Wednesday, May 14, 2008

where i find myself

i find myself at a loss as to what to say to ppl sometimes. for instance... some friends came over to our place w/ their small children. we've recently put up an outdoor pool that has this big blown up ring around the top. well what do you know, but one of the kids took something and pierced the ring twice and now we have to repair it. this same child, for as sweet as he may seem, seems like a little demon seed when you get him off by himself and around our cats. he'd take anything and everything to throw at the cats anytime he'd see one of them. i tried, unsuccessfully, to talk to him and get him to stop, but he'd run away from me each time and only continue to throw things at them. he took several of naief's toys and threw them in to the pool, i realized two days later... one toy being a play phone that gave numbers, words and phrases in three languages, and this toy just happened to be one of naief's favorites - well, it went into the pool and is now ruined. ok, it's only a phone... yeah, i realize that, but it still really pisses me off. i've invited these ppl over to play in the pool, but hubby gave me strict instructions that they are to come no where near the pool again..... phew. i find myself only hoping it's not a phase that all boys go through... i really have not a clue. but i'll tell ya... what eerks me is that his parents were not a foot away from him during this evening and i don't understand why no one said a word about what he was doing except for me... and he didn't listen to a word from me!


we went out two days ago and bought naief a cute little riding duck thingy. i don't really know how to explain it other than it has three wheels on it. one in the front to turn it from side to side and two in the back. it has a duck head, a bar that comes down to keep naief from falling off the seat, petals that he can't use yet and little things that come out upon which he can set his feet while i push him w/ the stick that comes up from that back. it also allows me to turn the head from side to side in order to steer the little thing. he loves it. it's his first toy like this and one upon which he wants to ride all the time.

yesterday we set out around the neighborhood and when we go past the in-laws, i hear his cousin in the yard playing, so i peek in and invite him to come along on one of his own similar riding toys. nothing would do him. as soon as he saw naief's riding toy, he threw a fit and insisted on having it. i told him "no, it's naief's" but it did no good. he continued to tell me that he wanted it w/ my telling him that he couldn't have it. he probably has 10 different riding toys, from tricycles to electric cars/jeeps. naief is way too small for any such thing, that's why we bought what we bought. now mind you, this wasn't really costly. we paid BD12 for it, which i find to be a pretty good price. altho, these types of things can be found at less expensive stores for BD5... but they're not the kind of things that stay together for long.

well... as soon as his mother saw the toy, she let his cousin come w/ us, but only w/ the reassurance that i'd allow her son to ride naief's toy at some point. ok, no problem, i thought. well, he pouted the entire way, constantly insisting to ride it. so, after about 10 or so minutes, we switched toys. naief got in his stroller and he got on naief's toy. what did he do? immediately try to tear it up. i was constantly telling him not to do this or that... thankfully he listens, or at least a little. so... today, being the one that wants negativity in my life, i suppose, took naief out for another walk. again stopping at said cousins to see if he might want to go. well, his mother bought him a riding toy... one that could be pushed from the back, like naief's. but... even w/ this toy, the boy wasn't satisfied. again insisting on naief's toy. i told him he couldn't have it, that he had many and naief only had one - this one.

anyway... again we walked around the neighborhood and again i let him get on naief's toy. when we returned to the in-law's house, i was told that MIL wanted to see naief's toy... so in we go.. we me wondering why anyone needed to see his riding toy. but... they did, so we did. i think the whole point behind this was to make sure that said cousin got to play w/ the riding toy... and going inside was one way to ensure this. as soon as we get inside, he started messing w/ the toy. i called hubby to inquire as to when we'd be eating and, thankfully, was reminded that i needed to get cat food. great excuse to leave and to take riding toy w/ us.

maybe all children are this way... wanting what they don't have. but i disagree w/ this thing based on the fact that a child shouldn't be given everything they want from the very beginning because they will want everything their eyes see, and if they don't get what they want, they'll throw a fit until their parents give in.... which is the case w/ the cousin. i just hope that i'm teaching naief differently than this... i really hope it sticks and he doesn't get like this as he gets older... but whose to say how it'll be. maybe i'll find myself in the same type of situation. only time will tell.


naief is starting to test the waters w/ walking. over the last several days, he has started to walk from place to place slowly. he likes to hold onto my hands as he walks, and i see this as a good thing... as long as he's feeling his way and knows that it's safe to let go and walk on his own.

we finally got rid of this housemaid. two weeks ago matter of fact. i've been doing the duties at home and have really been enjoying it. i feel like i'm actually doing something and know that when something is cleaned, it's cleaned to the best of my ability. i take pride in the house being clean, and seeing that it's our home, i take pride in it's appearance, which makes a big difference, i think. it's also making me really tired... so sleeping has been tons better!! the other night i feel asleep at 9 in the evening! it felt good and i needed it.

the net is back up at our place.. so i've slowly been making my way around some of my favorite haunts.

i'll post some new pics of naief soon. he's grown so much.

good evening friends!


Peceli and Wendy's Blog said...

There's a lot to learn in being a new mum and how other young mums deal (often badly) with their little darlings. It's awkward because some kids are really spoilt and selfish and won't share and want what another kid has. Good luck with your parenting and your relationships with other parents. It's hard work at times, very annoying, but you stick at what you believe to be right.

Jahooni said...

you are just mean and your posts are too long... rude.
i came here and i read... happy now? ;)~

Rock Chef said...

Kids don't have to be that horrible - mine aren't! From a very early age they need to be taught that they can't have everything, and being a pain in the ass is certainly no way of getting ANYTHING! We have fallen out with countless parents over this sort of thing. Good luck!

The Moody Minstrel said...

Are some kids just born evil?

Giving in to a bratty child is a BIG that will only escalate.

Olivia said...

Ha! Oh no, not the housemaids again!

Anyway, I'm so glad to hear you're sleeping well. Also that you're feeling "houseproud" again. That satisfaction muust give you lots of inner peace.


As for the young cousin. So often I hear things about toddlers that cause me to disagree with Maria Montessori more and more. She's the one who said that children are innately good. And yet I've watched, child after child, infants who can't even crawl yet, lying on a mat pulling each other's hair, gouging each other's eyes out, stealing each other's bottles or binkies, slapping, scratching, and generally making each other scream - just plain old bullying. When my cousin was two, he actually did remove his aunt's puppy's eye from the socket and the vet had to reinsert it. (The poor pup had a crooked eye for the rest of his life.) It's apparent that children really DO need to be taught right from wrong. So rather than what Montessori said, I prefer to describe them as "innocent".

L_Oman said...

I know where you are coming from, UmmNaief. Not to pick on kids from over here (I'm married to a local, so I know!), but they sort of destroy everything and the reply from the parents is either, a) he/she's small! b) oh, he/she didn't do that! c) nothing. In your case with the pool, it's not like you can deflate the dang thing and put it away when people are over, so I'd be pretty ticked myself but, like you, would say nothing probably. So many of my nice things in my house have been broken by kids here and the in-laws just laugh openly about it.

The other day my s-i-l made a comment about her 11 month old baby and how one day he'll grow up to be a terror. I replied, "Oh, don't say that - you have to work with him and teach him!" You would have thought I slapped her in the face.

By no means are my kids perfect, but gosh - they at least know what's right from wrong.

Um Naief said...

i agree w/ you guys. i think you have to teach children right from wrong. i've felt this way all along, but as i say here, i've found myself very recently worrying that maybe it doesn't matter because even w/ my friends, who i thought were good parents and probably are or try to be, i was shocked at what their children were doing. naief has started hitting me in the face, but i don't think it's a mean thing, but each time he does it, i immediately tell him not to hit mommy and that he isn't to hit. i've noticed him picking up things and hitting, and this is the last thing i want him to do. i worry, at times, he'll get bad habits from his cousin.... and will act out in frustration over something. i just hope i can correct him so that he wont continue to do this.

olivia, your story about the dog makes me think of my nephew the other day. my FIL bought some ducks and brought them in... he was hell bent on hurting one of them. i told him over and over not to do push on them, but he refused to listen and kept doing it. even my MIL told him and he did nothing but continue to try. if he did, they will more than likely use the excuse that he's a baby, which i don't consider a 3 yr old a baby... i just want any of this to rub off on naief!!

moody, i think some kids are abused as kids and that's what creates this anger inside of them. maybe some kids have genes that cause it... but it's hard for me to imagine it. do you think some kids are born evil? and i agree.. i will NOT give into a bratty child. but... it's hard when it's a friend. it makes me cringe w/ the thought of the parent getting upset w/ me over telling their child or physically removing their child from the house or such, but what do you do???!! would i prefer that he injur a cat of ours or do i remove him from the house?!

rock chef, i agree, i don't think kids have to be horrible. much is the parents' fault for allowing it! consistency is key!!

wendy, yes indeed... every day i find myself learning new things and i find that i have to stay incredibly present and in the moment. naief likes to test me and he'll do the same things over and over... many times to see what i'll say.. or it's how i feel. today my husband laughed over something he did and something of which i tell him "no"... i cringed! parenting isn't easy by any means.

jahooni, i wasn't being rude, just honest. if you think the posts are too long, then don't read them. you'd think that since i'm across the world and you don't email or talk to me, that you might be somewhat interested... but i suppose not.

l_oman, welcome... not sure if i've seen you here or not before, but either way, thanks for your comment. i agree w/ you and see exactly what you say most weeks. i find that i have to be extra strong w/ my parenting so that naief doesn't take after his one cousin... it's difficult. makes me not want to allow him to be around him, but how can i do that?!! i just wish his mother was more involved.

Lulwa said...

First of all, I'm glad your sleep has improved. I know how it feels to be satisfied with the cleanliness of your house because you know it's all your effort, rather than someone else's.
Secondly, I'd hate to sound mean, but these types of kids are the kids that I would love to smack. I personally think it all boils down to the way thier parents raise them. I was never allowed to stomp by feet, scream, cry, or pout for anything I see because my mother, bless her, would give me the scariest look ever. So, I got used to not having anything I wanted AND appreciate my things more. In addition, i would never treat the other kids' toys with disrespect, let alone even dream of wrecking it.
It all boils down to you and how you handle Naief's tantrums if ever he behaves in a way like the kids you described. He may behave that way, but your reaction towards it will determine everything onwards.

Another thing I don't get, which happens alot with nephews and nieces, is the fact that they sit there clearly not allowed to touch certain things and thier mothers won't even bother to say a word! What the hell?!! I have tried time and time again to figure out the logic behind that, but never succeeded. It makes my blood boil!

I really don't want to sound mean, and I'm sorry if I did. It's just parents and kids today are both behaving in a such a way that leaves me angry and surprised beyond belief.

Um Naief said...

lulwa, i agree w/ you girl! i find myself in disbelief many a day when it comes to the way some children are being raised. and... you know something, i have been scolded - some what - when i discipline my own child in front of some ... usually being told that he's just a baby and doesn't understand, which i totally disagree with on the very fact that i know naief understands me.

i hope to be like your mother and my own one day. i was also given looks by my mom when i was small and that very look would stop me dead in my tracks. i too didn't get most things and wasn't allowed to beg, cry, throw tantrums and such for anything. at the time i hated it, but looking back now, i think my mom did a good thing. i only hope to raise naief the same way... and from now i am doing this or trying to. i'm very stern w/ him when needed and only have to say, "hey, hey" if he's misbehaving... and it only takes daddy talking in arabic to him for him to calm down! :)

and, yes, he has started throwing tantrums. not major ones but little crying ones when he doesn't get his way. but i let him cry. i don't believe in giving the child something else to satisfy his need for something. i believe that naief has to learn that he can't have everything.

i find myself very frustrated at times w/ the parenting skills of some, but the one good thing is that i now get up and leave if it doesn't improve whereas before i would stay and suffer thru it. i feel better about that, at least. i only wish i had the guts to say something before our pool thing was popped or that i would have seen it... but live and learn.