when i was a young girl, prob in the 7th or 8th grade, me and one of my cousins would get into hair pulling fights. it wasn't fun but it got out a lot of aggression. i usually won and she'd cry, and i feel bad for it now, and did then too. but it was always out of anger and usually because she was mean and would say hurtful things.... so i always thought she deserved it! ;)
day before yesterday, i think i could have done the same (w/out feeling an ounce of sympathy) to the housemaid. i wanted to hurt her .... make her feel pain. because after everything, she sat there expressionless, motionless and didn't shed one tear. matter of fact, when she boarded the bus to go to the airport, we heard that she complained the entire way that we hadn't given her a salary for a year, which is a total lie. but, she lived for lying.
i surprised myself really..... i've never experienced such anger and complete, full blown rage. all this time, i felt like i was going crazy, but knew she was behind it. i'd say things but there was no proof. i don't think anyone truly believed me for the longest time. there were times when i doubted myself... i thought i was imagining things. i will admit, that's an awful feeling.
she was manipulative and evil. pure evil. she tried to present herself as such a sweet little thing, and you know, she was good at it. when she first came to our house, i adored her. she was so sweet and busted her butt even when it wasn't necessary. i wanted to show her a better life... i even started trying to teach her English. we took her places, out to eat, swimming, gave her a TV, cable, DVD player (yeah it was old but it worked)... all the works. i was told to make her sleep on the floor outside... which is something i would NEVER do. i always treated her like a person, like a human. i abhor abuse... but... i can now understand how someone could go to that extreme. i hate to say it, but i can undersand. maybe later, when i'm past this experience and over the pain of it... i will prob not understand it... but right at this moment, i can understand it. but, in saying this and before i get ppl saying crazy things to me... i do not recommend it nor do i think that what is happening in this country and elsewhere is a good thing. i personally feel that these ppl/housemaids/help should leave this country and not be involved in ppl's lives or be allowed to work here... but that's just me.
this girl, the housemaid, wore a hijab and covered herself from head to toe. she prayed 5 times a day... to someone/something... but it wasn't for goodness.
i blame myself a lot for the things that happened. i keep going thru the couldhave, shouldhave's. yeah, i know, she's out of our house, and i'm really happy about that. the weight has been lifted, the animals are even relaxed (they were scared of her) and the house just seems more calm. even still... the memories remain, and i was told that it could take a good couple of weeks or more to not feel so helpless and depressed about it. i talked to that lady that Strav (comment from my earlier post) recommended to me... she's a kind woman. she told me that we're not alone. this happens a lot. the indonesian housemaids are really bad, especially when it comes to lying and doing bad things. and... they do DO black magic. wonder why it is that you hear this but when it comes to this stuff taking place, ppl want to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening. i didn't even believe in this stuff. i had soooo many ppl around me telling me that she was prob doing black magic... and when i actually started believing it and seeing things, no one wanted to do anything about it!
i told the housemaid what i thought of her after it all happened. i screamed and yelled at her... i got in her face, pointed my finger a breath away from her... all the while, she looked off. at one point, she said "sorry", but i told her that sorry doesn't cut it. i wanted to take and shake the life from her... i did (meaning i wanted to but i didnt). and i'm not sorry for it. i didn't touch her though, except when she was upstairs and wouldn't leave her room.
it first started when she wanted to lock her door and i told her she couldn't. she had just gotten buzzed by the other housemaid to come downstairs to go to Ramas. she kept stalling for time, pacing in her room. i knew something was up. i stood there and wouldn't leave. she then went into the bathroom and started brushing her teeth. after she finished, she came from the bathroom carrying two big garbage bags. she said it was trash. i told her that she couldn't take them. when i saw these bags, all i could think was, "what's inside those bags?!" when i told her that she couldn't take them, she insisted. i told her again, "NO"... she still tried to bring them towards me. this is when i went to her and said "NO!, you are not taking them out of this room". at this point, she yelled, "OKAY". but she wouldn't move. she then bent down and rummaged thru the one bag and pulled out a letter for the post. she then walked around like in a daze and then said she needed to get her mobile. i'm like... "what mobile, you don't have a mobile" she told me it was her friends. i'm like, "oh no, you aren't taking any mobile" (she had stolen the battery from mine months ago.... that's all i could think about.)
she stood there and wouldn't move. i told her to go and she wouldn't move. i grabbed her arm and forced her from the room. i took her down the stairs and out of the house. after locking the doors, i went upstairs and proceeded to go thru the bags of "trash" and the rest of everything in that room.
i have never been so shocked. i found the battery to my mobile! i knew she had it... even when she said she didn't. i found so many things..... things that were missing, things i had thrown away (she took from the trash), underwear, my clothes, hair things, make up, plastic from the kitchen, towels, hand towels, dish clothes, good pens, jewelry, film... all sorts of things. i had never gone into her room searching for anything. i respected her privacy and tried to treat her like an equal and as a member of our house.
i will NEVER do this again. i do not and will not ever trust these ppl. the last girl we had stole from me. a gold ring my FIL had given to me. she denied it. we got rid of her. this time... it was all under my nose but i didn't see it. she was smart.... i was naive.
but never again.