my world's aaaa changin'

boy, has my world been changing! you wouldn't think a little thing like walking could bring such change, soooo soon!! this little one has become a new little boy w/ the onset of walking. i'm sure it's his newfound independence, having mommy twisted around his little pinky and realizing there's a whole new world that's opened up to him. phew.... it's exhausting!

he can't run yet... thank gawd, but i can see it coming, and i'm hoping/praying that it's not for a good few months.

now, any time we go someplace, he no longer wants to sit in the stroller for very long, doesn't want to ride in the cart and hates to be held. he'll twist his body around, bend backwards and forwards, and from side to side until you let him down. once he's down, he's gone. when we go to Geant, somehow, someway, this little boy knows exactly how to get to the toy area. it's like there's a little radar beacon that pulls him to where the toy house is and once he gets there, it's like pulling his little baby teeth to get him out of it. he throws little fits when daddy gets him out, tightens his back and screams until we're practically out of the store!!

what happened to my sweet little angel???? he's disappeared and this little independent monster has taken his place.

everything is changing. he now refuses to let me feed him (which i know is a good thing), but the thing is... most days he doesn't get the food to his mouth and winds up not getting much to eat, unless i help, but he's soo stubborn and independent that he wont let me... (but that has been changing somewhat!!). he has started to refuse to sit in his highchair, insisting on either sitting on my lap to eat or to eat in one of the other chairs or i put his plate on the chair and he'll eat while he's on the go.... from room to room, that is.

he calls me at least a 100 times a day, and if i'm doing something and don't go to him immediately, he'll scream it over and over until i'm right in front of him - sometimes not even stopping when that happens. it wore me out for the first couple of weeks. i found myself losing patience, not knowing what to do and he could sense it. the more i got frustrated, the more he'd do it. it was rough at first.... very rough.

we've both calmed down now... well, at least for the last couple of days. today and yesterday were the best days by far. i've realized that losing patience and getting upset does nothing for me.... nor him for that matter. i have finally let go of this internal need of mine to get it all done by the end of the day. i've realized it's impossible, especially when you're caring for a small child. yeah, yeah... why did it take me so long to figure this one out?? because i'm a perfectionist... wanting to clean the house, do the laundry and watch naief... thinking/believing that other mothers do it, so i should be able to as well. but i can't. so, i've let go of having the house perfect. spending more time w/ naief is the most important thing, and it pays off. he isn't as moody, is much calmer - which, in turn, creates more calmness in the house, and it makes me happy too. now... i'm hoping that i can maintain this imperfect house w/out beating myself up about it....

he's changing in some really sweet ways as well.... he has started noticing bugs now. hates them! just like his daddy. he will call me to where ever he is and point to the ant on the floor - so i kill it - and the other evening we were outside while daddy was watering and he actually did his little body in a shiver motion when he saw this big black bug... it was sooo cute. he yelled for me and screamed a little when he thought he'd actually have to walk by it. he saw some kind of bug today when we were doing laundry and refused to move. i'm so hoping that it's a phase and he doesn't have a lifelong fear of bugs! but hey... i hate some of them and we all know his daddy is terrified of bugs!! ;) so, he probably will. we also bought him this little, red convertible roadster car (plastic) that can be controlled by hashim. he loves it. we went out walking yesterday evening and he rode around in that thing for about an hour 1/2 - not wanting to come out when it was time.

but anyhoo... can NOT believe this hot weather. we were out yesterday and the temp dodad inside the car said it was 49 outside... what is that.... like 120 F??? it was terrible. i hate this hot weather.

George Carlin

Just found out on the Early Show that George Carlin died yesterday. I really loved this guy and am sad to hear that he's passed away. He said so many great things and was one of the funniest comics.... one thing he said that has always stayed w/ me is: "Pets are little tragedies waiting to happen"

I have 8 little tragedies waiting to happen.

This is just one thing that hit home w/ me... but there are many, many things that he said over his life time that could make anyone laugh.....

Rest in peace George Carlin.

date day

today, after i don't know how long, me and hashim had a date day. :) naief stayed w/ momma uuda (sp??) and played w/ his cousin while we went to lunch and then to a movie. i'm not a big going to the theatre person... hate sitting in the chairs for such a long time, hate listening to mobile phones ringing during the movie and even to the ppl who answer the calls, get annoyed at how loud some ppl eat... won't get up - unless i'm gonna go on myself - to run to the toilet unless i'm dying and then, if i have to, hate, hate, hate, trying to find my way in the dark while everyone else around me can see! anyway... even after all of that junk... we went to the movies and it was fabulous.

i so much needed some time off. needed to go out and have grown up talk, laugh and not worry about hurrying coz naief is getting too loud or can't sit still.... etc.

lunch was good and Indiana Jones didn't disappoint me. yeah, harrison is a tad older now, but he's in good shape and can still jump around and carry the show just like he did years ago. the movie wasn't as great as i had hoped it would be, but i still liked it.... or maybe it was just being there w/ my sweetie, holding hands and letting myself be carried away w/ the film. has anyone seen it? did you like it?

the one thing that bothered me is that when we got home, we headed over to the in-laws to pick up the little one and as soon as we walked in, i was shown his leg and told that that was there when we brought him to the house today. i'm not sure what it is, but it looks like a burn on the bottom part of his leg. it looks as though his leg was touched or he touched the rim of something and it burned him. it's red, inflamed and looks like it could get a blister in the middle part of it. it's not super big or anything, but it still bothers me. they all told us that ayesha said it was there when he came over and then asked me if he had been up against anything hot or if he did that at home. it hadn't and i knew something had happened, but no one was planning on spilling the beans.

i know that kids get into things. maybe that's what happened, i don't know. i have mixed emotions about it. i know he'll be fine, but i'm SURE it hurt and that he cried when it happened. he cries when an ant bites him, so i know that he cried w/ this... so someone had to know when it happened and what happened. i just don't like not being told or being told it was there when he came, which i know isn't the case. i looked at his leg this morning because he got an ant bite last night when we were out front... i would have seen it then and didn't.

it's not a bad place or anything, it's not that. i just don't like not knowing what happened and if his cousin did it or if one of the housemaids did it or something.

i'm getting to where i don't want my child in a room alone w/ these women. i trust one girl that works for my MIL. the other girl - i get a bad feeling about. i didn't talk about it here on the blog, but some weeks back, i saw a housemaid touch a little boy in an inappropriate way while changing his diaper. i said nothing to her at the time, but did tell his mother. not sure what happened with it, but it's stuff like this and then the thing that's on naief's leg that bothers me. as would anyone, i'm sure.

so... a day that started off really well, had a terrific middle and ended on a somewhat lower note... still left a good feeling in my heart.... so that's what counts, eh?

it's 10:32 pm... naief is asleep, hashim is playing splinter cell and i'm tired... and hoping i'll fall asleep soon. i got a herbal pill today that's supposed to be good for insomnia, and since i'm feeling drowsy.. it just might be working! :)

good night all

the only thing is....

been catching up on some blogs tonight and came across a good post by The Sudanese Thinker on Obama. After reading thru the thread of comments, I got to thinking about Obama... and you know, the one thing that bothers me about the guy is this....

I've noticed that in some of his speeches, he sounds like one of those down south Baptist preachers ... almost sounds like he's standing on the pulpit.. giving his sermon right then and there...

and I can't stand this. Maybe it's his way of getting thru to some voters... I don't know. Maybe it's his way of making ppl think of Martin L. King and the speeches he used to give... I don't know. I don't know what it is really, but it bothers me. Maybe because it makes me think of liars, ppl that'll say anything to get your money, ppl that'll say anything to get you over to their way of thinking - believing. Exactly the reason I can't stand organized religion.... well, that and a few other things! ;)

anyway... has anyone else noticed this about the guy? Don't get me wrong. I like him - believe in him - but this one little BITTY thing is bothering the hell outta me!

A First for America??

Will the U.S. see its first African American President this November?

I've talked to friends in the States, who are for Obama, but feel he doesn't stand a chance up against McCain. One friend said that she read some poll months ago saying that 70% of Americans didn't believe in evolution... therefore, how would/could these ppl vote for a black president.

If Clinton gets on the ticket w/ him... will this give him a better chance?? I think so.

I personally believe he stands a chance against McCain. I believe and always have that Americans are ready for a change. Even back in the beginning when so many were saying that he's too fresh and doesn't have the experience.. I still knew he was gonna win it. The Democratic nomination... that is.

Now he practically has... only a few more days until it's really official and then it's time to start the big race for the White House. McCain has already started attacking him... actually started that months back - for he knows that he has a tough race if he goes up against him - so... what does that say? Does it mean that McCain feels like he can't win? Does it mean that he's stupid and thinks that these attacks will actually have some affect on the voters? Does he really think that anyone gives a rat's *^@! about what he thinks?!!! :)

I know there are those that are die hard McCain backers.... no matter who's running, they'll vote Republican for THEY ARE REPUBLICAN. I used to work w/ a guy that was like this... always trying to change my mind and trying to talk me into becoming a Republican - in those days I was very much a Liberal or would vote for the person who I thought would turn the White House around... and even voted for Ross Perot (if you can believe it)... believing he could definitely change America - but many didn't have the same opinion as I and his light quickly fizzled...

but anyhoo... here we are again... it's VOTING TIME and the stakes are super high this time. It'll be a first for many reasons... a first IF Obama wins and a first if Hillary runs w/ him in that she'll be the first female Vice President. I think she'd make a great Vice President... so here's to hoping it'll work out this way.

I just hope that these crazy radicals don't come out in forces and try to assassinate him either while he's running or if he wins. There are some out there that are crazy, crazy racist in the States and I could see it.....

starting to walk

Our little boy is growing up! :) He has started to walk. He's been getting his legs for the last couple of days, and tonight at the corniche he walked for a good bit all by himself! It was the sweetest thing to watch. At one point, he started swinging his arms back and forth as if to say, "ok, what's next!" :)

Here's a pic of him in the car and one of him standing while we were out tonight. He was watching some guys play cricket while we were in the car. I've noticed that he really takes to watching anything that has a ball. He LOVES balls and seems mesmerized whenever he sees them when were out.

I'm loving how he's changing. He now gets excited about the little rides at the park, loves to look at helicopters in the sky and makes such serious faces when he hears them. He says a few words now - "this", "that" and "burr" for bird. Sometimes I think I hear him repeating words I say, but I'm not sure.

He has such emotion and has even started to tell me when something hurts him and points to where it is. Everything is a little emergency with him and if he does something, he calls to me so that he can show me what happened or what he did. It's the sweetest thing. and wouldn't ya know it... this little one loves to help momma clean! He'll grab any cloth or piece of clothing around him and start wiping down the floor, chair, cabinet... :)

He's also starting to get very independent and boisterous. I got a little bit of footage w/ my camera of him walking the other morning... i'll try to put it on tomorrow.

His auntie bought the little crocs he has on today while we were out. He loves them. One of my gf's told me that he'd love crocs, but I thought for sure he was too young for them. I guess not.

Before I was a Mom

Recd this from a friend of mine a few days back. It was for Mother's Day. Hope all of you new moms (even you wise moms) out there enjoy it... I did.

Before I was a Mom

I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,

the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

where i find myself

i find myself at a loss as to what to say to ppl sometimes. for instance... some friends came over to our place w/ their small children. we've recently put up an outdoor pool that has this big blown up ring around the top. well what do you know, but one of the kids took something and pierced the ring twice and now we have to repair it. this same child, for as sweet as he may seem, seems like a little demon seed when you get him off by himself and around our cats. he'd take anything and everything to throw at the cats anytime he'd see one of them. i tried, unsuccessfully, to talk to him and get him to stop, but he'd run away from me each time and only continue to throw things at them. he took several of naief's toys and threw them in to the pool, i realized two days later... one toy being a play phone that gave numbers, words and phrases in three languages, and this toy just happened to be one of naief's favorites - well, it went into the pool and is now ruined. ok, it's only a phone... yeah, i realize that, but it still really pisses me off. i've invited these ppl over to play in the pool, but hubby gave me strict instructions that they are to come no where near the pool again..... phew. i find myself only hoping it's not a phase that all boys go through... i really have not a clue. but i'll tell ya... what eerks me is that his parents were not a foot away from him during this evening and i don't understand why no one said a word about what he was doing except for me... and he didn't listen to a word from me!

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we went out two days ago and bought naief a cute little riding duck thingy. i don't really know how to explain it other than it has three wheels on it. one in the front to turn it from side to side and two in the back. it has a duck head, a bar that comes down to keep naief from falling off the seat, petals that he can't use yet and little things that come out upon which he can set his feet while i push him w/ the stick that comes up from that back. it also allows me to turn the head from side to side in order to steer the little thing. he loves it. it's his first toy like this and one upon which he wants to ride all the time.

yesterday we set out around the neighborhood and when we go past the in-laws, i hear his cousin in the yard playing, so i peek in and invite him to come along on one of his own similar riding toys. nothing would do him. as soon as he saw naief's riding toy, he threw a fit and insisted on having it. i told him "no, it's naief's" but it did no good. he continued to tell me that he wanted it w/ my telling him that he couldn't have it. he probably has 10 different riding toys, from tricycles to electric cars/jeeps. naief is way too small for any such thing, that's why we bought what we bought. now mind you, this wasn't really costly. we paid BD12 for it, which i find to be a pretty good price. altho, these types of things can be found at less expensive stores for BD5... but they're not the kind of things that stay together for long.

well... as soon as his mother saw the toy, she let his cousin come w/ us, but only w/ the reassurance that i'd allow her son to ride naief's toy at some point. ok, no problem, i thought. well, he pouted the entire way, constantly insisting to ride it. so, after about 10 or so minutes, we switched toys. naief got in his stroller and he got on naief's toy. what did he do? immediately try to tear it up. i was constantly telling him not to do this or that... thankfully he listens, or at least a little. so... today, being the one that wants negativity in my life, i suppose, took naief out for another walk. again stopping at said cousins to see if he might want to go. well, his mother bought him a riding toy... one that could be pushed from the back, like naief's. but... even w/ this toy, the boy wasn't satisfied. again insisting on naief's toy. i told him he couldn't have it, that he had many and naief only had one - this one.

anyway... again we walked around the neighborhood and again i let him get on naief's toy. when we returned to the in-law's house, i was told that MIL wanted to see naief's toy... so in we go.. we me wondering why anyone needed to see his riding toy. but... they did, so we did. i think the whole point behind this was to make sure that said cousin got to play w/ the riding toy... and going inside was one way to ensure this. as soon as we get inside, he started messing w/ the toy. i called hubby to inquire as to when we'd be eating and, thankfully, was reminded that i needed to get cat food. great excuse to leave and to take riding toy w/ us.

maybe all children are this way... wanting what they don't have. but i disagree w/ this thing based on the fact that a child shouldn't be given everything they want from the very beginning because they will want everything their eyes see, and if they don't get what they want, they'll throw a fit until their parents give in.... which is the case w/ the cousin. i just hope that i'm teaching naief differently than this... i really hope it sticks and he doesn't get like this as he gets older... but whose to say how it'll be. maybe i'll find myself in the same type of situation. only time will tell.

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naief is starting to test the waters w/ walking. over the last several days, he has started to walk from place to place slowly. he likes to hold onto my hands as he walks, and i see this as a good thing... as long as he's feeling his way and knows that it's safe to let go and walk on his own.

we finally got rid of this housemaid. two weeks ago matter of fact. i've been doing the duties at home and have really been enjoying it. i feel like i'm actually doing something and know that when something is cleaned, it's cleaned to the best of my ability. i take pride in the house being clean, and seeing that it's our home, i take pride in it's appearance, which makes a big difference, i think. it's also making me really tired... so sleeping has been tons better!! the other night i feel asleep at 9 in the evening! it felt good and i needed it.

the net is back up at our place.. so i've slowly been making my way around some of my favorite haunts.

i'll post some new pics of naief soon. he's grown so much.

good evening friends!

real quick post

Thought I'd post real quick since I'm at the in-laws and have a bit of time.

Just wanted to tell all you ppl here in Bahrain that if you haven't checked out the photo exhibition at Seef, you should. It's really great. Brought tears to my eyes many times over. There was one photo of a gorilla that had been killed and they were carrying his body outta the jungle. Did you guys know that there are only like 300 of these great creatures left in the jungle??? Apparently, they're being killed, execution style, and they're not sure why. That's not the only great photo, there were so many... have you seen them?

Naief is doing good. I've been wanting to post a picture, but just haven't had a lot of time as of late. We cut his hair... actually twice now. This past time, we cut it short. It's cute. Looks a lot blonder when it's short, and you know how I feel about that! ;) He's 15 mths now and isn't walking yet. I find myself worrying a bit about it, but am trying not to. He stands and takes steps... probably about 5 at a time, but wont walk any further than that. I asked him one morning if he wanted to walk and he shook his head "no".... and he hasn't. It's as if he knows I really want him to and just refuses to do it. I read that a child will wonder why a parent wants it so badly and feels that if they want it so badly there must be a reason not to do it... and I guess that's what he's doing. :) He's a smart little booger, that's for sure.

No talking either, except that he started calling me "mommy" yesterday and hasn't stopped. Matter of fact, it's non-stop. I like it. It's so sweet and melts my heart.

I've been reading, and blogged about it earlier, this book called A New Earth. I must say that it's really changing the way I do things, think (thank God) and helps me to stay present in the moment, which is the greatest gift of all, actually it's changing my life.... yes, I know that's a huge thing to say, but it's true. Before, I used to write a lot of poetry about my mind and thoughts... about not being able to control them and feeling outta of control because of it... never realizing that it was my ego controlling me.... now, I am gaining control of it and it has slowed down considerably. I still have days where I will get carried away in my mind and it takes a bit to come back to the present, but it's getting better. This book is absolutely incredible. All this time, all these years, I've been looking for that ever escaping "peace" in my life, only to realize that it will only come when I'm Present.... when I'm just Being. Hope that makes sense... because if any of you out there want to just "be"... want calm in your life, want your world to slow down, want your mind to be clear.... I suggest reading this book.

that's it for now... our internet is messed up at home and we have none right now.... I'm hoping that hubby will fix it tonight, and we have no TV either... so... soon, I hope to be back reading blogs and visiting again... but haven't I said that before!?? ;)

my insomnia

For as long as I remember, I haven't been able to sleep well. In my 20s, I chalked it up to being really busy at work, having too many things on my mind and overall stress. As the years go by, you'd think it would get better, especially when you have a small child that keeps you busy, but funny enough, it doesn't.

Once, a co-worker of mine, who was a Church of Christ member (ok, maybe that had nothing to do w/ it), told me it was because I didn't have a clear conscious. Maybe, but I've never thought I had bad thoughts or thoughts that would keep me from sleep. I guess she was partly pissed that I wouldn't convert to Church of Christ and didn't think I was holy enough for sleep and would use any opportunity to throw it in my face... who knows.

I've always envied those who can fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. Hashim is like this. Sometimes I find myself getting mad at him for it. Not that it's his fault... for I'd love to have a problem like his, I just wish he could see, feel or understand how or what I'm going through. Maybe he does understand, but unless you suffer from insomnia, I think it's hard to identify w/ a person who does.

I met a girl last night - she's the wife of one of my husband's high school buddies - and she suffers from insomnia. We talked about it and, come to find out, if you have thyroid problems, you can have insomnia issues. Another friend's mother told me that I might be having thyroid problems, but I've yet to have it checked out. One, because I'm not certain that the drs. could diagnose it or I don't have faith in their abilities and two, I find myself doubting that it's even an issue, and it's the first time I've heard of a bad thyroid causing a person not to sleep.

I find myself longing for sleeping meds.... anything to get a restful night's sleep, but the thing w/ sleeping aids is they usually give you that drowsy feeling in the morning and I sometimes think that feeling is worse than being tired from not sleeping.

The first time I was pregnant (before my miscarriage), I slept so well. It was heaven sent... I would curl up on the bed and sleep for hours. aaahhhhh, it was wonderful. With Naief, it wasn't the same. For some reason, I always thought that one side affect of being pregnant was sleeping a lot.... figures I wouldn't get that symptom when pregnant w/ him! ;)

I slept well while in California. Don't know if it was the weather or what, but I actually could take naps during the day and found myself sleeping thru the night on many a night.... so what happened!!!??? I'm back in Bahrain and I can't sleep.

I tend to think it's because our bedroom windows face the streets in our neighborhood, so you hear every tom, dick and harry coming and going. You can hear ppl talking on the streets, cars racing up and down the main road, ambulances going to the hospital.... and every cat fight in the neighborhood. Maybe it's time to invest in some sound proof glass .... or something.... cause I'm really tired.... and I'm really tired of not being able to sleep. Plus... when you're really tired and not sleeping, you tend to get hyper in a bad way... and rather moody in a bad way. :)

fun, fun, fun

where has the time gone???

It's been a while since posting.... time flies by so fast, putting off things becomes secondary nature. Not that I haven't thought about blogging, about my friends who blog, and wondered what everyone has been up to in the last few months... but life has a way of grabbing you, at times, and not letting go.

Naief started walking a little today. Both Hashim and I were thrilled. I've been waiting patiently... ok, not all the time, but trying to, and it was today that he decided to take those steps towards me and his daddy. It's thrilling to see your child walking for the first time! and it's sooo cute! He wobbles back and forth...trying to keep his balance, only to sit down when he's had enough or about to fall. Truly, it's the sweetest thing.

gosh... life is strange at times, you know. I picked up this book that I heard about on Oprah. It's called A New Earth. At first, after reading about 50 pages, I had to put it down. But after picking it up and really taking the ego out of it.... the book has become something that's hard to put down. Its good. Has anyone out there read this? And, if so, what do you think?

I went to a woman several Saturday's ago that did this energy type of healing on me. She does everything thru energy and places her hands on you, underneath you and whatnot. During the appointment, she spent most of her time on my legs and lower back. This procedure is actually called Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. Never heard of it before this. After the visit, I felt incredibly at peace. And before the consultation was over, when she had her hands and arms under my lower back, the only thing I could feel was my heart beating - thruout my whole body. It was peaceful. Makes a person long for that.....

My back actually stopped hurting for more than 2 wks. Come to find out, she's coming back at the end of May. I'd like to see her again.... Weird that my back doesn't hurt like before. Something worked and changed things....

Do you believe in energy fields??? Within the body?

How are all of you? I miss chatting... reading blogs.

run aways and the everdays....

Today while out driving along Budaiya Rd., I was about to go around one of the last roundabouts before Al Osra and who did my wondering eyes see??? Bali, the guy that ran away from my FILs employment! I'm not sure that he saw me... he looked in my direction and turned his head quickly, I thought, but I'm not for sure. I watched him and saw where he was headed.... for I've heard from the woman who works for us that his wife, the girl that worked for us, is working out there. We had been told that he was working in Gudabiaya (sp?), but now, after seeing him, I doubt that.

He was carrying a bag of what looked like groceries and a bundle of flowers. I'd bet they're working for expats, and was told that by our house woman. Me and hubby have decided to do a sting operation this coming Friday. I called him upon seeing Bali - even wanted to turn around and follow him - but was told not to do this. He'd more than likely run upon seeing me and who knows if I'd find out where he's at... and they could run again... so I didn't.

I figure he was coming out of the cold store there at the corner, so we've decided to go there on Friday, early... maybe around 11:15, since they always cook lunch close to noon, and, if we see him, will let him go into the cold store and then try to nab him. I'm sure if we got him, he'd more than likely give up on where he's living, that way we could potentially go and get his wife as well. I have no idea how the family will take it, but I think we have a legal right to get them and take them to the police.

While in California, I learned that Bali is suing my FIL for not giving him pay during the months after he ran away. I find this to be utterly ridiculous. Here he left, upon his own choosing, but expects my FIL to pay for all of those months. He also wants plane tickets to go back, which I know is our responsibility, but feel like we shouldn't have to do. I understand giving ppl rights, but how far does that have to go?

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Naief is growing so much. He's now on the verge of walking. He took four steps the other night towards me, but has yet to do it again. I think he could probably do it if he wanted, but I have a feeling that he's still a little scared at this point. He has 14 teeth now. His fang teeth are coming in and, without a doubt, these have been the worst. He ran a fever, had cold symptoms, and was in a lot of pain. Poor little guy, his upper molars and these fang teeth have all been coming in together... I try to imagine what it must feel like, but it's hard. I just know that I hate tooth pain and never hesitate to give him pain meds if he's crying and pulling at his mouth a lot.

He is now riding in his car seat without any big issues. He'll cry here in Bahrain for me to take him out, but while in California, he was a real trooper. I'm glad that we had that opportunity there because it's the thing that got him truly used to it. I think it also helped to get him used to eating in his high chair. He's not crying any longer and has started eating or rather trying to eat with a spoon. He's quite messy - altho he doesn't rub the food all over his face or in his hair (yet) - so I feel pretty lucky. He does like to fling it on the floor, but I read that once they start doing that that it's time to stop eating.

He has also found his screaming voice. He loves to scream in public. Not scream or cry, just yell demands. ;) His usual yelling words are Ma Ma, Ma Ma. We were at Geant the other day and he decided to start doing this while going thru aisles. It embarrasses me somewhat and I'm trying not to let it - always remembering that anyone with children will understand what's happening - but that doesn't stop the stares at times. If they look at me, I just smile. I also read that when they do this - which is usually a phase - to try and play the whisper game. I did this last night and it helped a little, but sometimes he just loves to be the center of attention with all and won't stop until he's had his fill.

We cut his hair a week back. It was filled with curls and most ppl thought he was a girl, so we decided it was time. Didn't cut it too short or leave it too long, just a nice in between. It's cute. Sometimes I put cream in it and do the whole messy hair thing on the top.... it's precious really. He doesn't like it though and will sometimes take his hand and pull at it or cry if I'm spending too long.

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Wilson, our cat, is getting along w/ all the cats. It's as though he never left. It took a bit for his sister, our black cat Petunia, to accept him. She'd hiss and growl at him and they may have even fought a little at first, but now she has allowed him back into her life. Maybe she was angry with him... but the other day in the kitchen she was bathing him and it was just so sweet. I'm giving the cats Bach drops in their water to help them all w/ this transition back into the home. I've used it in the past when taming feral cats and it always worked, so I hope that within a month or so, all the cats will be calmer because of his addition again into the family.

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We're house sitting this cat for a woman I know. I don't really know her per say, but she used to work for my MIL at the school. She doesn't have any children so this cat, Jack, is like her baby. He's a beautiful white, long haired cat, but he hasn't been neutered. She's been asking for me to let him in the house, but I can't do it. If he feels threatened whatsoever, the likelihood of him spraying our house is high, and I don't wanna smell cat urine all over the place. She's also asked me to have him fixed for her and that she'll pay me in two months, but I'm just really torn with this.

Apparently she's married to a Bahraini man who is fooling around w/ this Moroccan woman and they have 6 kids. He keeps this woman, that I'm cat sitting for, in a flat someplace, but from what I've heard, he didn't pay her rent and she got kicked out. So she's now living w/ friends and looking for a new flat. The last time she came and visited, she hinted on the fact that if she doesn't find another flat, she'll have to get rid of Jack. I know she wants us to take him... I think this is one reason she's pushing the neutering issue... but hubby has given a firm no to this, and I'd rather not add another cat into our furr family. We're keeping him in one of our bathrooms right now and he just cries and such when I feed him and spend time with him - wanting out when I leave - but I just can't let him out in the house. This, in and of itself, makes me want to get him fixed... but if I do it and she doesn't pay, that's another "why did you do that, you knew she wouldn't pay" or "now she wants us to keep the cat... what do we say"... and the possibility of "oh the poor kitty... what if he doesn't find a home" going thru my mind and pretty much beating myself up mentally... so what to do?!!

For now I'm having the house woman clean the bathroom and hubby feed him so that I don't get attached. It's way too easy for my heart to go out and for me to wind up doing what I don't want to do.... and I have to listen to my husband this time.... you know?!! and I don't want another cat really, if the fact be known. We have our hands full now... and if Porsche does wind up coming back... well... you know what I mean.

okay... I'll run... good day my friends.

a passing

The one thing that's hard to deal with, when you live far away from those you love, is death. Since living in Bahrain, I've missed the death of my uncle and the passing of my aunt, who died last night.

Isn't it sorta weird to think of it or say it as if you have missed the death... like I've missed out or something. This death marks the third in my mom's family. My mother is the oldest sister and it's very hard for her to see them passing away. They're all getting older, but I think it's probably hard when you're the oldest and the younger of your siblings are going first.

My mom didn't go to see her. She couldn't. She told me the other night that she'd rather remember her for the way she used to be, not like she was.... not knowing anyone around her, weighing only 61 lbs., her eyes having sunken into her skull, and as my cousin, her daughter, described it... she looked like a tiny werewolf.

When my mom told me this, all I could imagine was a tiny head with very short hair standing on end, pointed ears and fang teeth. My aunt didn't have fanged teeth... but I could imagine the rest of it.... and even dreamt of werewolves the night she told me this... the dream was so vivid and scary. I told Hashim the day after that it could be a movie, but after telling him what happened, he told me it was totally bizarre. Not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but anyway.

I called my mom about a week back and found out about my aunt. I knew she had been sick, falling a lot and this last time, my cousin took her to the doctor.... they were looking at putting her in a nursing home (which I so disagree with), but I had no idea it had gotten so bad - neither had my mom. After they took her to the dr. this last time, when she fell, it was determined that she had colon cancer. It was terribly advanced and she never knew. They had been treating other things all along and obviously never checked for this... even though she had symptoms. It's a shame and is probably the insurance company's fault, if I'm truthful.

When I found out, it made me so terribly sad. Aunt Patti was the sweetest woman and I have so many fond memories of her when I was a young girl. I used to spend weekends w/ her sometimes... or can at least remember this one particular time. She was a beauty in her younger days and on this particular day, she and I would lay out in the sun. I wasn't a sun worshiper, but I never said a word, after all she had invited me, out of all of my cousins, to sunbathe with her.... or it could have been that she was babysitting.... ;) I don't remember that part of it, but I like to think that it was my teenager charm!

Well, she looked great in her bikini, and I can remember getting up several times throughout our hours in the sun that day to spray her off w/ the hose. I remember enjoying that day. I can also remember being at her house during the holidays and how funky I remember her being w/ her silver tree. She was the first person I had ever seen w/ a silver tree. It was so lavishly decorated... her whole house was, matter of fact. I'd walk around for hours looking at all her collectibles, especially bells, and playing in my adult cousins' rooms upstairs.

She was married to man named Bob who had false teeth in the front and when he'd take them out, he looked like Dracula. He'd frighten me terribly when I was a young girl... chasing me around the house while I screamed and begged him to stop. I'd try to find the best hiding place, but he'd always find me and act as though he'd suck the life blood from me.... I was terrified of him and, thinking about it now, realize that I truly hated him... and wonder if he didn't do this to me for menace... but I'll never know. She divorced him and she and I never discussed it.

I can remember my aunt coming to our house and allowing me to cut her hair... however I chose. There were several times that I cut it to her scalp - in places - and she never said a word... only laughed when my mom would say something. I thought for sure I was the next big stylist/hair cutter, never realizing how bad it actually was, but she never said a bad word about it and would praise me even. :) I'm sure it was all because she'd get a half hour massage or longer afterwards and she always enjoyed those immensely. She was a teacher at a beauty school, so cutting hair was her thing. She was the first to give me my first real "do". I was in the 10th grade and she feathered my hair. OMG... I loved it... altho it took a few good days to accept it.

After that, she cut my hair for years. When I think back, she was a great hair stylist. After she got older, she had a hard time teaching. She fell behind in knowledge and ability, and eventually was let go. This is when she started going down hill. It's sad to think about how ppl let their jobs become their life and when it's gone, they stop living. I think not working truly affected her, and I think, now, that she was probably sick back then. She started to lose her memory and I seriously thought she had gotten Alzheimer's, but whose to say. Maybe the cancer had spread to her brain and that, like the colon cancer, wasn't detected by the doctors.

Anyway.... I could write a very long post about this, but I'll end it now. I will definitely remember her fondly, think about her often and hope that she's with her sister and brother in Heaven. I wonder if she knows that I'm thinking about her and I hope she can feel it, see it, and know it. I feel sad about the fact that I haven't seen her in six years and that this Christmas I got a card from her thanking me for the Christmas card that I sent to her... knowing I didn't send out cards this year and knowing it was last year that I mailed the cards.... and sad that it wasn't but a month ago that I got the card from Hashim in California and talked to my mom about how her handwriting looked liked that of a 80 + year old woman and how sad that was....

She was cremated, by her daughters, and her ashes will be scattered in Madison some place.... I pray that it's beautiful that day and butterflies are flying around her ashes.... I hope to see you again my dear Aunt Pat.

Life and what's in it....

Funny how I lay in bed now, in the early morning or early evening, watching the trees bend with the wind, listening to the windchimes that I brought from the States (thinking about California - coz my sister has so many of them and they sound so beautiful when the wind blows), and I realize that Bahrain is now my home. One day I know we may go back to the States, but it won't be any time soon... and this time it feels okay. Even when we landed in Bahrain and left the airport, I usually have this feeling of sadness when I look at so many girls covered in black, but this time, I didn't.

This time, strangely enough, as I was waiting for Hashim to hail a cab/find transportation, several different girls came up and talked to Naief, kissed him and said hello. It was a nice welcoming and made me feel different...

I've heard other expats say this about having children here, but not until now did I have the experience - and there is something about it... something that welcomes you.

While I was in California, I found myself feeling like it was a bittersweet stay. My mom was sick and in bed for most of the time - not every waking hour, but more than I'm used to, and it was difficult. Difficult in that I don't like seeing her ill, weak and getting older - but it's a fact of life. And she's become quite crabby in her old age. She gets mad easily and then pouts heavily if you hurt her feelings or make her mad and such. It's true when they say that older ppl tend to become like children again because I see her doing that at times. And sister... this isn't a blog for mother to read! nor to share... so if you're reading this, keep it to yourself please.

I don't argue w/ my mom any more. I just refuse to, no matter how mad she makes me or if she says something that bothers me... I just see her and can't. I see no reason in upsetting her, altho I know I do at times, but nowadays, I'd never do it intentionally. I tell my sister not to argue w/ her, but I think it's harder for one when they live w/ that person and see it and live w/ a variety of stresses daily, and it's easier for me to come in and say something or tell her to do this or do that because I'm not living with it... but when I see the two of them and if there's tension between them.. I think back to when I was younger and more argumentative w/ her and try to see my sister's point of view and such... but even then it's hard. So... that was bittersweet.

Then w/ my sister, she was busy w/ work and her life, friends, family and such.... and the days passed so quickly. So I found myself getting aggravated w/ her for not giving more time to our time there, but life has a funny way of pulling you away from things, doesn't it?!! I'm glad she stays busy and has such a social life... me, I'm much different. I guess in some ways I felt jealousy in that I wished I was more like her at times. She'll die when she reads this... but it's true.

anyway... all in all, I'm doing better than I was before I left Bahrain and I'm happy for that. Hubby is telling me to come - he's ready to go home... so I'll wrap this post up here... just wanted to let you guys know how I'm doing... my emotions are better... :)

back and rested

We've been back for a couple of weeks now and finally starting to feel like I'm back in the game. Feel rested and happy... which is always a good thing.

Traveling w/ Naief went well - a lot better than I expected. Had heard a lot of horror stories about traveling w/ children, but didn't experience any of that w/ him. The only probs we had were when we spent the night in London. He couldn't fall asleep for anything and cried most of the night away, but slept well on the flight, so it all worked out okay. Getting him back on the time here was a bit difficult, but he's finally settled in and all is well.

The one big issue when we got home was that the woman we have working for us didn't pay attention to the cats and one of my favorite kitties got out and is gone. I was heart broken for days. When I told her, she blamed Hashim's friend who had been house sitting for us. I don't know who did it, but I think it was probably her, since she's very absent-minded and doesn't pay attention to much that's going on around her. I've been calling Porsche and looking out for her, but still nothing. She was such a sweet girl and I wonder if she's still alive.... because.....

I guess about five months ago, our cat, Wilson, got out thru an open window that the woman left open and didn't come back. I called out to him and nothing. I think I may have even blogged about it... because I think the day he got out, I heard the wild dogs that night and thought that maybe he had been killed and figured I'd never see him again.

Well... the night we came home from the airport, I saw a cat that looked just like Wilson cross the street in front of me and, at that time, I thought it might be Wilson, but then figured it was the outside cat that I take care of that looks just like Wilson, but is called Tigger. Once we got inside the house, I realized that Tigger was inside our house! so it couldn't have been him... but I let go of it and didn't think about it again until a few nights ago.

I was standing at our bedroom window and saw a cat - looking just like Wilson - run up a tree when the neighbors came out of their house. After they left, I called his name and he turned around and looked at me. It was then that I saw the white rings around his eyes and knew it was Wilson. I called his name again and heard him cry back to me... and to hear Wilson cry, well, there is no mistaking him for another because it's such a pathetic little cry! :)

I told Hashim that it was Wilson and went down to the street and over to the neighbors immediately. I walked the front of their house calling to him, but nothing. Then... as I was turning the corner, Hashim said, "look there", and low and behold, it was him crouched down in the middle of the street. I said his name again and he cried and came over to me. I slowly bent down and stroked him... thinking that maybe he'd run since it had been sooooo long... but he didn't. He cried and cried, so I picked him up.

Now... he's back in our cat family and everything is the same as it was before... altho he's much thinner now. It took a day of keeping him in another room for him to calm down a bit, and after letting him out w/ the rest of the cats and fearing that there would be some major cat fights, I'm happy to report that there were none and they've welcomed him home.

It's weird because I didn't take Wilson as a survivor. He was shy and a wimp. I would have never thought he would have been able to go up against the wild cats outside, let alone survive on the streets w/ cars.... something he wasn't used to. But he did!! He has a few scars on his ears, is super thin, but I'm really thrilled to have him home.

This fact helps me to have hope for Porsche. I hope that I see her again and that she makes her way back to our neighborhood and home.

other than this.... the house was a complete and utter mess when we came home. I don't think she had cleaned for weeks - or it smelled that way. She's been cleaning like a mad woman since we came home and since hubby threatened w/ sending her back.... I hope it stays this way.

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And for missing my family... I do, but I know it won't be long before I see them again. I'm hoping that my sister and mom come for a visit this year of next.... they say they will, but I've heard that before! ;)

I had such a good time in California. I love being there. I love the ocean, the trees, the mountains, the fresh air, the clouds, the rain (altho it rained too much for my blood this time), and I love being around my mom and sister. Naief had such a good time with Katelyn and I miss that every time I look at a picture, but the next time he'll be bigger and will be able to play more, which will make her happier because she won't have to fear that he'll tear up her toys! ;) Even though he didn't break one thing!

anyway... we're going to the Spring Culture event tonight and I'm so looking forward to it. We're taking my husband's mother for her birthday and I hope she likes it as much as I'm sure I will.

Good day all....

birthday pics

Finally getting around to posting some pics from Naief''s bday party. We had a jumpy house that all the kids loved, balloons out front to identify the house ;) and loads of cake. Think we might have a few pieces left in case any of you want some... I could express it to you :)

All in all I think he had a nice birthday party and one that we'll always remember.

We went to Laguna Beach this past Monday. It was fantastic. The weather was incredible and there were tons of ppl out enjoying the sun. Naief was so good. We stayed for three hours - yes, w/ plenty of sunscreen - while Katelyn played in the water and looked for shells, and Naief stood in the water for a few waves and laughed every time the water would come up to his legs... it was so adorable.

He was exhausted by the time we got home - all of us were actually.

We're thinking of going to Hollywood tomorrow and going to the big aquariam in Orange County this weekend. I think Naief will have a wonderful time... especially seeing that he loves fish...

happy day and smiles to you!

miss thang is returning

oh lordy, today's the day... my sister, the mean puss, returns. it's been so quiet here in the house w/out her here. quiet in a good way, i might add! ;) i've not had chores for several days and i'm sorta getting used to it! altho, with the withdrawals i've been having from not hearing her bark orders at me every morning... i couldn't help but get up and clean the house! :) so... maybe i do have a bit of sympathy inside for her... but not much!! hehehehe

she's been gone since thursday for a class in houston and comes home tonight around 8 pm. she now has the crap/cold/flu we've been passing around in the house since early december (and i'm finally well, thank goodness), and you'd think from the way she's acting that she's dying. makes me laugh really. yeah, yeah... how mean of me... i know. but i can't help it. i was so sick for weeks and she didn't have any sympathy for me or if she did she didn't show it.

she called yesterday whining and carrying on and this morning she called to tell us how she couldn't make it to her class because of how sick she is, and that her suitcase broke so she was out shopping for a new one... shopping and sickness - do they go hand in hand??!! i can only imagine tomorrow. we're all gearing up for it. she'll probably be in bed all day yelling for us to come to her to bring her water, food and whatnot. ;) and when she gets up... watch out!

poor thang... i know how she feels, but dear sister... i also know how you left me here and went to your friend's house when i was sick as a dog and didn't even offer to babysit for me!!! so... get ready, for tomorrow you have tons of cleaning to do and me and the hubby are going out and you'll be watching the baby! ;)

get well soon!!!! :) :)

As of late...

Most of the good birthday pics are on my sis' camera, so before getting them off of there, thought I'd share a couple of cute pics of Naief eating his bday cake at his party and one cute one of him and Katelyn outside prior to the party, and I'll also throw in a couple others just for good measure.

This last one here is of the mountains just a few days back. It's been snowing a lot up there and since the sky was so clear, just couldn't help getting a pic of it. We're thinking of driving up to Big Bear for a day. My sis is leaving tomorrow a.m. for Houston to take some course for 3 days, so it'll be quiet around here.... so what better time to hop in the car and take a drive... especially one that'll be so scenic!

I'll post some pics of the party soon.... we had a good time. I'm happy to say that Naief didn't cry, wasn't afraid of the ppl or kids and seemed to thoroughly enjoy the pizza, chips & dips, and homemade chili from his pappa. I'm tellin' ya, this kid eats everything!! And surprisingly, he wasn't all strung out from the sugar overload like I thought he'd be... he took a big nap not long after these pics.... could hardly believe it! :)

phew, can you believe it!!! :)

I hardly can... it's been ONE FULL YEAR TODAY....

wow, how time flies when a baby is growing!

Happy Birthday little boy....

a fabulous read

My sister introduced me to this book when I got to Calif. It's only been in the last 3 days that I've picked it up. Now, I can't put it down. Stayed up until 2 a.m. last night reading this darn thing and woke up at 6 thinking about it. Actually, I couldn't fall back to sleep because my mind kept going over everything that had happened.

Then I started thinking about hubby leaving and the fact that he'll be here tomorrow.... so sleep, I knew, would not come back to me.

This book pulls on my heart strings. I found myself crying at several points last night... when Amir's father died, when his best friend from childhood, Hassan, and Hassan's wife had been shot by the Taliban in Afghanistan. This was all after learning that Hassan had been his brother which only made the shame in his heart all the heavier because of what he had done to Hassan and his father,
Ali, years ago.

Then to find out that Hassan had a son and Amir is given the task of returning to war torn Afghanistan to find him.... but... is he a strong enough man to do this?

This is where I am at the moment. I can hardly wait to get back to it, but there are so many things to do today, so I guess it'll be another late night for me tonight. :) And really, I can't wait. I love books like this.... the ones that capture me immediately, hold on and don't let go until the bitter end.

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Naief's bday party is this Saturday. Hashim gets in tomorrow at 1 - I can hardly wait. We found out last night that more ppl are coming than first expected so I called the bakery this morning and changed the cake order. Have to run to the Dollar Tree shortly to pick up more decorations, plates, napkins, table cloths, toys for two addt'l bags for the addt'l kids, and I should be ready.

Me and my sis will make the menu tonight... what to make, what to make. I think we're doing pizza and some fabulous chicken from some mexican place, and then lots of dips and finger foods, beer, sodas and maybe a few games. I'm also thinking or will prob get one of those big bouncy tent things for the kids.... I just hope it doesn't rain.

The rain seems to linger and linger. I love the rain, but I'm truly sick of it. I want it to warm up, get sunny and allow us some time to enjoy some sight seeing and maybe even go to the ocean w/ Naief. Not to swim mind you, but just to walk, play in the water - maybe a little - and relax.

Hashim has been so busy at work and then spending all his other hours in the studio. He's totally ready for a relaxing vacation... and I'm so ready for him to be here. I hope the baby recognizes him .... but I'm sure if he doesn't, it won't take any time for him to realize who it is.

aaahhhhh... this is my first bday party to throw. I'm anxious. I'm not a big "life of the party" type of person, so I opted out of opening the presents in front of everyone and we'll wait for Naief's bday to do so. I just hope I'm calm on Saturday and able to relax and enjoy his first birthday party.