our shades

Couldn't help but to add one more tonight. This was taken a few wks back and it's a favorite of mine.... I think he looks just adorable here.

We go out riding around and whenever ppl see him in these shades, they can't help but to smile...

me too!!!

look at that face

I took this yesterday w/ my telephone while he was playing in his blow up pool.

There are a 100 balls in his pool and it still wouldn't be enough if I started to list all the reasons why and how I love this little boy. He's my love bug.... and I find myself wishing he'd stay this way... altho I know it's not possible, I just find that I adore him more and more each day, and know that one day he'll be all grown up and not slap me in the face early in the morning to let me know it's time to get up or give me kisses just because.

He said mama yesterday.... I was thrilled.... can't wait for him to hold out his arms and say it!! oh yeah... not sure if I mentioned it, but he's crawling now :)

sometimes it's possible

Found Happiness


Busy sidewalks
People walking
all about
Men in thobes, ghitrahs
Faces from far away
places
Dark skin, light skin, red skin, tan skin
Tall, skinny, fat and proud
Smells emerging
as spices simmer
in pots
large enough to bathe in
Men on bicycles,
pedaling along
Down streets
of busy markets
In the middle
of the suq and in the sun
Side streets
are bustling
on this busy afternoon
Shwarmas galore
In beef and chicken
Smells
so sweet
your tummy dances around
People selling pieces
of their
priceless treasures
from far away lands
Happiness
found me
today
on these small, tiny streets
Old
buildings
surround me
brick pavement beneath me
Sometimes
all you can hear
are
honking sounds
I searched
and
found happiness
it's here and there,
it's everywhere
I sat and watched
the people
working away
there were people
talking
and walking
Running
and singing aloud
Children laughing
in the sun
Swings,
slides and
monkey bars
A calmness surrounds me
Finally,
after so long.




i wrote this back in jan. 2006 about bahrain. i thought i'd never find happiness here... but whatta know... it comes from the weirdest of places... right when you're not even looking for it and least expect it.... and then not long after that, i got pregnant.... interesting, i'd say.

what do you call it?

Charming Madness



My mind floods through to the core
Minutes
Slowly they slide through obscurity
…. I let it beckon me
it's easier to escape into my mind
Madness can sometimes surround me
In
and throughout this dark room.
Heavy breathing ………………………………….
And you are beside me
So much
it's all around.

My mind
So vast
Stretching here……………… and then sooooooooooooo far
It takes me to a different realm
I see it,
It shows me one after one
Or it can be
Like a fast picture show.

I laugh and I scream
I cry and I shout
It's only a movie
But I am worn out.

Me, yes……………..
Hi, I'm a Virgo and
A Fire Horse
It's so nice to meet you
Isn't it nice outside?

Laugh, no cry
The wit
and oh ………
the charm.
My inspiration
Now, there's a word
C H A R M.

Yes, I'm a cynic
But most writers are
Use it
Be creative
My inner power.

Writing
My mind
Funny,
how it escapes me
As I remind myself to breathe
Madness?
Many try to show and even say it is so

I believe
That only you will know.



not sure when i wrote this. either last year or year before. it's a favorite of mine.

is it sunday already?

Moody Sunday


What's in a mood?

Swinging
here to there
Never staying to rest long
In her home away
from home

Swayed
by the weather?
I would seriously ponder
that thought

Tempered by fate
Weathered by change

Not alone on this path

As she swims through a
cluttered mind
Exhaling bubbles of life
Into the unforgotten state
of sweet tasting
Clarity



this is a poem i wrote last year... and since it's sunday and since i found it today... thought it was appropriate.

another one bites the dust!

why me??? here my hair is already thin... not like i can stand to even lose a few strands, but low and behold, my hormones are shifting and my hair has started to fall out. i sorta thought it might slow down by now, but it seems to be getting worse. a friend of mine who had her baby 2 mths before me, started losing hair at 4 mths, and told me it was coming out in the handfuls, but she has lush, thick hair... but she still panicked. now... i am. her dr. gave her some stuff for it, i'm maybe wanting some of this! ;)

well, my sister has left on a 9 day vacation to Yosemite National Park. i'm totally wanting to go. i wish i was there to go w/ them. she took katelyn camping at nine mths, in the freezing cold and she loved it! the pictures are adorable.... i think naief would really love it. well... maybe the next time. since they go every year and have a nice, big camping trailer now.... we could all tag along for a very enjoyable trip. now... only if me and the sis could stand 9 days together! ;) :0

i've decided to take a vacation to the States some time very soon. it's just gonna be me and baby traveling. i'm a bit terrified. i say that loosely, because i'm strong and know i can handle it, but there are pieces of it that sorta just freak me out. for one, do i take a stroller or carry him in a backpack type of harness while waiting for the flight, during layover and such. do i get an extra seat for him and put his car seat in the chair or do we get only one seat and he sits in my lap the entire time? do i get benadryl for the flight so that he can sleep or will it make him hyper, like some children? do i rely on natural physics and let him fall asleep on his own... because he has a tendency to cry when i'm putting him down until he falls asleep and sometimes it's fierce crying, so i can imagine what the other passengers (the ones w/out children - who have never had children) might be bothered.

should i care?!! it is my little one after all. i heard some time back where some airline made a woman get off the flight w/ her child because she/he kept saying "bye bye plane" or something and the stewardess got mad about it, complained, and they were made to get off.

imagine! i would throw a major ass fit. i have a temper.... i can only imagine it flaring at a time like that. i'd probably be barred from ever flying w/ that airline again! ;)

i'm also concerned about the layover and carrying the baby for that long on my back. if i don't take a stroller, then if he started getting cranky, i'd have to carry him in my arms... but hey, we could always find a nice place to sit down, relax and play until it was time for our flight.

and what about feeding him? you have to take all your bottles, formula and they can't give you sterilized water for the bottle... but they can warm water for you. which is cool... and would work nicely. and then i think about changing. some airlines have bathrooms equipped w/ changes tables on the doors, so that would be helpful. how about boredom and the fact that he wouldn't be able to move basically, other than around on my lap. i wonder how he'd handle that. would he cry a lot??

i'm also trying to debate about when i'd travel. my aunt, whom i haven't seen in .... gosh, since i was a teenager, is gonna be in Calif. to visit my mom in early sept., and i'd love to see her. but, then that means i'd have to leave at the start of Ramadan and wouldn't be able to spend Ramadan and Eid w/ the family and extended family, which is important to hubby, and it would basically be the baby's first holiday... and pictures would have to go in the baby book!! :)

so, if i stay thru, then i miss my aunt, but that always means i can stay thru two holidays. Halloween and thanksgiving. both are ones that i love. i think it would be great to take the baby in a little costume out w/ his 7 yr old cousin. gosh... how fun would that be! and then thanksgiving, well... it's been forever since i spent that holiday w/ my family. i think the last time was when my sister was just dating her husband... some 11 years ago! i'd look at coming back before Christmas... because have to put up a tree and decorations for the baby's first Christmas... and can't miss that w/ my husband. altho, i'd dearly love to have that w/ my family. but that would mean w/out my husband.... and since he's very important and our family life together has change drastically and is as important... i feel it only right to come back and do the whole thing here!

aaahhhh... the baby's first Christmas! :) altho, he won't remember it, there will be tons of pictures... and it'll be really nice. he'll love the paper... just like the cats! ;)

naief is cutting his upper teeth and has been having such pain w/ them. he wants to bite on everything and so he should. i give him as much as possible to satisfy that need, and on occasion have given him a finger, which i only regret when he bites down super hard ....

he's walking now in his walker. i take him downstairs w/ me in the mornings and while i'm doing dishes, cleaning and such, he walks around squealing at the cats and babbling non-stop. i love this time. he gives me kisses now when i ask for them... ok, not every time, but at the best times. his hair is growing in... and GUESS WHAT???!!!!! it's blond! everyone's amazed and, you know, when he was born that was the first thing i told hashim, "he has blond hair"... but then, it was dark.... but now, it's blond. so so cute.

we saw my husband's aunt the other day at Geant and she told us that hashim had blond hair when he was little. hashim had told me this already but i refused to believe it. she told me that her son, who was w/ her, had also had blond hair.... and his hair was now a dark brown. hashim's is really dark... basically brownish/black... so i figure that when naief reaches 7 or 8, his hair will start to turn darker. i was born w/ white blond hair.... and kept it until i started getting around that age... but it was always dark blond or dishwater blond, as it's called, until in my 30s. now, it seems that most of it is turning grey, so i dye it whatever color i want! :)

anyway... that's about it. except, the baby is crawling full scale now and gets everywhere fast. he's starting to pull himself up, but hasn't accomplished it... so i know there are many things to be done here. i've already started moving things so that he can't get to it. he also wants to eat most things we're eating and insists on drinking bottled water, when i'm drinking it. he LOVES it. it's cute to watch.

that's about it. i've been super busy.... now i see why they say that motherhood is the hardest job on the planet. it's nice though because he's getting bigger and it's easier to get things done. i can only imagine how it'll be once he starts to walk. cleaning and running after him... well, i can think of a really great benefit... might finally lose the baby fat! :)

sweet day and sweet dreams!

Big Brother IS watching!

Mahmood's Den has a recent post on the Smart Card, which is supposed to be implemented here in Bahrain very soon... altho some are saying that it all depends on when you renewed your CPR card (identification)....

In thinking about this Smart Card, I find myself wondering what it will reveal to other ppl about my life... ppl that I may not particularly want to know things about me... maybe even things that I find to be personal and none of their business. Which leads me to wonder who will be keeping track of all this knowledge/information? Some ordinary Joe? Someone that has had their mouth permanently stitched shut and who can not communicate otherwise?! For we all know how Bahrain is and how fast information travels.... right?

Not like I'm hiding any big secrets or anything... but I'm just sitting here thinking generally. Really, it doesn't matter to me what the information is... I particularly don't want ppl knowing my business unless I allow them to know my business.

So where does that leave me and you?

Up sh*t creek w/out a paddle? Wouldn't ya say ... or are we already there?

For instance... over a month 1/2 ago, one of my drs. left on holiday. Before doing so, she wrote a prescription out/details in my folder for 3 mths worth of medicine that I'm using. This is at AMH, btw. Well, when I go to check out, I decide to wait and not get all three months.... matter of fact, I didn't need any at that time, so I told the pharmacist that I would come back when I needed the refill and get it then. No problem, I was told.

After a few weeks, I went back to refill one month... still have two months waiting for me, for when I need it.... but to my surprise, I found out from the pharmacist that it doesn't matter if the dr. has written a prescription for the meds, it's up to the Ministry of Heath if you get your medicine. All files are sent to them and after they look it over and review it, it's then that they decide if you can continue to use that particular medicine.

This was COMPLETE NEW to me. I had no idea. I thought AMH was an independent hospital.... but obviously not. Matter of fact, it would be easier for me to see a dr. outside the hospital, get a prescription in my hand, and take it to an outside pharmacy. I have a better chance of getting my medicine like that than I do going thru the hospital. Which is absolute nonsense..... or at least I think it is.

When we took Naief to AMH (Saar) to get his 6 mth shots, we were told that we'd have to come back when they got more babies scheduled for the polio vaccine because they were given limited quantities from the MofH and couldn't give the dosage to the baby at that time.

Again... I was dumbstruck. I could not believe they were rationing the medicine like this.

Am I living in la la land or what?!! Am I the last to know that this is going on? Why on earth would the MofH be in a place - some person there w/ nothing better to do but review files and decide who gets what - where they can play like God somewhat. Are they only buying limited quantities of everything and that's why they're hording it in such a way??

I will say that when I went back a few wks ago to pick up my 2nd month of meds, I didn't have any hassle.... I'm waiting for the day that they tell me that I can't have them... based on what the MofH has decided. And the baby was called a week after his appt. to come out to get his polio drops.

So, I guess my whole point here is... will it really matter if the Smart Card has private information available to most everyone on it??? For ppl are watching and have been for a long time, I'd assume.

Bader, where are you?

I can't even imagine what the mother of this little Bader must be going through. If my child came up missing.... I really think I'd lose control of everything.

I get angry and terribly sad at the same time when I think about the situation. Here the mother left the kids alone, which shouldn't have been done, and the older brother went inside to watch TV, then the child disappears. And from what I read in the paper a while back, they didn't even realize that he was missing until something like 7:30 in the evening. Which is even worse.

There should be some type of alert system here.... like the Amber Alert in the U.S. We get a lot of abductions in the U.S.... from pedophiles and killers... so they created this alert on this little girl's (Amber) behalf. She was abducted and killed. No one reacted fast enough to find her, so now, when a child comes up missing, the Amber Alert is sounded w/ radio stations broadcasting it and such so that there's a better chance of finding the child.

But would something like this work here? Do the cops care? Do they care about anything, matter of fact. A reward was put up.... but so far nothing.

Where was the father during all of this? They say he works in Saudi as a taxi driver... has anyone wondered if he took the child there... ?? Has anyone checked?

The one thought that I don't dare think about is the possibility of child predators being in Bahrain. Irregardless of the crime here, Bahrain is still very safe for children. They can play outside alone, walk on the streets w/ their siblings, get lost in a supermarket or wonder off from their parents... and ppl don't have to worry about someone taking them. This, I call safe.

Unless this little Bader was taken or something. How sad that I think it would be better that something else happened to him... like it would be so much better.... but in all actuality, it would be. If abductions and the likes start happening here w/ little children.... it is seriously time to worry.

Do you ever wonder?

and try to look into ppl's lives?

Watching ppl while in a restaurant eating, I find myself wondering about their lives. Where they're going, why they have that particular look on their face.... are they happy.

I saw a man walking w/ a plastic bag in one hand filled w/ aluminum and in the other hand he held a long coat wire. I wondered if he dug around in dumpsters w/ that wire coat hanger. He looked tired and his spirit dragged.

I saw two women walk outside of Miami Hotel and they looked like women of the night. Were they? I wondered where they were going, what their lives must be like, what happens to turn a woman's life to that. Were they happy?

Today my friend, Bint Battuta, said something to me that struck a chord... a chord I've talked to myself about many times... pondered.... but today, for some reason, it sunk in and I thought about it and it's still w/ me.

Do you think that a person makes their own happiness... in that, even when someone is a bad person, and you know they are, why do only good things keep happening to them? Why are they the ones to get that promotion, why are they so wealthy, why doesn't karma slap them in the ass? Why do they always seem so happy?

Do we create our own misery and sadness which, in turn, causes bad things to come into our lives? If we're negative or a pessimest (or even a fatalist, like myself), then do we naturally draw bad luck our way....

and if so... what does that mean?

where to start, where to end - Part I

There are so many things on my mind. Tonight's one of those nights where my mind won't calm down, and even though I have tons I could write about, want to write about... I wonder if I'd ever be able to finish a thought, because everything seems to go so deep and is unending, it seems.

First things first... Naief is recovering from his 3rd sets of shots. Since the Ministry of Health rations out polio vaccines, he had to wait to get his until today. His injection site is so red and inflamed and he cries if you touch it. Poor little guy. He wakes up in the middle of dead sleep crying so hard... I figure he's having little babymares about all of it and I do my best to calm him, but he's like mommy and doesn't calm easily. But I hope that in a couple of days, the pain will have subsided, so his mood will be better and he'll feel better.

I've been trying to be a good auntie and have been taking Naief over to visit his cousin in the afternoons for the last few days. When I leave there, I find that I am constantly searching for an answer to something that can't be answered, for like I said, it's unending.

This is my nephew, Naief's cousin.

How else to say it, but to say it....?? He's a mean little boy. Before, when Naief was just a newborn, I found myself unable to deal w/ his ways and stopped going over there for a while. Now, after finding fabulous anti-anxiety meds, I have found a calmness somewhere in the sphere of this child's madness.

I say madness lightly... for I honestly don't want to be mean. I can be and have been in the past... but since getting to know him better, I feel more sadness and then a lot of anger... after he tries time after time to hurt the baby.... well, it sends me into a loss for what to do, how to act, what to say.... seriously, no book, no program, no body can prepare you for these sorts of things.

I find myself questioning my own style of raising my baby. I question all sorts of things... I question the environment in this country, traditions, religion... the fact that he's a boy... just so many things play into what is happening in my world.... be it as small as it is, it feels quite large at times and, again, unending.

No, I'm not hoping for the world to end, my life to end, the baby's life to end... nothing like that. Just for a few ppl to wake up and smell the roses and get a freakin CLUE as to how to raise a child.

No... It is far from easy - raising a child that is. Yeah, I had lots of advice to give prior to having children - many times to my own sister, which she didn't appreciate it... but maybe, somewhere in the back of her mind, she listened. Maybe.

Well... I'm at place w/ this issue that I just can't see going anywhere unless I try to tear down the very fabric from which it's built - this little boy.

Honestly, my mind is going 100 mph w/ all the thoughts tossing around when it comes to this child, his mother, his father... and the housemaids/nannies/babysitters. I've been watching all of it for days now. Participating, playing, swinging, reading, giving kisses/sugars, tickling, singing... just anything and everything to make this little boy happy around my son. But, he's jealous. Not all the time, but most of the time. Now... I might add, just to be catty... I'm the only one, other than the housemaids, that sit on the floor w/ this child. I'm the only one that plays w/ this child, other than the housemaid(s), maybe two at one time... depending. I'm the only one that doesn't give my child to a housemaid and go in w/ the adults and let them raise a child. See... I'll tell a little secret... I was raised that children should not be heard, but seen - which isn't the best school of thought... so I don't want you guys to think that I have all the answers because I don't.

I can at least dream, right??

In my childhood, we could play in the same room w/ my mom and my mom even played games w/ us or my aunts or uncles, and I had tons of cousins and such and we all pretty much spent all of our time together because there was never a babysitter from another country looking after the kids. So... this is my background when comparing what I see here... and the books I've read and studied in school.... but again, NOTHING PREPARES YOU FOR LIFE!

Today, when we first get there, H is so excited and will run up to give Naief a kiss, and it's really sweet. The thing is, he becomes somewhat uncontrollable soon after this and makes for a very busy day. Anything and everything I bring for Naief, H wants it. That's ok, I believe in sharing toys - H wasn't taught. I give him some of my juice, my green tea, and today I read three books to him in English (he speaks arabic w/ a little, tiny amount of english - but i know i can teach him... just give me a few months! :) ) Anyway... He sat on my lap while I read and we pointed to the pictures, made the sounds of the animals and I showed him other things in order to know what I was saying... it was very sweet. He actually loved it and didn't move a muscle. I pointed at everything, explained everything, even tickled him w/ the fizzies that where in his mug... he laughed and so enjoyed it. H watches me, I've noticed. I think I'm the only one that he'll mind but then he gets mad because I tell him no to doing something (like hitting the baby) and he'll go out of his way to be mean to Naief. He kisses me and listens to me like no one else. But... whenever any attention is paid on Naief, he becomes a little insane monster filled w/ jealousy, that's awarded to the baby like a prize, and he'll either start trying to kick him, try to bite him, pinch him as hard as he can, try to slap him or hit him w/ objects, or just scream until he gets what he wants, which is usually to try to hurt Naief.

I think I've become the Super Nanny. ;) I laugh, but seriously. I watch her all the time and I'm trying some of her moves on H. I get down to his level, w/ the baby in my arms and tell him why he shouldn't do this or that, I try to explain why we don't bite and to give kisses instead... and that Naief is a little baby and to be nice. he listens for a brief second and then tries it again - just on someone else this time, which is usually the housemaid watching him... and it's back to the same old ways as soon as his mom comes in.

I wish she'd take the child in her arms. Hold him, kiss him.... so many things really, but like i said, I won't be catty. I will add though, that she's also very bad about trying to make her son jealous about Naief. i told her today... like i said... but God only knows if it sunk in. Don't get me wrong... I like her. She's nice, funny, friendly, dances a wildly beautiful belly dance.... but... she's a first time mom and is probably not knowing what to do to tame this wild animal herself.

Maybe I could teach a different way of doing things to the boy?? Who would I teach it to? My SIL and insult her? The housemaids... do they care? Would they even understand me?!! Even w/ these possibilties, I still find myself wondering: How do you change a child when you're w/ them for approx. 2 hrs a day, if that, and if they and everyone around them like it just the way it is?

Does anyone think it possible? if so, please... I'm open for advice.

I know Ramadan is coming soon and I'm a bit anxious about all of this. There's so many things about it that's causing me stress... but... something will happen, and we'll figure it out. For those of you that don't know... it's a full month at your parent's/in-laws' house.... so naief will be going there, for the most part, a full month... and then it's to the other relatives' house, which I enjoy, but... phew... a lot of stress.

This little American that hasn't had a sit down w/ her brothers and sisters since.... hmmmmm..... I don't even know the year, and STILL isn't used to all of this. But, I love Naief and I love Hashim.... so I will at least try.... maybe a change can happen?? you think??

Ok, my Valerian root has kicked in... so I'm tired and off to bed.

Good night... sweet dreams

Almost 6 mths

Can hardly believe that in 5 days, Naief will be 6 mths old!! Thankfully time is not really flying and both me and Hashim are enjoying watching him grow, discover and have fun.

Thought I'd put a cute photo up for all of you. Last week, we decided to fill his baby pool and take him for a dip for the first time. He cried a little but also enjoyed it. I think as time goes by, he'll really enjoy getting wet and swimming.

He's on the verge of crawling. I expect that w/in the next couple of weeks, he'll master it or it sure seems that way. This morning he was rocking back and forth while in the crawling position, and he moved his leg forward and then the other one, then fell on the bed exhausted! ;) So... looks like it'll be any day now.... :)

He's growing so fast. We have to take him to the dr. on the 4th to have his 3rd set of shots. I hope he doesn't get sick this time. Last time he caught a cold that lasted for a few weeks and it was so hard on him, and hard on me. I hated seeing him sick. I will tell you guys... for anyone who doesn't know, they have these great little suction things out there that pull the stuff right outta the nose. Great little gadget that is. Whenever his nose got stuffed up, I'd use that and wallah..he could breathe!

Anyway... I'm enjoying motherhood. Never thought I'd be one to say it... but here I am.

He's doing so many new little things. Every day you see something new. I love to watch him explore the world and realize things. Right now he's into cause and affect. He'll drop a toy and look right at me. I pick it up, give it back to him and he does it again. Sometimes he even laughs. He loves songs and will laugh when I sing to him. Do you think this is a bad thing??!! ;) lol

He knows who mommy and daddy are and will put out his arms to come to me... which I love. He adores Hashim.... and watches everything his daddy does. I've started looking around our room and the house... realizing just how much stuff we'll have to put up once he starts to crawl. In our room alone, seems like we'll have to strip it. Cabinets will have to be locked or child proofed.... tables (glass) will have to be put up until later... we'll have to get gates for the stairs... things you don't think about until you see how quickly he moves across the bed and grabs things, and how fast he grabs at a glass you're drinking from, or grabs from a plate of food that you're eating. He wants everything.... so I know that the house will need major child proofing before this little boy gets a running start on all that's breakable!

We've actually decided to have another baby. Can you believe it??? Well... or at least we'll try. I hate to say anything until it's actually happened... for I seem to jinx myself w/ things. I would love to have a little girl... but little boys are just as sweet, I'm finding out. This morning he actually gave me a kiss when I asked for one! :) How sweet is that??!!

Nice day everyone!

Is it hot or what?!!

What are the temps today??? What were they yesterday? It was 42 in Dubai yesterday (I believe), and, to me, it feels about that high here... but I have no idea really, but I know it's hot. Feels like a big hot sauna.... minus the atmosphere.

This type of weather gives me a headache... and they say that humidity is good for ya.... or at least good for the skin. I have yet to see the results of living in such humid weather... maybe one day.

What's been going on? One friend, Jane, from Lost in America, asked me a week or so ago about the voices in our house and what happened w/ that. Thankfully, since that time, I haven't heard another voice. We've decided to change the locks on our house, just in case... and since we heard that our last housemaid (the one who ran away) is living some place w/ her husband who, as we were told, is beating her and keeping her tied to the bed... we can't be sure that they wouldn't try breaking in or something. Altho, Hashim says that he doubts if they'll ever come over in this area again... and I agree.

I didn't mention that they caught the girl who worked for my BIL... the one who ran away w/ them... and then her sister turned herself in after her sister didn't come home. They were the ones to tell the family about Bali and the way he's treating his wife - before being deported. Who knows if it's true... I have no idea. I hope not though.

We've been house sitting for the in-laws who have been away traveling for the summer. My FIL, SIL and her son are coming back tomorrow. Thank goodness because it's really hot in this house. They have large rooms and it seems like it takes hours to cool them... and for me and the baby, well... it's horrible. Naief loves cool air and we always keep our house pretty chilly (he gets this from his momma), so his naps have been far and few between at present... and it makes both he and his momma cranky.... so it'll be a good day when we go back!!

I saw on the tube the other day where some footballer in the States was charged on dog fighting. They showed a pic of he and his dog... which is a Pit bull... and they were talking about how much he "loved" his dog. Yeah... ok. When you fight your dog w/ other dogs.... when does love for that animal come into the picture? This same guy has also been charged w/ what happens to the dogs that lose. They hang the animals, drown them or electrocute them... can you believe this?!! I can... and it makes me sick.

Honestly, I hope ppl like this go straight to hell and live the rest of their lives, before death, in absolute agony. I hope they get cancer or the worst things possible come into their lives, and are plagued w/ pain that no pain reliever will get rid of. You know, when I think about this kind of stuff... I truly want these ppl to suffer the same pain as their animals. Why not put them in a sport where they're torn apart by some large animals... maybe a mountain lion, real hungry lion or, better yet.. a hungry polar bear! Something that will cause serious, long, steady pain for a long amount of time. I know my cats like to torture their victims (birds and such) before killing them... they deserve the same. Seriously, I really hate ppl like this.

Which makes me think of the ppl who do this in Bahrain. It's a huge sport here. All underground of course... but I question how penalties aren't handed down to these ppl when they're caught. I've been at the vet's office countless times when ppl have been there w/ dogs that have obviously been in dog fights. I've questioned my husband on why the vet doesn't turn these ppl in... I think I've even ranted on here about it... but what good does it do when you have a society that doesn't give a crap about dogs... ok, not all, but a large majority see them as devils that need to be killed out in the open.

The other day, when we came to my in-laws for the house sitting, there was a dog out in a pen in the backyard. After close inspection and after letting him out because of his desperate need for attention, we discovered that it was a Pit bull. He was soooo sweet. I couldn't help but wonder if he would be fought at some time in his life.

Come to find out, my BIL was keeping the dog for one of his friends who was traveling. The dog, being a Pit bull, was so friendly... so I know they haven't been preparing the dog to fight as of yet. Maybe they wont... but I'll tell ya, I did ask my hubby, several times, to call his brother and inquire about the dog... as to whether his friend was planning to fight the animal and such. Hubby didn't... but if he had and if he found out that they did intend to fight the dog, I did tell him that I would steal away the dog and take him to the BSPCA w/out telling anyone... for I would not allow a dog to go thru such cruelty... never.

Yeah.. you guys may think me a bit crazy/strange... but I would do it. I even planned it out. But... the dog is gone now.. the owners came home and the dog was returned. Now.. I'll never know. God help him and maybe the ppl who own him truly love animals and would never allow such to happen to their dog.

At least I can hope.

Smiles everyone....

gaaawwwd, I hate flies!

What is up w/ the flies in this country? Never have I seen flies that don't go away and aren't afraid of humans.

When I was a young girl, I hated them so much that I would go outside, taking the fly swatter w/ me, and kill as many flies as I could in order to keep them from coming into the house..... yeah, ok... I was young... so bear w/ me here! :) I would spend hours killing them. My mom would always be home and I can remember her telling me on more than one occasion that it wouldn't make a difference, but it never deterred my determination. For I was the Fly Killer and proud of it!!!

Now... living here in Bahrain, I don't think I'd ever be able to swat one of these dang little creatures... they're so fast. Not only that, but they seem to withstand even the hardest swat w/ the hand.... so would they even be affected by the good 'ole swatter?

It's gotten so bad that I can't hardly stand to go outside and sit during the summer. They're always buzzing around me... landing on my clothes, my feet, my face, my hair, my arms... and don't get me started about how they worship the baby! There was one in our bedroom the other day and I couldn't kill it for nothing. Every time I'd turn around, it was on the baby's face. aaarrrrggghhhh... I hate them.

I think my big thing w/ flies is that when I was small, I believed that every time they landed, they were laying eggs - which, as you know, turn into maggots. So... every time I'd see one on a plate, a glass and such, I'd fear that they had contaminated whatever it was and such would have to be thrown away. Well... I'm still not sure about that or about what they're doing and why they feel the need to land on me and the baby or how they're always flying around the table when you're eating and no matter what you do, they won't go AWAY... and what's up w/ them always waxing their little legs.... such vile little creatures!

What's the key to getting rid of these things? They're not afraid, that's for sure. I will say though... I do have a few cats that love to kill and eat them. Our cat Ammie is a skilled fly killer. She eats them right up.... she and Petunia love them... makes me wonder what they taste like... kidding. ;) But I do kinda wonder.

anyway.... at least they don't bite.... but now that I think about it... I think I have been bitten by a few of them outside. I know the horse flies in the States bite big time... and it hurts.... are there horse flies here?

warm and fuzzies

Today was a really nice day. I went to the female bloggers meeting and had the best time. Time flew by and before I knew it, 2 hrs had passed and it was time to go home.... thanks for the good time everyone! Btw... you girls are really a nice group of ppl.

I've been thinking about my blog lately.... being bored and not knowing what to write, and then also feeling bad for things I've written in the past. Judging w/out ever giving a reason for the judgment. I've made comments about the way girls wear make-up here and their perfume.. not really thinking about how it might affect other ppl. The bad thing about life is that sometimes when you're exposed to really negative individuals who strive to leave a bad taste in your mouth.... no matter how much you try not to be maimed by it, that bad taste keeps building up and building up.... until you become sorta tarnished, I guess is a way to put it. You start to think differently, judge, and dislike a group of ppl based on past experiences. Yeah... not everyone is alike... I know that... but... I did find myself judging and disliking ppl based on the actions of a few.

I guess you could say it all started like this....

I had the great misfortune of meeting (in person and a few on the net) some Arab girls in the States who were friendly, at first, I guess to size me up for the kill they intended later... with one girl coming to our place, pretending to be all friendly, trying on my eye glasses while going on about how much she liked them, telling me her life story, and later, before leaving, slipping my eye glasses into her purse... now you see them, now you don't.

Thankfully I never saw her again after that.... and no, I didn't mention the glasses to her... what was the point. Not like she'd give 'em back or even admit to it. All of this was after I had been subjected to her retarded/high school girl ways off and on for months.... and, for me, the last straw came when she started coming on way to strong, for my blood, w/ the hubby - over and over again matter of fact, and for anyone who knows me, well...you know I hate that crap more than anything.

One evening, while at a gathering at someone's house... after having a few drinks, I told this girl what I thought of her. And I guess that was the wrong thing to do w/ miss priss because all of the guys there that night (who are Bahraini and now live here - and thankfully I haven't seen any of them!), including her, started telling me how no one would accept me in Bahrain. Ppl would pretend to like me to my face, but would really be laughing behind my back. And that where ever I went, I would need to watch my back... going on and on about how I'd never be accepted, all the while telling me how it's not safe to live here, how everyone hates Americans.... and the main one going on about it was a Royal.... I guess he had to protect his goods.... hmmm... well, she was the goody prize for many or so it seemed from her actions.... maybe it was all based on the fact that I was American, engaged to a Bahraini and no one liked it... I don't know.

They were all just... so nice... ?! I'll tell ya... it gave me such a warm and fuzzy feeling inside... that's fer sure!

And then when I came here, wouldn't you know it, I started to experience these lovely mature ways of behaving from some girls and it seemed that there was a whole new world of games from a select few. Seems that some took this art to a whole new level... because everywhere I turned, I got paint all over me. Such joy. Made my first few years of living here such sweetness.... made me believe those stories for a LONG while.

Needless to say, all of it made me seethe w/ disgust, and I started to wonder if everyone was like this.... hence my blog entries. I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover... but I did.

I believe in karma... so I was getting kicked in the butt for something, obviously.... but one of the girls that did this to me here in Bahrain... well, I still see her on occasion... and... it's true - what goes around comes back around! :)

Memories....

thankfully life is much better now....

and sorry to all of you that I offended.

Happy Birthday Littler Sister

Today is my younger sister's bday! So... I wanted to wish her a

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

May all your wishes come true this year.... may you not get wrinkles until you're 80.... may you accomplish that feat of standing on the scales w/ one big toe... and may you find laughter w/ every turn of the corner!

Cheers.... and wow... it's falling in a weekend... what could be better than that?!!

Me and the lion cub

what a day this was. my 4th grade teacher owned something like a petting zoo, where animals would come to her prior to going to a zoo..... so one day on a class fieldtrip, we got to go to her farm/house and meet tons of animals, including a black bear cub, llamas and this beautiful animal that you see here.

this lion cub was something else. all of us students had to stand in line if we wanted to get our picture made w/ her.... and, believe me, i was soo excited.

before me, everyone had such an easy time.... the cub would sit there patiently, letting each one of them, come up, sit down and get a picture.....

but no... not me. i guess she had had her fill.... for when i arrived, she wanted to get up and play, and wanted nothing to do w/ having me hold her in a sitting position. it took everything i had to hold that cat down. she was strong! and sassy... and seeing that i adored animals back then... well, i was thrilled beyond belief to be sitting there w/ her!! :)

these are such beautiful animals.... definitely would NEVER work as a pet.... but to be able to sit next to a big cat, even as a cub.... well, it's a memory that will always live w/ me....

happy day everyone...

two front teeth

I can hardly believe it.... altho I knew back when he was 4 mths old that he was starting to teethe .... and yep, even when the dr. said that he can't be teething... not until he's at least 5 mths or 6 mths of age....

well... Naief has two teeth coming in. I've been able to see them for a while now - a whiteness thru the gums - but only today have they broken thru. Not a lot, but I can feel them w/ my finger. Aaaaahhhh, after 4 long days of going thru it w/ him.... I'm so happy that they've shown themselves, because not only were they causing a fever, but nothing made this little boy happy... nothing. He was cranky all day, every day, and crying a lot, and even his favorite toys and games weren't enough to help the pain and ease his suffering. I finally started giving him children's panadol and it seemed to help a lot.... for all you new mothers out there.

Today I went out to buy him a few onesies and while I was looking, I had him in the sling, facing forward, in front of me, and one of the Bahraini sales ladies asked if he was 8 mths.... which I could hardly believe and I said, "no, he's 5 mths old". We talked for a bit.... w/ her commenting about how fast everyone wants you to have babies around here, after which she told me that she's been married for a year and hasn't had any children. I told her that I thought that was good... it would give her time to be w/ her husband and for them to enjoy each other because children aren't easy and you no longer have any free time.... boy, ain't that the truth! ;)

Finally, finally, finally... hubby has found some old artwork of mine that I did years ago on Photoshop... he's gonna bring it to the puter upstairs so that I can put a few of them online... I'm still waiting for him to find my poetry from a website that I had years ago w/ most of my poems there... since getting rid of that, he backed it up to someplace (he swore to me) and it's been sorta lost ever since... but I hope this is a sign of good things to come... and soon he'll tell me that he's found my poetry! I hope... because it's not anywhere else. I didn't write down a lot of it... only spending hours online writing one poem after another it seemed... some during my most depressing of days... why it is that I write and paint the best when I'm sad or depressed is beyond me and something that I still long to understand. I only wish I could when happy... but my muse flies away and doesn't come back around 'til I'm sad and depressed again.... weird how I long for days like that so I can paint something or write something of beauty.... or at least to be able to pour my heart out thru my pen.... it was such a release back then.... now I just journal or write here, which is ok... but I miss that other side of me..... makes me wonder why I'd miss such sadness.

some favorite old photos

these are some of my favorite photos from long ago. the first one is of my mother. this is one of my favorites of her... i have another but will have to look around for it. she's such a beauty.

the next photo is of my mom, my sister, jahooni, and me. this was my first perm. oh gosh, how i hated it. my mom had my aunt do it w/out even asking me first... yeah, you wonder how that can happen... well, it did. thought i was getting a simple haircut and look what happened! i wore a hat to school for days because of it and cried my eyes out for days. but.... eventually it grew out.... thank goodness! wasn't my sister such a cute little baby!!! look at that beautiful little smile on her face. funny how having a baby now makes me look at this photo differently! gosh... no wonder she's still so pretty... pretty baby, pretty woman. :)

the last photo is of my sister doing the chinese splits. i could NEVER do them... and it really errrked me that she could! she was a major show off and used to go down in the splits at a moments notice..... btw, she's still a show off.

anyhow... thought i'd share a few of my memories w/ all of you.

today is the 4th of july in the states. i miss that holiday. i love fireworks and it's the best day for being w/ family, bbqing outdoors and just enjoying the weather and life. my sister is having a fun day w/ steak and lobster... probably some beer and maybe my BILs famous margaritas....

Enjoy!!! wish i were there!! :)

spooky

today an odd thing happened. it was around 1 or 1:30 and i had given the baby his bottle, put him down for a nap, and as i was settling in next to him or maybe had even dozed off, i heard a woman's voice in our upstairs hall. it startled me. my cat frankie was on the bed w/ us and he even woke up and turned his head towards the bedroom door rather quickly. the door was closed, btw..

i thought i heard a door close. i felt a bit frightened, so i stayed in my spot for a few ... then decided to get up to see if someone was there. i looked out the window first to see if the front door to the outside was open or if anyone was on the street.... just in case the voice came from outside. no one. the street was empty.

so i opened the door, looked towards the tv room, that door was closed. inched forward and looked into the baby's room window that opens to the hall, the door was closed and i saw no one. i called out..... but nothing. i stood there for a few and then decided to go to the stairs to see if i could hear or see anyone. i got to the stairs, looked down to the area under the stairwell that sorta sees into the sitting area downstairs and i heard nothing. i called out "is someone there.... hello". nothing. i heard no sounds and no one called back to me.

i felt afraid and remembered that i had left the back door unlocked. i figured it would be easier for hubby when he came home from work... never figuring i'd be afraid of someone coming in.

i head back to the bedroom, close the door and wished i knew where the key was.... but i didn't. i actually found myself feeling fear that someone was in the house. then i wondered... ok, it sounded like a woman's voice... maybe someone from my FILs family had sent one of the maid's here.... but why wouldn't they hear me and why had i heard them upstairs?

i went and sat back down on the bed... eventually snuggling into naief who was asleep next to me.... and i dozed off. the next thing i know, it's 2 and hashim comes in to the room. i told him to wake me in another hour or so because i needed to get up and such..... forgetting what had happened and what i had heard.

only tonight, when almost ready for bed did i remember. weird.... because i've been afraid in this house before... afraid that a spirit was here. yesterday when i was downstairs washing dishes, i kept seeing something outta the corner of my eye to my right. every time i'd turn that way, there was nothing moving or nothing there that would catch my eye. i've had this happen before in various rooms. i've worried, but try to dismiss it. i have felt fear in my own bedroom w/ the baby... remember when i said that i felt something in the room w/ us, but felt better when the baby smiled and laughed at whatever it was.... since it is now gone. i've also felt something in the baby's room..... which i don't like.

i don't even like to talk about it.... think about it.... allow my mind to go there. i've always had this knack for feeling something odd - sometimes even seeing things, sensing something bad before it happens, sensing things around me.... even had an event when i was young.... but each time, i feel scared, not refreshed by it or it doesn't feel calm.

who called out today? why did my cat hear it but no one was there? should i fear it....???? because today i also heard what sounded like my husband's studio door closing and things moving about in there..... i asked him if anything was missing, nothing is. he thinks i heard him coming home.... but i asked if he called out to me.... no. did he come upstairs and go into one of the rooms? no.

you know... my MIL told me that i should play the Quran in the baby's room... for it's where Satiya stayed... the maid that did black magic or so we think. and now... that room is where my baby will sleep. i've slept in there and felt afraid.... couldn't even allow myself to put my back to the door, still can't.

i think i'll play the Quran tomorrow.

da, da. da, da

Naief has started to speak..... and is saying da, da, da, da sooooo much. it's so sweet and as you can imagine, daddy loves it. Here in the Middle East they use baba for father/daddy. I call hubby daddy w/ the baby because I knew it would be his first words and because I also think that having those as the first words spoken, I knew it would bring a special bond between him and his daddy.

This past weekend, Hashim slept w/ the baby and I slept in the baby's room so that I could sleep in and it soooo helped. Naief is waking at 6:30 a.m. now, so daddy got to experience a little bit of motherhood - at this stage - for the first time. It isn't easy... babies are a handful, but... wouldn't you know it, the first morning that I slept in, the baby would start talking!! I was a little jealous at first, but now, since he's saying it all the time, I really am enjoying it.

On Friday morning, after sleeping in, I walk into the bedroom, and I could swear that I heard Naief say ma, ma, ma, ma... even maybe mommy. Maybe I was delirious?!! ;) Cause he hasn't said it since... but gosh... it brought such a rush of excitement and joy into my heart.

Today was a really tiring day and for the first time, I actually slept along w/ him when he took his morning and afternoon naps. aaaaahhhhh, the joy from finally being able to do that... sleep!

I've been trying to get him on a routine and it's a lot easier to say than do. He wakes up on schedule, but the rest of the day is his own. He's now waking up in the evenings and wee early hours for additional feedings. He's obviously having a growth spurt... so I'm experiencing the first months of motherhood again. I've added cereal to his diet yesterday. He loves it. I give it once in late morning and then at night. Tonight Hashim added some cherry juice to it and he gobbled it up, even cried when it was finished.

I don't think he'll be a picky eater at all or at least I'm hoping that w/ how he's behaving that it's a sign for good things to come.

One of the girls that is a blog friend just had a baby. You can find her blog at Reem's World. I'm wondering how it's going and if she's tired, which I'm sure she is. Funny how you're just dying for the baby to get older but when he starts, you look back and wish for the time when he was sleeping a lot. Bush gosh, even then I wasn't sleeping w/ him.... but I find myself wishing for a little bit of that time again.

He's started doing so many new things. He's now in a walker and loves pushing himself backwards. He hasn't mastered coming forward yet, but goes from side to side w/out any problems. He's trying his best to crawl right now but his arms aren't strong enough yet. I'm thinking it'll be getting a lot closer by the end of this month.... when this happens.... oh gosh.... I'll have to move so many things and watch everything like a hawk. You don't think about all the little things you have lying around until you have a little baby that's about to start getting into everything. He loves putting things in his mouth and I'd never want to experience him choking.... it's such a huge fear of mine. I lie awake looking at him thinking about it sometimes..... yes... go ahead, tell me how crazy it is... but like I've said in past blogs, I'm a fatalist..... I try not to ... but that stuff just sneaks right up on ya.... but hey, they way I see it... better safe than sorry... don't ya think! I think I need to find a class for learning CPR. I wonder if there are any places around here that teaches it to new mothers... if not, there should be!

anyway.... it's about 9:10 pm here. the baby is asleep, hubby is in the studio and i'm headed off to watch oprah and try to dose off early. take care guys.

p.s. want to apologize coz i've only been visiting a blog every now and again. i miss reading all of you guy's blogs.... believe it or not. thanks for sticking around w/ me.... maybe in a few i'll get back to all my old haunts. :)