Saturday, June 10, 2006

she's outta here!

our little housemaid will be getting her walking papers tomorrow afternoon. i am overjoyed - i see light at the end of the tunnel! i want her out of our lives because the last year 1/2 has been an emotional rollercoaster thru the brinks of hell w/ this lil angel in our house. i'm sick of the mental choas.

a lot of ppl have not understood and questioned why she is still here - why we didn't get rid of her months ago (which should have happened)... but i'm here to tell ya... convincing my FIL of this has not been the easiest thing to do. matter of fact, he's still not convinced, but the hubby didn't give in to his dad's questions of "why" that was asked many times over today.

we have complained about her many times - told all the stories of the strange "goings-on", and i even heard a gasp escape my MIL's lips, but nothing was done. when it came time to proceed w/ getting rid of her... it wasn't spoken of - so we dropped it more often than not - it was just easier that way.

but..... i waited and hoped... hoped that it would change - it didn't. for months now, i've been finding myself going thru this emotional tug of war, going back and forth in these moments of unnatural **clarity** - feeling sorry for her and wanting to keep her and then something would happen and i'd find myself fearing her. fear is such an unhealthy emotion - and it's especially worse when you feel tied to it.

this girl likes to play big time mind games and for a while i thought i was being paranoid about it all but not so. i know i wasn't, my husband knows i wasn't. we've decided that it's for the best that she's leaving our house.

it all culminated last week after purchasing this cabinet for our bedroom. there's a drawer in the top where i've been putting all of our medicine, knick knacks, various magazine articles that i want to keep and such. i organized this little top drawer. i lined up all the medicine, put my papers in a nice stack, put my gum over on top of my papers, etc., etc. all was good or so i thought.

i came home one day last week from work, opened up that drawer and everything inside of it was completely messed up. some of the medicine boxes were open, it looked as tho my papers had been gone through... it was very weird. and.. this plastic container i have in the bedroom, that i brought down from storage, had been opened. i closed it the last time i used it. i asked my husband and he hadn't touched it. who had opened it? is there a ghost in our house?

ok, no big deal you say... but i'll tell ya this. i don't like someone going thru things that they don't need to be going thru. i don't have anything in there that's worth anything, and that's not the point, but i don't like to imagine her in here snooping thru our things! she's the housemaid, but there are limits.

i put everything back in place the next day before work and off we go.

when we get home that afternoon, i go straight up to the bedroom and head straight for the drawer. it is completely in shambles once again. this time, i told my husband. i told him exactly what had happened the day before and how i had straightened it. we decide to test her to see if it happens again. this time we take a picture of the way i arrange it. we get home the next day, and it's all messed up again but we say nothing. you may ask why we don't confront her... well, my dears, it does no good whatsoever. she will deny, deny, deny.

the next day we lock the door. the day after, we leave it unlocked, organize the drawer, come home.... it isn't touched. it's exactly the way i left it. she didn't move a thing. and she hasn't since then.

these little games happen every day. if i don't say anything to my husband, they continue and switch around, she says bizarre things to me - says things in English but says she can't speak English, so much. if i mention anything to my husband and complain about it.... the VERY NEXT DAY... it is as if there was never a problem. everything is back in working order, if there was a problem, it's fixed..... except when she breaks my things or tears my clothes.

funny how it's only my stuff that keeps getting trashed... and it's all blamed on our cats - except for the clothes... i've gotten to the point that i don't cherish anything.

this madness and much much more has been filling our lives for prob a year now. i am so so glad that she is bye bye tomorrow. we will insist that she packs her bags out in the open... many of my things have been *lost*... i'm sure i won't see them, but we won't give her a chance for anything. our door will be locked tomorrow before heading to work because i'm pretty sure she knows or will know by tomorrow because the housemaids at my MILs house prob heard tonight... so there's a very good chance that she'll be told while we're at work tomorrow.

i'm really hoping that this weight will be lifted from me ... i know it'll give us a lot more freedom - and, truthfully, i hate having someone in our house. i did all the cleaning before and i can do it again. i never wanted a housemaid anyhow... but there are those who don't take "no" for an answer.

we have taken back control and it feels GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD !!!!

i feel like locking her out of every room but it's not possible. we came home from work today and the office door was closed and jewel's, our cat, was inside. the housemaid was cleaning that room this morning, so she closed the cat in there for the day. hubby also found petunia, our black cat, locked in HIS STUDIO!!!! the cats don't go in the studio. i'm sure this was done in an attempt to have things broken... not sure, but nothing was disturbed. like i said, the cats don't break everything. anyway... we didn't mention it to her. we spoke it and talked about it... so she prob knows. yes... i said it.


Sabra said...

Yeah, Tooners! With all that - Honey, I would have been abusive to my maid! How you did it as long as you did is beyond me. So, good, that you finally got the powers that be - MIL and FIL - to see that it had to be done and it couldn't wait till the end of the year! Surely, you will be "blessed" with another one, probably sooner rather than later. I hope, for your sake - and sanity - it can be one that works out for you. I believe I will just stick to the "house assistant," and not ever even think about a "maid" again. You are right - the maids will talk - do you think she'd try to squirrel some of your stuff out of the house while you're gone - have another maid hold it for her??? Can your MIL come over for the day? Maybe you could take half a day off? Do you want me to come over? The maids in our little grassy common area – the doctor down the street has TWO [I think one is actually the maid and the other is the nanny – they wear matching uniforms every day!] – there are several households behind us that have maids versus "house assistants" – they all get together in the morning, as they take the babies and the toddlers – out in strollers or to just romp. They all huddle together and then as a car will drive up they spread apart. I can see it out our upstairs windows - it drives my "kids" crazy to have all these people outside in the common area. I am sure that there are probably some really, really good maids out there. One of the doctors on the street behind us – their family has had the same maid for like thirteen years! Another woman here just let her maid of six years go because her children – not the maid's – were beginning to believe that no matter what they did that the maid would take care of it and clean up after them. I find it hard to believe you could be with the same family for thirteen or six years – or whatever – if you weren't at least half decent at doing your job. Conversely, there's the other woman that had to call security and the police to have her maid taken away and "held" until they could put her on a plane. Oh, well, regardless, you finally got those around you to see the light and you will surely feel the weight off your shoulders!

[Although hardly the same as a maid – eons ago I had a roommate – Debbie – and shortly after she moved in with me, things started missing from my room. Just little things at first. A new pair of pantyhose that I KNEW I had just bought [Leggs in the silver egg were the hot brand!] Then bigger things. First a red silk blouse... Then a pair of Chic jeans. No, they don't just walk away on their own! I was convinced I had to have left them in the dryer at the laundromat or something. Am I dating myself, or what!?! Every time I'd confront her and say, "Hey, Deb, have you seen my red blouse?" or whatever, she'd look me straight in the eye and say, "Gee, no I haven't." I really thought it was me. I was working full-time, she was a part-time student [college] that her Dad was supporting, thus no job. She was NEVER gone when I was home. So, any opportunity I could have had to see if any of my missing things might have been in her room just didn't arise. I walked down the hall one morning – her door was open – and a pair of MY shoes were sitting right next to her bed. She’s bent over her dresser putting on her make-up, and I said, “Hey, aren’t those mine?” To which she responded, “Yeah, I was going to ask you if you mind if I borrow them – I want to wear them today.” [Sure you were gonna ask me. When, AFTER I left for work?] This went on for a few more weeks. When jewelry started "missing," I left work shortly after I got there one morning – I don’t remember – feigned sick or something – knowing Deb had a class and went home – it had to be done – I HAD to search her room. She, apparently hadn’t had any problem searching mine on a regular basis! Yep, most of it was ALL there! Even my underwear! I was packing her things into trash bags when she got home from school. Of course, she wasn't expecting me to be there, and certainly not expecting me to be in her room. She flipped out. "What are you doing? Get out of my room!" Ahh, no, Deb, "What are you doing? All of THIS belongs to me and I "found" it in here!" It was a pretty nasty scene. We had been friends for a long time, since we were in junior high school. Needless to say, we've never spoken since. No, I don't think I want another woman in the house - certainly not full-time.]

Anonymous said...
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Angelo Embuldeniya (Strav) said...

I've always thought about this and still continue to do so whenever I read postings like this one above, why aren't domestic helpers given the appropriate training or guidelines to follow in a host country by their respective embassies or consular offices?

We've never had domestic helpers around... because I could never put up with them... everytime the family wanted to go in for domestic helpers i'd put my foot down because I hated the idea of someone else rearranging my desk, going through my papers, etc.

we had tried it out a long time ago when I was just a kid, a tot rather and I'd my toys arranged one way when I got out to school and when I came back it was rearranged some place else.... as I grew older I had the same memory and feared what would happen to my papers and the like...

BTW... these are just some of the experiences that employers of domestic helpers should bring to the attention of the MWPS, apart from being a protection body, they do try their best to kick in guidelines and seminars for domestic helpers, etc.

Tooners why don't you just forward the hellish experience you've had to Marietta (39452470) at the MWPS, at the least you'd be helping some other employer.

I know that everyone overseas think that domestic helpers in here are the only ones who form the abused side.... but there's more to it that you see in Main Stresam Media (MSM). The thing is ... MSM doesn't cover the employer misery of it because we have too many offenders that form the employers abusive side with little or inaccurate stats that those employers who go through a rough time don't get the fair deal...

Anyways, congrats on getting back control of your lives :)

still breathing said...

my mama never allowed any servant or housemaid or whatever inside our home...she never trusted any of them and now the pic is clear for me.

i'm glad urs will be leaving...i can't imagine how u coped with that hell for a year!

tooners said...

yesterday was the day from hell. soooo much happened. i found out that my suspicions were correct and much much more. sabra, you would not believe all the stuff i found in her room - after believing that i was giving her space, treating her like a human being and such... i freaked when i saw all the stuff she had and the things she HAD been lying about... all the proof was in her room... which i got to check after she went shopping w/ the housmaid next door and i refused to allow her to lock her room. she panicked and now i know why!!! she's gone now... thank God!

Strav, I tried calling that number, Marietta, but no one picks up. I will try again later.

STill Breathing, yes, your mom is a smart woman! I don't blame her and I will NEVER, and I mean never, make that mistake again. No one will ever live here w/ us nor will I ever have a maid again.

I won't go into all the stuff I found yesterday but it totally freaked me out. I do believe she was doing magic, black magic, whatever they call it. She was a liar and a thief. But.. I will add this, we almost weren't allowed to do it. My FIL threatened to cancel her flight yesterday morning! WHY they didn't want us to get rid of her is beyond me.. I do have a few things that pop into my mind... but, that's another story.

Leilouta said...

My mom had the same problem when she first moved to Tunisia. They took advantage of her kindness and stole jewelry.It came to a point where they even stole food and took it home with them, especially for some reason, milk and butter!

Ms Bees Knees said...

hey girl, hope things are settling down now. email me if you need to talk! *hugs*

Ingrid said...

Hey tooners, have been busy with kids and posts and being stressed (ha, did you say it's a summer holiday?!!)
Anyway, what a creepy situation that was. Hopefully for that woman her flight wasn't canceled but then again, maybe it is maybe it isn't. At least you were able to say, hasta la vista woman.. live and learn tooners...phew!

mae mae said...

WOO HOO!!!! WOO HOO!!!! WOO HOO!!!! I'm soooooo happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope things get much better for you now, i just about know they will!!!!!!!

Olivia said...

that's just plain frightening!

I don't know how you could sleep at night with her in the house - i know I wouldn't.

I bet you feel like a boulder has been lifted from your shoulder.

Angelo Embuldeniya (Strav) said...

keep trying that number (39452470) Tooners :)... mornings and afternoons are usually a rush for them, try after 5pm or something:)

Angelo Embuldeniya (Strav) said...

Tooners, i just read your other post and figured you already touched base with her ":)

Greg said...

Tooners: nice to finally have read a post on your blog. I'll be visiting more from here on. About your maid(I read the next post too) I must say you put up with a lot and good for you. It's good to be compassionate towards people even when they don't treat you the same as you treat them in return.

Good for you!