my insomnia

For as long as I remember, I haven't been able to sleep well. In my 20s, I chalked it up to being really busy at work, having too many things on my mind and overall stress. As the years go by, you'd think it would get better, especially when you have a small child that keeps you busy, but funny enough, it doesn't.

Once, a co-worker of mine, who was a Church of Christ member (ok, maybe that had nothing to do w/ it), told me it was because I didn't have a clear conscious. Maybe, but I've never thought I had bad thoughts or thoughts that would keep me from sleep. I guess she was partly pissed that I wouldn't convert to Church of Christ and didn't think I was holy enough for sleep and would use any opportunity to throw it in my face... who knows.

I've always envied those who can fall asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow. Hashim is like this. Sometimes I find myself getting mad at him for it. Not that it's his fault... for I'd love to have a problem like his, I just wish he could see, feel or understand how or what I'm going through. Maybe he does understand, but unless you suffer from insomnia, I think it's hard to identify w/ a person who does.

I met a girl last night - she's the wife of one of my husband's high school buddies - and she suffers from insomnia. We talked about it and, come to find out, if you have thyroid problems, you can have insomnia issues. Another friend's mother told me that I might be having thyroid problems, but I've yet to have it checked out. One, because I'm not certain that the drs. could diagnose it or I don't have faith in their abilities and two, I find myself doubting that it's even an issue, and it's the first time I've heard of a bad thyroid causing a person not to sleep.

I find myself longing for sleeping meds.... anything to get a restful night's sleep, but the thing w/ sleeping aids is they usually give you that drowsy feeling in the morning and I sometimes think that feeling is worse than being tired from not sleeping.

The first time I was pregnant (before my miscarriage), I slept so well. It was heaven sent... I would curl up on the bed and sleep for hours. aaahhhhh, it was wonderful. With Naief, it wasn't the same. For some reason, I always thought that one side affect of being pregnant was sleeping a lot.... figures I wouldn't get that symptom when pregnant w/ him! ;)

I slept well while in California. Don't know if it was the weather or what, but I actually could take naps during the day and found myself sleeping thru the night on many a night.... so what happened!!!??? I'm back in Bahrain and I can't sleep.

I tend to think it's because our bedroom windows face the streets in our neighborhood, so you hear every tom, dick and harry coming and going. You can hear ppl talking on the streets, cars racing up and down the main road, ambulances going to the hospital.... and every cat fight in the neighborhood. Maybe it's time to invest in some sound proof glass .... or something.... cause I'm really tired.... and I'm really tired of not being able to sleep. Plus... when you're really tired and not sleeping, you tend to get hyper in a bad way... and rather moody in a bad way. :)

fun, fun, fun