baby pictures

These are from a few days back. One of his cousins was wearing this and gave it to Naief to wear for a while.

Like father... like son :)

I think he'll look so cute in a little thobe.... can't wait until he's big enough to wear one.

Smiles to all of you :)

hooo hummmm

life has been pretty uneventful as of late. the only thing to really blog about is that i'm gonna do what my grandmother did to me and rub a dirty dish cloth on naief's hands and bury it either tonight or tomorrow night w/ the full moon. it looks like he has a small wart of some sort on his little hand and in order to get rid of it, i'm taking on some american indian traditions/customs to see if it'll get rid of it and any prospect of future warts and such.

naief is sick again. caught it from his cousin a few days back. hashim is sick as well. maybe the baby caught it from him... not sure... but either way, both hubby and baby are sick again and i'm hoping that i don't catch it. naief has been running a high fever which finally broke lastnight. the other night he was so hot i had to send hashim out at 4 a.m. to pick up panadol. poor little guy was whimpering and laying on me... it's a horrible feeling when your child is sick and he can't talk and you really don't know what to do other than give him meds to bring down his fever. i'm glad though coz it's under control now and he's feeling better. so is daddy.

i cut my hair again and dyed it really dark brown. i was ready for a change and instead of cutting it really short (the way i used to wear it), i decided to go in between and do a short classic bob and try a different color on.... i like it. it's sassy and fun, and easy to deal w/, which, at the moment, is my number one priority.

naief has been getting to know his cousins well. one cousin tries to bite him, hit him, punch him, pinch him... anything to be mean, so i find that after iftar, my time is spent trying to keep his cousin from hurting him. daddy has gotten involved and FINALLY his father (the cousin's) has gotten involved (or did lastnight), so i'm hoping that this little boy will start to be nice at some point. my question is... what makes little kids be so mean?! i have my own ideas about the matter.... but i find that i have to watch him intensely or he'll wind up biting naief. he's bitten some kids at the school, time and time again, matter of fact, so... i just hope he doesn't bite the baby. i told him this morning that if he bites naief that i will bite him back. and i have a mind to do it!! might teach him to stop biting.... or maybe make him more mean....

i've actually been enjoying ramadan this year and my favorite part has been dinner. my MIL cooks so good and i love her food... i know i've gained at least 5 lbs so far. my sister has started an intense diet and i've thought about doing it, but during ramadan it's almost impossible to diet. i keep telling myself that i'm gonna lose this baby fat... but to lose it means getting off my butt and working out which i have done nothing of.... maybe i can learn to love my fat.... i'm thinking not though :)

naief is changing so fast. he has started to use his index finger and thumb to grab things, adores the cats (they're afraid of him for the most part), loves all kinds of foods, and is cutting his eye teeth now. lastnight he cried for almost 30 mins straight, if not longer, while he was going to sleep. i thought i'd lose it after a while, so daddy got up and walked him around for a while.... as he continued to cry, and then, by some miracle, he finally fell to sleep. cutting teeth is such a difficult thing. all children are different and feel pain differently.... he loves to bite mommy and has bitten me on my arm a couple of times and on my stomach once.... i just hope this biting is a teething thing and stops after a while.... for i find that when a child bites, it's hard to stop that. he's not biting to be mean though... thankfully... and i hope it never goes to that.

anyway... that's about it. i don't wanna bore everyone to tears... so that's my life inna nutshell for the time being :)

happy day everyone... i'll post a few pics of naief in a day or so.

Fred is back

Fred is back, back again, Fred is back, Fred is back, Fred is back
duh duh duh duh duh duh
duh duh duh duh duh duh
duh duh duh duh


Tonight, as Naief was winding down to fall asleep, he started playing peak a boo w/ someone. My legs were bent w/ my feet resting on the bed and he started looking for someone between them.

Me and Hashim play this w/ him all the time, but I'll stand behind Hashim and come up on each side and say "I see you"... he just laughs. Tonight he was doing the same but looked for someone and laughed w/ someone. I saw it immediately but Hashim thought he was looking at his shadow. Which I thought at first myself, but as I started watching him, I realized that he wasn't looking at his shadow; he was actually looking around my legs for someone and seemed to be laughing when he saw them.

Hashim ran to the coldstore for a few things and as I sit here alone (Naief is sleeping), I find myself getting a bit spooked. I looked up just a minute ago and could swear I saw a figure of a boy w/ blonde hair... no joke. It scared me a little...

there was nothing there when I looked back up.

I told my MIL that I've seen things here.... out of the corner of my eye and such. I didn't go into detail about the sounds/voices and such that I've heard. She's very superstitious, believes in Jinns and such, and doesn't like black cats... and we have one, btw. :)

anyway... I told her that I believe in ghosts and spirits, and believe there is someone here. She thinks all houses have guardians... yes, bint Battuta, she said that word and it made me think of that book The Caliph's House, A Year in Casablanca!! Right after this she got up and went into the other room.

so.... Fred is back... and as long as Naief is happy, I'm happy.

2nd day of Ramadan

First, let me say Ramadan Kareem to everyone out there.

I'm not fasting this year so I have no headaches, no grouchy attitude and such. Last night when we got to my in-laws, I guess it was about 20 mins before my SIL came and she was in the worst state imaginable. She usually doesn't fast but is this year, and, I have to laugh, coz you'd think she's dying. She's putting on a good act for her husband, I hear... I guess in hopes of not having to fast. Not sure though.

Me and Naief have been really sick for the past 5 days. I got it from him. He's been sick since last Sunday and then I got it 3 days ago. He's not sleeping at night because he can't breath out of his nose and he hates it. He wakes up crying probably every 20 mins or so, and I'm having the same problems... so we're such a joy to be around. ;)

It's exhausting.

I sit and wonder how mothers w/ 3 or more children do it. I'm not talking about the women in these parts... but women who don't have housemaids to do it or nannies. Motherhood is hard work. Cleaning the house and cooking have been such a struggle for me as of late. I tried taking Naief to my MIL's kindergarten but he hated it, and that's where he picked up whatever this is that we have. Taking him there did allow me time to get things done in the house, but the afternoons are terrible because he's in such a stressful state from being there in the morning.... so I'm really debating about whether or not to take him back. I haven't taken him since he's been sick, and the dr. said it's really best to keep him away from that environment for as long as possible.... so what to do.

Right now he's going thru separation anxiety and wants me to hold him all the time. He gets crazily excited when I pick him up in the mornings and just squeals w/ delight. It's the sweetest thing, but when he only wants to be in his walker for 15 mins max and then insists on my holding him... well, it makes it very difficult to get anything done.

He's also crying a lot around other ppl, mainly my MIL. He hates for her to hold him... and it's not only worrisome but a little embarrassing. She believes he's totally spoiled and doesn't understand the stranger and separation anxiety things.... so.. I'm hoping w/ the next month of going there, he'll warm up to her. Who knows... I will say that I wonder if it's something more than this... but maybe it's only that he doesn't want her to hold him.

We're still allowing him to sleep w/ us. A lot of ppl disagree w/ this, including my MIL and one of my SILs. I asked the dr. about it day before yesterday and he said there's nothing wrong w/ it, other than it can cause distance in the relationship if you let it. A lot of ppl believe strongly in allowing the child to sleep in the same bed as the parents... and I'm one of these. I see nothing wrong w/ it actually. I do know that many believe that the sooner you get them into their own rooms, the better. Feeling it gives stronger personalities and independence. But, from reading that I've done on the topic, there aren't any proven studies to show what benefits it has vs. what negative impact it has on the child.

I've tried allowing him to cry it out and I just can't do it. And I think... why do that when he's happy as a lark sleeping w/ us. He snuggles w/ me or Hashim at night and feels safe and secure... why put him in his bed and have him cry for long periods of time, wake up and feel scared and start crying... etc., etc.

Anyway... life as been very hectic for me and w/ being sick... I haven't had any time to be online really. I hope all of you are enjoying Ramadan and find much peace in the coming month... and I hope all the rest of you have a good weekend... and find happiness in the simplest of forms.

Happy day to you.

today and always

is it just me or do a lot of ppl have memory problems?

i can't remember dates... never have been able to. it was a major problem for me when taking history.... having to remember important dates. they never stuck, no matter how long i tried to memorize them... so i turned to cramming... not the best way to keep information in your brain, but it works for the short term... probably why i only know a few things about history...

but gosh... you want the words to a song... just ask. you want the details of a movie, sitcom or such, just ask... this information seems to stick for ages... i kid you not. ;0

this past weekend is a great example of my inability to remember important things - dates. me, naief and hashim were riding around in the car and all of a sudden, hubby asks me what is important about sunday. seeing that i had made plans to go out w/ my girlfriends sunday night... i couldn't think of anything else happening that day. again, he asks. i sit there, thinking as hard as i could and still nothing comes. i finally give up and beg him to tell me....

it's our anniversary! yep, today. and i forgot. you know, most ppl i tell this to can't believe it's me and not hashim. but... i'm the guilty party. can't tell ya how long it took me to be able to remember his birthday! and several months back i found myself running to naief's baby book to double check the date of his birth! yep... that's me. but hey... things could be worse, right?!!

naief is really sick so we're staying in tonight, which is fine because sometimes that can be more romantic. sometimes being out at a busy restaurant w/ lots of ppl and/or noise gets to me, so just sitting back, cuddling and watching a movie makes my day, my week even :)

so here's to my husband... Happy Anniversary lovies!!


My Heart's Lullaby

I want to fly away
To that place deep within my soul.
My pen leads me to places
Where my mind wonders
It always seems to know.
My word, I would say
It is my brush…
Gliding confidently
With a stroke, so thick, across my soul.
Inside one's heart
Mysteries constantly seem to unfold.
Only
Your soul will know.
Do you have courage?
My heart asks one last time
Let it grab you
Won't you let it take hold?
Your strength, it will have to lead you
Because my heart beckons…
Only the most mysterious of all.
Have you ever wondered?
Asked why?
I do, it's a constant
That's where my heart leads me
Because my soul is my brush
And my hearts lullaby.


Full Moon

Such powers your distant land holds
Clouds, how they cover you
But still your light deepens its hold
Nature is captivated by you
Animals cry out to you
What beauty you hold
The wind, it whirls around me
I see nothing but what you want me to see
The clouds, they move swiftly
As the bare limbs of this tree
Echo the emptiness from all around
What do I write
Where does the bare mind lead
I can find your sweetness
Feel the pull of such gravity
The darkness of your beauty is all around
Every leaf movement echoes aloud
While rolling like thunder
Can you hear me call out?
Full moon

nothing much but some poetry of love

since i'm not really in the mood or have time to write a lot, thought i'd post a few poems i wrote back in 2003... after the hubby left for bahrain and i stayed behind. not only to get things ready and packed for the big trip across the seas, but to also get the cats ready for shipping and to also go and see my family before my move to that little bitty island across the seas. this is when the Gulf War broke out and all flights were cancelled, indefinitely, to the ME. luckily, i got the cats shipped and they were in london - soon to be in bahrain and our shipment was about to leave.... and i was about to leave for california w/out knowing when i'd ever see hashim again.

before leaving our house in denton, texas, i became deeply depressed. i spent many a day crying and asking God to take the pain from me.... hence my poetry. i don't write, a lot of times, in rhyme, but more free verse. it may seem stupid to many, but it gets out my emotions and helps in the journey.... i hope you enjoy.


Yesterday

Yesterday is today already and
tomorrow as well
I think of yesterday, that day
the 21st and wonder,
Did I give the right farewell?
I remember yesterday...
being in the house with you
The sound of the wood beneath our feet,
the backyard, and the stores up the street.
I remember our bed and watching TV all night
That day at the airport, the 21st....
I left early that day.
If only I could go back and have you
kiss my tears away.
If only I had hugged you that morning
and all throughout the day.
Would it make a difference?
Would it change how I feel right now?
No, I don't believe so...
But, if I could make a wish
and have it come true....
my wish would be....
To be there with you.
For yesterday is today and
tomorrow as well....
Yesterday will come many more days
from now.
One of these days, I hope yesterday
is the day that I will be there
with you.


Sunrise

Sunrise
Peaks through the shades of my still room
As I awake to a world
that is silent, and
empty
Your cologne
I'm curled up in a place where I can still smell you
and feel the lingering touch from your hand
The room where I lay is lonesome
It feels strange
I feel bare as I call your name
Only to remember …. you're not here
Nowhere… no place
You're not around
As I turn over to lie in the spot
Where you once could have been found
I linger too long listening to your voice
Funny, but I can still hear its' sound
My world
It feels empty without you
I cry and feel lonely throughout the long nights
I'm alone with my sadness
While looking for that star that once shown bright
The light from another morning
brightly shines through my window now
Sunrise
I ask for you to warm me
Help me come out from beneath this blue cloud


Salt Filled Coffee

I sit here drinking my coffee
This house is utterly bare
The silence, it echoes as
my heart screams
Salt cakes my dry lips from tears
streaming without obedience
as I try to overlook this pain
I linger too long
Waiting for you
to call
For as strong as I may seem
I am crippled with insecurities
I assure you
Will you love me less because of this?
I ask my mind over
and again
As I sing to myself
The memory of your kiss
forever tattooed on my lips
My tongue slowly caresses the dryness
Hoping for that one last taste
Of you
But ….. I have only
Salt filled coffee