
Your cologne
I'm curled up in a place where I can still smell you
and feel the lingering touch from your hand
The room where I lay is lonesome
It feels strange
I feel bare as I call your name
Only to remember …. you're not here
Nowhere… no place
You're not around
As I turn over to lie in the spot
Where you once could have been found
I linger too long listening to your voice
Funny, but I can still hear its' sound
My world
It feels empty without you
I cry and feel lonely throughout the long nights
I'm alone with my sadness
While looking for that star that once shown bright
The light from another morning
brightly shines through my window now
Sunrise
I ask for you to warm me
Help me come out from beneath this blue cloud


Salt Filled Coffee

I sit here drinking my coffee
This house is utterly bare
The silence, it echoes as
my heart screams
Salt cakes my dry lips from tears
streaming without obedience
as I try to overlook this pain
I linger too long
Waiting for you
to call
For as strong as I may seem
I am crippled with insecurities
I assure you
Will you love me less because of this?
I ask my mind over
and again
As I sing to myself
The memory of your kiss
forever tattooed on my lips
My tongue slowly caresses the dryness
Hoping for that one last taste
Of you
But ….. I have only
Salt filled coffee

our shades

Couldn't help but to add one more tonight. This was taken a few wks back and it's a favorite of mine.... I think he looks just adorable here.

We go out riding around and whenever ppl see him in these shades, they can't help but to smile...

me too!!!

look at that face

I took this yesterday w/ my telephone while he was playing in his blow up pool.

There are a 100 balls in his pool and it still wouldn't be enough if I started to list all the reasons why and how I love this little boy. He's my love bug.... and I find myself wishing he'd stay this way... altho I know it's not possible, I just find that I adore him more and more each day, and know that one day he'll be all grown up and not slap me in the face early in the morning to let me know it's time to get up or give me kisses just because.

He said mama yesterday.... I was thrilled.... can't wait for him to hold out his arms and say it!! oh yeah... not sure if I mentioned it, but he's crawling now :)

sometimes it's possible

Found Happiness


Busy sidewalks
People walking
all about
Men in thobes, ghitrahs
Faces from far away
places
Dark skin, light skin, red skin, tan skin
Tall, skinny, fat and proud
Smells emerging
as spices simmer
in pots
large enough to bathe in
Men on bicycles,
pedaling along
Down streets
of busy markets
In the middle
of the suq and in the sun
Side streets
are bustling
on this busy afternoon
Shwarmas galore
In beef and chicken
Smells
so sweet
your tummy dances around
People selling pieces
of their
priceless treasures
from far away lands
Happiness
found me
today
on these small, tiny streets
Old
buildings
surround me
brick pavement beneath me
Sometimes
all you can hear
are
honking sounds
I searched
and
found happiness
it's here and there,
it's everywhere
I sat and watched
the people
working away
there were people
talking
and walking
Running
and singing aloud
Children laughing
in the sun
Swings,
slides and
monkey bars
A calmness surrounds me
Finally,
after so long.




i wrote this back in jan. 2006 about bahrain. i thought i'd never find happiness here... but whatta know... it comes from the weirdest of places... right when you're not even looking for it and least expect it.... and then not long after that, i got pregnant.... interesting, i'd say.

what do you call it?

Charming Madness



My mind floods through to the core
Minutes
Slowly they slide through obscurity
…. I let it beckon me
it's easier to escape into my mind
Madness can sometimes surround me
In
and throughout this dark room.
Heavy breathing ………………………………….
And you are beside me
So much
it's all around.

My mind
So vast
Stretching here……………… and then sooooooooooooo far
It takes me to a different realm
I see it,
It shows me one after one
Or it can be
Like a fast picture show.

I laugh and I scream
I cry and I shout
It's only a movie
But I am worn out.

Me, yes……………..
Hi, I'm a Virgo and
A Fire Horse
It's so nice to meet you
Isn't it nice outside?

Laugh, no cry
The wit
and oh ………
the charm.
My inspiration
Now, there's a word
C H A R M.

Yes, I'm a cynic
But most writers are
Use it
Be creative
My inner power.

Writing
My mind
Funny,
how it escapes me
As I remind myself to breathe
Madness?
Many try to show and even say it is so

I believe
That only you will know.



not sure when i wrote this. either last year or year before. it's a favorite of mine.

is it sunday already?

Moody Sunday


What's in a mood?

Swinging
here to there
Never staying to rest long
In her home away
from home

Swayed
by the weather?
I would seriously ponder
that thought

Tempered by fate
Weathered by change

Not alone on this path

As she swims through a
cluttered mind
Exhaling bubbles of life
Into the unforgotten state
of sweet tasting
Clarity



this is a poem i wrote last year... and since it's sunday and since i found it today... thought it was appropriate.

another one bites the dust!

why me??? here my hair is already thin... not like i can stand to even lose a few strands, but low and behold, my hormones are shifting and my hair has started to fall out. i sorta thought it might slow down by now, but it seems to be getting worse. a friend of mine who had her baby 2 mths before me, started losing hair at 4 mths, and told me it was coming out in the handfuls, but she has lush, thick hair... but she still panicked. now... i am. her dr. gave her some stuff for it, i'm maybe wanting some of this! ;)

well, my sister has left on a 9 day vacation to Yosemite National Park. i'm totally wanting to go. i wish i was there to go w/ them. she took katelyn camping at nine mths, in the freezing cold and she loved it! the pictures are adorable.... i think naief would really love it. well... maybe the next time. since they go every year and have a nice, big camping trailer now.... we could all tag along for a very enjoyable trip. now... only if me and the sis could stand 9 days together! ;) :0

i've decided to take a vacation to the States some time very soon. it's just gonna be me and baby traveling. i'm a bit terrified. i say that loosely, because i'm strong and know i can handle it, but there are pieces of it that sorta just freak me out. for one, do i take a stroller or carry him in a backpack type of harness while waiting for the flight, during layover and such. do i get an extra seat for him and put his car seat in the chair or do we get only one seat and he sits in my lap the entire time? do i get benadryl for the flight so that he can sleep or will it make him hyper, like some children? do i rely on natural physics and let him fall asleep on his own... because he has a tendency to cry when i'm putting him down until he falls asleep and sometimes it's fierce crying, so i can imagine what the other passengers (the ones w/out children - who have never had children) might be bothered.

should i care?!! it is my little one after all. i heard some time back where some airline made a woman get off the flight w/ her child because she/he kept saying "bye bye plane" or something and the stewardess got mad about it, complained, and they were made to get off.

imagine! i would throw a major ass fit. i have a temper.... i can only imagine it flaring at a time like that. i'd probably be barred from ever flying w/ that airline again! ;)

i'm also concerned about the layover and carrying the baby for that long on my back. if i don't take a stroller, then if he started getting cranky, i'd have to carry him in my arms... but hey, we could always find a nice place to sit down, relax and play until it was time for our flight.

and what about feeding him? you have to take all your bottles, formula and they can't give you sterilized water for the bottle... but they can warm water for you. which is cool... and would work nicely. and then i think about changing. some airlines have bathrooms equipped w/ changes tables on the doors, so that would be helpful. how about boredom and the fact that he wouldn't be able to move basically, other than around on my lap. i wonder how he'd handle that. would he cry a lot??

i'm also trying to debate about when i'd travel. my aunt, whom i haven't seen in .... gosh, since i was a teenager, is gonna be in Calif. to visit my mom in early sept., and i'd love to see her. but, then that means i'd have to leave at the start of Ramadan and wouldn't be able to spend Ramadan and Eid w/ the family and extended family, which is important to hubby, and it would basically be the baby's first holiday... and pictures would have to go in the baby book!! :)

so, if i stay thru, then i miss my aunt, but that always means i can stay thru two holidays. Halloween and thanksgiving. both are ones that i love. i think it would be great to take the baby in a little costume out w/ his 7 yr old cousin. gosh... how fun would that be! and then thanksgiving, well... it's been forever since i spent that holiday w/ my family. i think the last time was when my sister was just dating her husband... some 11 years ago! i'd look at coming back before Christmas... because have to put up a tree and decorations for the baby's first Christmas... and can't miss that w/ my husband. altho, i'd dearly love to have that w/ my family. but that would mean w/out my husband.... and since he's very important and our family life together has change drastically and is as important... i feel it only right to come back and do the whole thing here!

aaahhhh... the baby's first Christmas! :) altho, he won't remember it, there will be tons of pictures... and it'll be really nice. he'll love the paper... just like the cats! ;)

naief is cutting his upper teeth and has been having such pain w/ them. he wants to bite on everything and so he should. i give him as much as possible to satisfy that need, and on occasion have given him a finger, which i only regret when he bites down super hard ....

he's walking now in his walker. i take him downstairs w/ me in the mornings and while i'm doing dishes, cleaning and such, he walks around squealing at the cats and babbling non-stop. i love this time. he gives me kisses now when i ask for them... ok, not every time, but at the best times. his hair is growing in... and GUESS WHAT???!!!!! it's blond! everyone's amazed and, you know, when he was born that was the first thing i told hashim, "he has blond hair"... but then, it was dark.... but now, it's blond. so so cute.

we saw my husband's aunt the other day at Geant and she told us that hashim had blond hair when he was little. hashim had told me this already but i refused to believe it. she told me that her son, who was w/ her, had also had blond hair.... and his hair was now a dark brown. hashim's is really dark... basically brownish/black... so i figure that when naief reaches 7 or 8, his hair will start to turn darker. i was born w/ white blond hair.... and kept it until i started getting around that age... but it was always dark blond or dishwater blond, as it's called, until in my 30s. now, it seems that most of it is turning grey, so i dye it whatever color i want! :)

anyway... that's about it. except, the baby is crawling full scale now and gets everywhere fast. he's starting to pull himself up, but hasn't accomplished it... so i know there are many things to be done here. i've already started moving things so that he can't get to it. he also wants to eat most things we're eating and insists on drinking bottled water, when i'm drinking it. he LOVES it. it's cute to watch.

that's about it. i've been super busy.... now i see why they say that motherhood is the hardest job on the planet. it's nice though because he's getting bigger and it's easier to get things done. i can only imagine how it'll be once he starts to walk. cleaning and running after him... well, i can think of a really great benefit... might finally lose the baby fat! :)

sweet day and sweet dreams!

Big Brother IS watching!

Mahmood's Den has a recent post on the Smart Card, which is supposed to be implemented here in Bahrain very soon... altho some are saying that it all depends on when you renewed your CPR card (identification)....

In thinking about this Smart Card, I find myself wondering what it will reveal to other ppl about my life... ppl that I may not particularly want to know things about me... maybe even things that I find to be personal and none of their business. Which leads me to wonder who will be keeping track of all this knowledge/information? Some ordinary Joe? Someone that has had their mouth permanently stitched shut and who can not communicate otherwise?! For we all know how Bahrain is and how fast information travels.... right?

Not like I'm hiding any big secrets or anything... but I'm just sitting here thinking generally. Really, it doesn't matter to me what the information is... I particularly don't want ppl knowing my business unless I allow them to know my business.

So where does that leave me and you?

Up sh*t creek w/out a paddle? Wouldn't ya say ... or are we already there?

For instance... over a month 1/2 ago, one of my drs. left on holiday. Before doing so, she wrote a prescription out/details in my folder for 3 mths worth of medicine that I'm using. This is at AMH, btw. Well, when I go to check out, I decide to wait and not get all three months.... matter of fact, I didn't need any at that time, so I told the pharmacist that I would come back when I needed the refill and get it then. No problem, I was told.

After a few weeks, I went back to refill one month... still have two months waiting for me, for when I need it.... but to my surprise, I found out from the pharmacist that it doesn't matter if the dr. has written a prescription for the meds, it's up to the Ministry of Heath if you get your medicine. All files are sent to them and after they look it over and review it, it's then that they decide if you can continue to use that particular medicine.

This was COMPLETE NEW to me. I had no idea. I thought AMH was an independent hospital.... but obviously not. Matter of fact, it would be easier for me to see a dr. outside the hospital, get a prescription in my hand, and take it to an outside pharmacy. I have a better chance of getting my medicine like that than I do going thru the hospital. Which is absolute nonsense..... or at least I think it is.

When we took Naief to AMH (Saar) to get his 6 mth shots, we were told that we'd have to come back when they got more babies scheduled for the polio vaccine because they were given limited quantities from the MofH and couldn't give the dosage to the baby at that time.

Again... I was dumbstruck. I could not believe they were rationing the medicine like this.

Am I living in la la land or what?!! Am I the last to know that this is going on? Why on earth would the MofH be in a place - some person there w/ nothing better to do but review files and decide who gets what - where they can play like God somewhat. Are they only buying limited quantities of everything and that's why they're hording it in such a way??

I will say that when I went back a few wks ago to pick up my 2nd month of meds, I didn't have any hassle.... I'm waiting for the day that they tell me that I can't have them... based on what the MofH has decided. And the baby was called a week after his appt. to come out to get his polio drops.

So, I guess my whole point here is... will it really matter if the Smart Card has private information available to most everyone on it??? For ppl are watching and have been for a long time, I'd assume.

Bader, where are you?

I can't even imagine what the mother of this little Bader must be going through. If my child came up missing.... I really think I'd lose control of everything.

I get angry and terribly sad at the same time when I think about the situation. Here the mother left the kids alone, which shouldn't have been done, and the older brother went inside to watch TV, then the child disappears. And from what I read in the paper a while back, they didn't even realize that he was missing until something like 7:30 in the evening. Which is even worse.

There should be some type of alert system here.... like the Amber Alert in the U.S. We get a lot of abductions in the U.S.... from pedophiles and killers... so they created this alert on this little girl's (Amber) behalf. She was abducted and killed. No one reacted fast enough to find her, so now, when a child comes up missing, the Amber Alert is sounded w/ radio stations broadcasting it and such so that there's a better chance of finding the child.

But would something like this work here? Do the cops care? Do they care about anything, matter of fact. A reward was put up.... but so far nothing.

Where was the father during all of this? They say he works in Saudi as a taxi driver... has anyone wondered if he took the child there... ?? Has anyone checked?

The one thought that I don't dare think about is the possibility of child predators being in Bahrain. Irregardless of the crime here, Bahrain is still very safe for children. They can play outside alone, walk on the streets w/ their siblings, get lost in a supermarket or wonder off from their parents... and ppl don't have to worry about someone taking them. This, I call safe.

Unless this little Bader was taken or something. How sad that I think it would be better that something else happened to him... like it would be so much better.... but in all actuality, it would be. If abductions and the likes start happening here w/ little children.... it is seriously time to worry.

Do you ever wonder?

and try to look into ppl's lives?

Watching ppl while in a restaurant eating, I find myself wondering about their lives. Where they're going, why they have that particular look on their face.... are they happy.

I saw a man walking w/ a plastic bag in one hand filled w/ aluminum and in the other hand he held a long coat wire. I wondered if he dug around in dumpsters w/ that wire coat hanger. He looked tired and his spirit dragged.

I saw two women walk outside of Miami Hotel and they looked like women of the night. Were they? I wondered where they were going, what their lives must be like, what happens to turn a woman's life to that. Were they happy?

Today my friend, Bint Battuta, said something to me that struck a chord... a chord I've talked to myself about many times... pondered.... but today, for some reason, it sunk in and I thought about it and it's still w/ me.

Do you think that a person makes their own happiness... in that, even when someone is a bad person, and you know they are, why do only good things keep happening to them? Why are they the ones to get that promotion, why are they so wealthy, why doesn't karma slap them in the ass? Why do they always seem so happy?

Do we create our own misery and sadness which, in turn, causes bad things to come into our lives? If we're negative or a pessimest (or even a fatalist, like myself), then do we naturally draw bad luck our way....

and if so... what does that mean?

where to start, where to end - Part I

There are so many things on my mind. Tonight's one of those nights where my mind won't calm down, and even though I have tons I could write about, want to write about... I wonder if I'd ever be able to finish a thought, because everything seems to go so deep and is unending, it seems.

First things first... Naief is recovering from his 3rd sets of shots. Since the Ministry of Health rations out polio vaccines, he had to wait to get his until today. His injection site is so red and inflamed and he cries if you touch it. Poor little guy. He wakes up in the middle of dead sleep crying so hard... I figure he's having little babymares about all of it and I do my best to calm him, but he's like mommy and doesn't calm easily. But I hope that in a couple of days, the pain will have subsided, so his mood will be better and he'll feel better.

I've been trying to be a good auntie and have been taking Naief over to visit his cousin in the afternoons for the last few days. When I leave there, I find that I am constantly searching for an answer to something that can't be answered, for like I said, it's unending.

This is my nephew, Naief's cousin.

How else to say it, but to say it....?? He's a mean little boy. Before, when Naief was just a newborn, I found myself unable to deal w/ his ways and stopped going over there for a while. Now, after finding fabulous anti-anxiety meds, I have found a calmness somewhere in the sphere of this child's madness.

I say madness lightly... for I honestly don't want to be mean. I can be and have been in the past... but since getting to know him better, I feel more sadness and then a lot of anger... after he tries time after time to hurt the baby.... well, it sends me into a loss for what to do, how to act, what to say.... seriously, no book, no program, no body can prepare you for these sorts of things.

I find myself questioning my own style of raising my baby. I question all sorts of things... I question the environment in this country, traditions, religion... the fact that he's a boy... just so many things play into what is happening in my world.... be it as small as it is, it feels quite large at times and, again, unending.

No, I'm not hoping for the world to end, my life to end, the baby's life to end... nothing like that. Just for a few ppl to wake up and smell the roses and get a freakin CLUE as to how to raise a child.

No... It is far from easy - raising a child that is. Yeah, I had lots of advice to give prior to having children - many times to my own sister, which she didn't appreciate it... but maybe, somewhere in the back of her mind, she listened. Maybe.

Well... I'm at place w/ this issue that I just can't see going anywhere unless I try to tear down the very fabric from which it's built - this little boy.

Honestly, my mind is going 100 mph w/ all the thoughts tossing around when it comes to this child, his mother, his father... and the housemaids/nannies/babysitters. I've been watching all of it for days now. Participating, playing, swinging, reading, giving kisses/sugars, tickling, singing... just anything and everything to make this little boy happy around my son. But, he's jealous. Not all the time, but most of the time. Now... I might add, just to be catty... I'm the only one, other than the housemaids, that sit on the floor w/ this child. I'm the only one that plays w/ this child, other than the housemaid(s), maybe two at one time... depending. I'm the only one that doesn't give my child to a housemaid and go in w/ the adults and let them raise a child. See... I'll tell a little secret... I was raised that children should not be heard, but seen - which isn't the best school of thought... so I don't want you guys to think that I have all the answers because I don't.

I can at least dream, right??

In my childhood, we could play in the same room w/ my mom and my mom even played games w/ us or my aunts or uncles, and I had tons of cousins and such and we all pretty much spent all of our time together because there was never a babysitter from another country looking after the kids. So... this is my background when comparing what I see here... and the books I've read and studied in school.... but again, NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR LIFE!

Today, when we first get there, H is so excited and will run up to give Naief a kiss, and it's really sweet. The thing is, he becomes somewhat uncontrollable soon after this and makes for a very busy day. Anything and everything I bring for Naief, H wants it. That's ok, I believe in sharing toys - H wasn't taught. I give him some of my juice, my green tea, and today I read three books to him in English (he speaks arabic w/ a little, tiny amount of english - but i know i can teach him... just give me a few months! :) ) Anyway... He sat on my lap while I read and we pointed to the pictures, made the sounds of the animals and I showed him other things in order to know what I was saying... it was very sweet. He actually loved it and didn't move a muscle. I pointed at everything, explained everything, even tickled him w/ the fizzies that where in his mug... he laughed and so enjoyed it. H watches me, I've noticed. I think I'm the only one that he'll mind but then he gets mad because I tell him no to doing something (like hitting the baby) and he'll go out of his way to be mean to Naief. He kisses me and listens to me like no one else. But... whenever any attention is paid on Naief, he becomes a little insane monster filled w/ jealousy, that's awarded to the baby like a prize, and he'll either start trying to kick him, try to bite him, pinch him as hard as he can, try to slap him or hit him w/ objects, or just scream until he gets what he wants, which is usually to try to hurt Naief.

I think I've become the Super Nanny. ;) I laugh, but seriously. I watch her all the time and I'm trying some of her moves on H. I get down to his level, w/ the baby in my arms and tell him why he shouldn't do this or that, I try to explain why we don't bite and to give kisses instead... and that Naief is a little baby and to be nice. he listens for a brief second and then tries it again - just on someone else this time, which is usually the housemaid watching him... and it's back to the same old ways as soon as his mom comes in.

I wish she'd take the child in her arms. Hold him, kiss him.... so many things really, but like i said, I won't be catty. I will add though, that she's also very bad about trying to make her son jealous about Naief. i told her today... like i said... but God only knows if it sunk in. Don't get me wrong... I like her. She's nice, funny, friendly, dances a wildly beautiful belly dance.... but... she's a first time mom and is probably not knowing what to do to tame this wild animal herself.

Maybe I could teach a different way of doing things to the boy?? Who would I teach it to? My SIL and insult her? The housemaids... do they care? Would they even understand me?!! Even w/ these possibilties, I still find myself wondering: How do you change a child when you're w/ them for approx. 2 hrs a day, if that, and if they and everyone around them like it just the way it is?

Does anyone think it possible? if so, please... I'm open for advice.

I know Ramadan is coming soon and I'm a bit anxious about all of this. There's so many things about it that's causing me stress... but... something will happen, and we'll figure it out. For those of you that don't know... it's a full month at your parent's/in-laws' house.... so naief will be going there, for the most part, a full month... and then it's to the other relatives' house, which I enjoy, but... phew... a lot of stress.

This little American that hasn't had a sit down w/ her brothers and sisters since.... hmmmmm..... I don't even know the year, and STILL isn't used to all of this. But, I love Naief and I love Hashim.... so I will at least try.... maybe a change can happen?? you think??

Ok, my Valerian root has kicked in... so I'm tired and off to bed.

Good night... sweet dreams