the big argument

(sorry... but this is a really long post... but worth the read, I think)

This past weekend, my MIL got a cabin for two nights at Al Bandar. She took it one night and me, the hubby and Naief took it the 2nd night. Since we usually have lunch w/ the family on Friday's and since MIL was staying in the cabin on Friday, it was decided that everyone would do lunch there. We were told to be there around 1:30 p.m. or so.... but since most everyone is always late for lunches like this, we showed up at 2 pm.

We pull up, get out and put the baby in the stroller and head to the cabin. Once there, we knock, the door opens and we go in. My SIL, who married into the family, is there w/ her son who is almost 2 yrs old. She's holding him and comes over to say hello and kisses my cheeks - as is the custom here.

Since my housemaid was told by her housemaid that her son was very sick just two days prior to this - running fever and possibly w/ chicken pocks (even tho the SIL made it very clear to her housemaid not to tell anyone in the family that her child was sick or so we were told), I, not caring if this was supposed to be a secret, immediately asked if her son was sick. I could tell she didn't like it and she went on and on that her son wasn't sick.

As I was getting Naief out of the stroller, my husband went outside to get a few things from the car and SIL followed him out to ask why I'm always asking her if her son is sick. Hubby didn't tell me this until we were sitting down to lunch, which btw, SIL, MIL, housemaid and SIL's sister all went to the pool area for a swim fest, so it was only me and the hubby and Naief at lunch.

Needless to say, when hubby told me what SIL said, it pissed me off because one, she told him thinking that he would reign me in and tell me a thing or two so as not to upset her in the future and two, it just pissed me off because she didn't have the nerve to say it to my face.... she's always going around trying to stab ppl in the back. Here's a little history about this girl/woman/demonic thing that some of you might like to know.

She has caused me problems from the very start - even before she married into the family. I suppose she made it her mission in life to make sure I didn't marry my husband or to cause me such emotional stress that I would question everything related to him, Bahrain and Arabs in general and then, because of this, me and the hubby would eventually break up or some such thing.

I can remember the first time I came to Bahrain to meet the family. She was over to the house w/ some other girl and hubby's sister, and when we came inside from being out, she started flirting so heavily w/ hubby and was wearing such revealing clothes that I started to wonder if all the girls were like this and why didn't she have any respect for the fact that we were engaged.... so when I came here to live a couple of yrs later, I was shocked to see that this same girl was marrying my husband's brother! fun fun

There is so much about this girl that I can not stand. I could probably write continuous blogs about her and the things she said and did in the beginning of my life here, and all the things she still does (it's my real life soap opera).... but.... instead, I'll get to the point. Oh... but let me say one more thing about this and then I'll get to the somewhat juicy details.

All this stuff w/ this guy Cho and the killings at Virginia Tech made me start thinking about my years in junior high and how I hated it and why, etc., etc..... so needless to say, I was feeling a lot of sadness the other day and because of that, I decided for my husband's and son's sake, I would try to turn over a new leaf and not let these type of situations cause me stress, and instead of playing all nicey nicey and letting certain ppl walk all over me, so as not to offend anyone, I decided it best to start speaking up about the things I care about.

So w/ this said.... here are the juicy details... ok, maybe you guys won't think them all that juicy, but they are to me because this is the first time, ever, to go against the family (why do I always envision the mafia when I think about this?!) and speak up or make a scene - you could say.... which is pretty much never done in the family. It's usually said or done behind the person's back, which I literally can NOT stand.... because I hate two-faced ppl.

After lunch, we head back to the cabin. I first wanted to head over to the pool area so I could speak to her face to face, but hubby said it could easily turn into a huge scene, and not wanting to embarrass my MIL, my husband and myself, I agree and decide to phone her instead. You all may be wondering why this particular situation is the one that struck a nerve... all I can say is that I think this has been building for years, and since this girl is married to my BIL, it isn't real easy to just say something. She fully believes she's a princess, but she is nothing more than one of the ugly stepsisters.... and since I'm not afraid of her, this was my opportunity to get heard and to stare the new side of my leaf in the face!

From our room, we could see them over at the baby pool. The demonic bitch, ooops, I mean thing, is sitting at one of the tables w/ her rude sister and my MIL. BIL is w/ the housemaid at the pool area tending to the child... like always.

The first call shows that she's on the other line. I wait a few minutes and call her back. I'm using hubby's phone coz I know she'll pick up.... and she does. I immediately tell her that I'm calling because hubby told me that she had an issue w/ my asking if her son was sick. Without hesitation, she starts her crap telling me that I always ask if her son is sick and why, blah, blah, blah. I raise my voice and tell her to please stop talking in order for me to tell her the reason for my call. She stops talking for probably 10 seconds... this is when I tell her that I asked if her son was sick because two days prior they had taken him to the hospital w/ a very high fever and what looked to be chicken pocks. She said that he wasn't sick and that it was one of his normal visits.

This is when I said, "then why did your housemaid tell my housemaid that he was really sick and not to tell anyone". She started screaming and said that she didn't care what her housemaid said and that her son wasn't sick. I come back w/ the fact that he looks sick and that my son is only 2 1/2 mths old, has only had one dose of his injections and that he could very easily get whatever her son had, and that it did matter to me if her son was sick because I didn't want my son getting sick. At this point, she starts talking non-stop. Going on and on about how this is her son and how I shouldn't ask this. This is when I raise my voice again and ask her to stop talking (which is a joke because she doesn't understand what it means not to talk). She screams back that she won't stop talking, so I start talking non-stop w/ my voice raised, so as to drown her out... and tell her that I asked because her son is ALWAYS sick and that everyone knows it and how she takes her son to the school sick and that I knew this and so did my other SIL, and that she never lets her son get well, and again I state that my son is a baby and that I will not have him around her child when he's sick or around any one that is sick.

At some point, she tells me that I should leave my son at home if I'm so worried about him getting sick, and I tell her that I do and have always done that, and that she should leave her son at home if he's sick. (sidebar - we are both pretty much screaming at this point and why it went to screaming w/ her is beyond me. I basically started yelling because she wouldn't shut her mouth and when she raised her voice while talking non-stop, I did the same because she wasn't going to do what she always does to me.... because this time, it was about our child.... this time I wasn't going to be polite)

I proceed to tell her that I did nothing wrong in asking if her son was sick, and that I would never stop asking because if it's not her son then it's my other SIL's child that's sick, and that both of their children are always sick (which is the truth) and I didn't want my baby to get sick. Since she continued to say whatever she was saying and not allowing me to talk, I started saying this sentence over and over again, until she got so mad that she told me that she never wanted to see me again and that's when I yelled, "that is fine w/ me".... and at this point, she hung up the phone.

At this point, I tell hubby that I want to leave. I have not been able to stand this wannabe princess/demonic thing since the very beginning but have held my tongue for the sake of the family and for my husband, but since he was fine w/ my telling her what I thought.... well.... I can't tell you the weight it took off of my shoulders. I don't care if I ever see her again. For two years now she's been doing this "I'm like your sister" crap w/ me... all the while I say ok and let her think I believe it. But see... I've never trusted her and she would never be like a sister to me. I always knew she was saying things.... but only until recently did I hear what was being said by the gossip of her housemaid to my housemaid.... they're both Sri Lankan and they talk about everyone and everything. (and w/ the things I know now.... there are some around here that need to be very careful about what they're doing because these housemaids and yard guys know every little bitty secret that's out there!!)

Once we're home, the hubby gets a call from his mom. I knew it wouldn't be long until someone called, but I figured it would be my BIL if the truth be known. Hubby said that she asked if I was okay and he laughed a little and said that I was fine. They talked a little about what took place and then hung up. Hubby saw BIL yesterday and he said nothing. I wonder what that means.

You know, in the States, it is commonplace to ask about the welfare of someone else's child when it has a direct impact on your child. My sister has events cancelled all the time, outings w/ friends rescheduled because of a child being sick. My niece is sent home from school if she has a runny nose.... being sick or having your child get sick from someone else isn't what parents want..... why is it so different here? Many don't seem to take care if their child is ill. They send them off to school to infect all the other kids and they're taken out to the malls and whatnot, when they should be home in bed. I just don't understand it... but I know this.... I will continue to ask if these kids are sick and I don't give a damn if it pisses them off. I have a right to protect my baby.

Yeah, I know there'll be a time when he gets sick, and when he starts school he'll probably get sick a lot.... I know this. But for now... I have a right not to want him around kids, even if they're related, that are sick.

This argument has done a couple of really good things. One, I don't have to pretend to like the demonic thing any more and two, everyone knows now that I'm not playing around any more, and I guess they can look at me as the rude American... because now... I will say what I think. So be it..... I guess I'm rude and an American... Lord help us.