Saturday, June 20, 2009

getting through it

The last few days have been pretty emotional, to say the least. Putting Henry to sleep was the best thing to do... for he could hardly walk, wasn't coming upstairs the last day 1/2, wasn't eating and we couldn't watch him in pain or suffering.... but doing it is so very hard. I miss him terribly. I think about him all the time... every time I turn around, I am reminded of him. I see him from the corner of my eye or see one of the cats and think it's him... so I feel sadness many, many times throughout the days.

Not only that, but Naief asks about him probably 10 times a day. Day before yesterday, he cried once and put his head on my shoulder at another point... he's too young to understand, but he knows something isn't right. I tell him that Henry has gone to heaven, then he'll ask if he's sick and show me how he was throwing up. I tell him yes, Henry was sick, but he's better now... and in heaven.

We're thinking of getting another dog or two... but after we come back from the States. Went to the BSPCA yesterday and gave them all the food, flea/tick medicine, treats and such, and while there I told them that it would have been nice if someone had said something/anything to us when we adopted him. We could have possibly saved his life if we had known earlier... not sure, because the parasites could have already been wrecking havoc inside his body... I don't know... but, at least we could have tried some 7 months ago, instead of just two months ago.

While there, a woman asked me what dog we adopted. I told her Henry. She remembered him and started talking about what a good dog he was... I started crying... and left.

Really, I can't think about it right now. I'm so sad still..... he was such a good dog. So kind. Really was so different when we first got him, versus these past couple of months. He loved to play w/ us outside. Running when we'd try to get his tail and he loved baths. He'd let us soap him up and wash him off and then off he'd go.. running up onto the porch to rub his body up and down the wall until he felt he was dried off enough... or something... not really sure why he did that.. but it was the cutest thing to watch.

He loved his walks. Loved going to Saar to the date farm. He'd gallop to us once we had gotten far enough in front of him... with his tongue hanging and his mouth open as wide as it would go. He was so happy. Even here around the house.. when we'd walk him.. he really enjoyed it. Loved eating anything and everything he could find and leaving his mark everywhere.

He loved to bump me with his cold nose to get attention and when he knew we were taking him for a walk... he'd get so excited and happy. His tail would wag so fast and he'd jump up on us and get sooo excited. I loved that about him.

I miss him so much...

With respect to all of this... we got into a huge argument with the in-laws yesterday. While over for lunch, nephew asked me over and over and over and over if the dog was dead and when I couldn't ignore him any more, I got mad and told him to not ask me one more time if the dog was dead. Well.... SIL threw a fit. Saying that he's only a baby and I shouldn't have said anything to him, but ignored him. I disagree. I think a child needs to learn right from wrong. I didn't yell at him, I simply was firm and told him to stop. But... it didn't matter. She threw a complete fit over it after lunch and everyone got into a big argument... except me who sat by the side and listened. She said not a word to me in English but instead attacked me, through hubby, in Arabic. Letting everyone know how wrong I was and how I didn't have the right to say anything to her son. I disagree and no matter what, I will not change my mind nor apologize.

Needless to say, this was the straw that broke the camels back. I'm finished with all of this for a long time. I've decided not to do the school, since it will be working w/ her, which I have been against all along. I refuse to work anywhere near her and she wont be over me. I can not stand her and haven't since the get go. So... all the preparation and stress has been for nothing. I'm a bit sad over this now... but figure it's for the best. Can't imagine having this stress on a daily/weekly basis and then having to pretend all nicey nice... I'm just tired of all the games and crap.

So...

Thanks everyone for all your kind words and shows of love. It truly means the world to me. Chief Rock Chef... you are such a kind person and a real animal lover. It's wonderful to see and I appreciate all your words of encouragement and kindness... it truly means a lot to me. You and your wife and truly wonderful people. I know your kids will be some of the best. Christopher... thank you for your kindness and for the card... I wish I was there with you... that'd be oh so wonderful... le sigh... at least I can dream. You're a sweety and your friendship means a lot to me. And for my friend, Tara, who doesn't blog and doesn't read my blog... she gave me flowers and it really meant a lot. She's so kind and gentle, and was there as soon as she heard my cries on the other end of the phone. And thanks to Roxy for her text message and words of love. You're so sweet and such a loving soul. Thanks all of you. It touches me to have such friendships especially when I'm so far away from home and not around ppl who love animals so much... I feel blessed by having all of you in my life.

7 comments:

The Moody Minstrel said...

Oh, no...

I know I haven't been by for a while, but this is really a shame. I was rooting for Henry. Still, as you said, he's probably in a far better place now.

I think the issue with your SIL was inflamed by bad timing. You're probably right in your decision, but I hope you're not being hasty. I'd recommend giving a little time to cool down and get over Henry before making a judgment. That's just my take on it, for what it's worth.

Puppy said...

I am sorry to hear that you are going through it, i hope time will make it easier. Sorry for not being able to support you much, i was spending alsmost all week in the office till midnight.

I think u made a decision too early about giving up on the school, but again what u feel inside is probably the right thing, if u know that it will cause u much stress then better to give up before getting into it all again u know.

But everything is for the best, we have a saying here saying "to return from a half way of the wrong road its already a benefit" u know what i mean....

Miss Fluff said...

Having people care, is what carries you through the pain. I've never felt the attatchment to a pet, as you and many others have experienced. But, it sounds almost like having a best friend. Remember, you'll always have Henry in your heart. And he can never leave that place. :)

I'm also sorry about the situation with your in-laws. It sounds like your nephew was trying to antagonize, and if his mother has a problem with someone correcting her child, then perhaps she should. This may seem like a disappointment now, but it very well may bring something much better into your life. Keep your arms wide open, and smile. It's all on it's way!

Chief Rock Chef said...

Family - isn't it great!

It is great to read the good memories that you have of Henry. He certainly enjoyed his time with you, and that is what matters really.

Hugs.

Christopher said...

Sending hugs from me and Lily sends buckets of kisses, tail wags, yips, and encouragement...

xoxo

Christopher said...

p.s. It is even more shitty that you cannot see my new blog layout...there has to be a way around it!

Miss Fluff said...

Just stopping by to check and see how things are going. I'm working on a little something, that I hope will cheer you up. I truly hope that things are getting better. Big hugs from NYC :)