Friday, November 06, 2009

a tad of this life

I'm bored today.... stiff, really. We took Naief to emergency last night w/ fever, cough, runny nose and whatnot, and first thing they wanted to do was send him to Salminiya to get H1N1 vaccine... which I quickly refused. Instead I got antibiotics and the other necessary drugs to help fight off this cold. They're not even doing tests for swine flu now... immediately send you for the injection if you have any of those above symptoms. How incredibly crazy is that???? So, he's sleeping... has a small, elevated temp, but all in all, is ok. We've been watching Polar Express most of the day..... and if his fever is down, might take him out to get some art supplies for painting... thought it might be fun to make flowers out of paper plates and then plant them in our outside garden. Need more paint though and a plastic thing for the table and we're set.

Hashim left last night for Belgium. Will be gone until Tuesday.... and since today is Friday, family lunch, how did I know that no food would be sent over here. How can I expect it or even think it might happen especially seeing that I royally pissed off the queen of all queen bees..... MIL. She rules that family.... have known it from the very beginning... all the lies.... all the things I was told that weren't the truth... but for the sake of my husband and to hopelessly want them to accept me, I never said a word. Just let things run their course... bitched a lot to friends and my husband (which isn't really the greatest thing to do).... but when you have so much anger... and pain... it happens.

Somebody, think Queen, remarked on my blog comments about the school that was supposed to be started up...... all I can do is laugh about this. Have to. I knew pretty quickly where things were headed. I was told... or rather my husband... one thing and when it came down to actually doing it, it wasn't going to be my way at all. They chose the designs, told me how it would be decorated, laid out, what to buy or not to buy - not giving the necessary money like promised to buy all the essentials - which I knew would happen. And it's not cheap to go out and buy stuff to start a nursery. It was obvious to me that it would be the same as what had been happening before w/ maybe a few minor changes... THE BIGGEST.... an AMERICAN teaching. and... for anyone who has read my blog or knows me... there is a reason behind this... but I wont get into it now.

Also, I was told I could hire however many ppl I wanted, which also turned out to be a lie. I was almost forced to hire to Bahraini's from her school and one couldn't even speak English!!!!! She had been the person to change diapers at her nursery... I flat out refused. Then was told to hire another woman that I didn't want to work with.... again refusing. So I sat out to post my own ads, which had to be okayed by her, needless to say, and the interviews began... in front of her at first, until I put a stop to that. But that didn't stop her from being involved and asking questions and okaying everything w/ my FIL. WHY HE WAS IN THE PICTURE.... I don't know.

Then... when it came down to buying books, materials, furniture.... play things, all the things YOU HAVE TO HAVE for a nursery, it wasn't happening. Hashim and I went to the BSPCA sale they were having and picked up many books, and purchased a bunch of cute pillows (that we took back), but as far as getting anything else that would be beneficial for having a nursery for 2 to 4 yr olds..... it just wasn't happening. And we didn't have tons of money to go out and buy all of this stuff... so I was told to wait. To open the nursery w/out anything... just a few books, which she showed me what she had, and put all the stuffed animals she had at her school (which were filthy) and the broken toys they had in many rooms in the nursery... and I refused.

There is soooooooooooooooooo much stuff.... it makes my head spin to sit and think about it.... and then.... my SIL started getting involved. Telling me who I was going to hire, making the rules - what hours it would operate - who would stay there, who would open the school, my refusal to allow sick children at the school (which they about had a heart attack over).... just everything really....

I told my husband that I couldn't do it. That I wouldn't do it. So he told his mother... who asked if this was my decision or his decision.... and knowing what we know about what you have to do in these parts ... he told her that it was his decision.

NOW..... after all of that... even being told to cut my vacation short so I could come here and start this school (this was all before I decided not to do it)..... they are selling the lease to the school and to that nursery!!!!!!!!!!!! Something I think was going to be done all along, but was being hidden or just not told to us. Here.... we would have bought all that stuff.... with no matter to her, obviously.... because after all, she was selling it. No wonder she didn't want or refused to give money to buy the necessary items when we were told it would be the case.

I was told by my husband that his mother thinks I should work for the new ppl.... NO THANK YOU. I do not want to work in a nursery.... or a school.... or teach. I have decided this. I'd like to do something along the lines of this Kindermusik... which I've looked in to, but I do not and will not try to teach again... and WILL NEVER GO INTO ANY BUSINESS WITH the in-laws.

This... may be boring for some of you... but I swear.. I think it could be a sitcom.... a successful one to boot. This is just a taste of what has happened recently.... two wks ago another situation happened.... this one bigger.... so... anyone interested in something like this... maybe we could make a go at it. Look at how big Raymond was.... but you know, the sad thing about all of this is... so many of my friends who are married to Bahrainis get the same stuff.... if not more. It's sad.

But... hey... I feel better for writing it here..... if I could get my dang blogger to go back into English, I'd start a new blog.... so I'm working on this.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

A New Day

Naief started school today. He didn't cry, hang on to my leg, scream... or anything, but momma cried inside myself all the way to the car.... and found myself breaking down a few times while driving home. It's so rough letting go and seeing them at this stage.... even though it's only 3 days a week, still.... it's hard.

I have been in a real, true funk lately. I need to do something with myself... big time. Have looked and am looking for possible jobs, but need something part-time while Naief is in school. Don't truly think this is what's causing my funk, just adding to it a bit.

Hashim's been working a lot in the studio.... so much on his plate that it gives little time to much else. I know to be successful, to build a business and a career for oneself, that this is needed, but I feel lonely a lot. Even going out, doing things, swimming, playing and hanging out w/ friends.... still... the loneliness begs me to obey. And me... being me.... I do.

Have so much to do today... a 4 o'clock appt w/ my therapist, whom I haven't seen in a long time..... I need to find out what's going on with my inner being... that and so much that you might have to whisper the secrets to everyone around you if I told it out loud! ;) I love going for I always feel so much better afterwards... so I'm hoping, really hoping that this time is the same.

There's so much going on w/ me.... so many times I've wanted to write and tell you all about things, but, to be truthful, I don't trust anyone in this country to not tell someone I know who will then tell my in-laws who will then try to make trouble for me and for anything I might say that will bring shame or pissed off attitudes in my and my family's direction. This is hard to explain and probably the reason I've seriously been thinking of starting a new "secret" blog w/ my address being from the States, to afford me some type of ghost writer status.... so cliche, yes.... but, it's maddening, honestly. I've NEVER been one for being watched, can't stand and I mean seriously loathe liars, trouble makers, these evil eye doers.... and since coming back from the States, I've lost all ability to be able to stand to be around such ppl.... which can only lead one to imagine all of whom I'm speaking about at the moment.

Even friends that I had met, done play things w/ for the kids.... but really didn't like the mother or the child for that matter... I've cut the contact. Use to I'd continue w/ the stupid facade... but why create such headache ????? Plus, one little thing that rattles me to the core is any child being mean to my little man.... if I see that, I swear... my claws want to snatch a piece outta somebody.... so it's better to let go.

Again, I have to say, there's so much I need/want/desire to write about, since I feel that I fill this blog w/ mostly nonsense nowadays.... I long to write.... to get it out..... lie in bed at night thinking about it even.... but then, get up, start a new day, and don't.

I will say this... about a week ago, I saw this guy's name on a friend's FB page (he had left a comment) and this was a guy who had caused me heartache, embarrassment, humiliation... you name it, he did it, while I was in junior high. So... I left a comment under his and asked if this was the same person, and, sure enough, it was. He didn't know who I was w/ my last name being my husband's, so I told him, and then proceeded to tell him how much it had hurt me back in school and asked if he was still a trouble maker in his life today (actually, I asked if he was still a trouble maker first, which he denied)...... and what did he do about it all? Denied it. Told me that I must have been talking about the wrong person..... imagine. You carry these things with you, when they're traumatic enough, all your life (or I have at varying degrees at various stages) and when you finally have the chance/courage to say, "hey.... why did you do so and so".... and they say they didn't... well, as my friend Val says, he knows he did it and he knows he was the only DV in that school.

Makes me feel like Josie Gellar in that movie Never Been Kissed when all the really popular kids did such mean things to the others, including her..... and, for once, I stood up and said something.... but God only knows if it made any difference. Don't know many leopards that change their spots.