Over the last few months, actually months ago, I mentioned that I had a secret but couldn't tell it. Not sure if anyone picked up on it because I was somewhat coy about it, and then a few blogs ago, I talked about keeping secrets and how well ppl could keep secrets and such. My sister was dying to tell my secret and has been pressing me for months to tell my secret... but I didn't and now I will.
I didn't for many reasons, which I'll get to in a few. I guess the big thing now is to open up and spill the beans.
Well.... I am pregnant. :)
Six months to be exact. I started the first week of my 6th month this week.
Many may wonder why I kept it a secret for so long... probably thinking me a bit strange, but there are reasons behind it. Reasons that I don't really agree w/, but because I have respect for those around me and because you just never really know, I kept it a secret.
I think a lot of my blogging as of late is based on my pregnancy. I wrote about adoption and even had one blog friend ask me why I didn't want children... she didn't know about my pregnancy. That's why I chose that topic to write about. Yeah, a long time ago, I didn't want kids as I said in my post... never thought I'd have kids matter of fact, but low and behold... I'm gonna have a baby! :)
First off, it's a HUGE taboo here or there's so much superstition surrounding childbirth in this part of the world, that anyone and everyone will tell you not to tell a soul that you're expecting until you're well past your 3rd month. Then, after my third month, I had my MIL telling me not to tell anyone until after my 5th month... now I have her telling me not to buy anything for the baby until after my 6th month. It all causes me a headache and because I'm American and childbirth is a HUGE deal in the States, something that is celebrated w/ parties, lots of talk w/ girlfriends, and all that jazz, it was been so difficult for me not to tell anyone.
I've told my family... and have only now told a few close friends of mine. The reason behind this is that I was pregnant last Sept. and had a miscarriage which caused me a lot of emotional distress for many months and I think, on my part, there was a lot of fear surrounding this pregnancy and the fear that if I got too excited about it and told, I'd sure enough lose the baby. Plus, soon enough ppl will see that you're having a baby, so I figured when that time came, I'd then let my friends know. Well..... that time is here!! :)
It's weird because now I can sorta explain all the absense of memory that I've had over recent months (and some who have wondered w/ my blog comments that I've left on their sites can understand this - so many times I'd draw a complete blank w/ things) - which is a common occurance w/ pregnant women, my mood swings (which have been plenty, believe me) and pissy attitude at times, my cleaning freak attitude that has hit me over the last month (this is the nesting stage my sister tells me), my many blogs about things of the past and memories of childhood fun, all the things that I've found in my things at home that I've kept over the years, all my girlie posts... and so on and so on. This has all been because of my little hidden secret.
Here, in the ME, and even in other countries like India, Mexico and such, there is this thing called evil eyes. I was told that my last miscarriage was because of this (and many tried to say it was because of our cats!!), and for anyone who has experienced such a thing and is foreign to it like myself, it can come as quite a shock to the system and even frighten you to a point that you're afraid of your own shadow. Well... this has been a big part of not telling as well. I guess w/in the last month though, I've become quite impatient w/ the whole evil eyes thing and have pressed my husband for weeks to just get on w/ it and that I'm gonna let the news out. So, today, is the day... the day to put it out there.
So... Puppy... here are my happy thoughts! :) I'm pregnant. :) I'm going to have a baby and I'm really happy. So happy that my emotions get the best of me and my eyes are tearing up as I'm writing this.
That's the thing w/ pregnancy, you can cry at the drop of a hat and I do. ;) My emotions have been crazy. One minute you're happy, the next you're sad, the next you're mad. My husband has loved it, believe you me. ;)
Me... well, when I first found out, I was thrilled, elated and almost in a fantasy type of world w/ it, then reality set in and I got serious about it. I worry a lot.... about all sorts of things really, so you can imagine my life. It's getting better now, since months ago I decided to put my worries in God's hands and not flip out over the stupidest things (altho I still do)... but it's better.
My sister will be overjoyed that I'm finally saying something on my blog. She's so happy and we chat all the time about it. I'm so glad I have her in my life to talk about this w/... she has a 6 yr old and wrote everything down when she was pregnant, so she likes to whip out the 'ole baby book and tell me this and that whenever I have a question. Altho, sometimes this makes me very lonely and fills me w/ longing to be close to my family in the States. I've been having a lot of this lately... I think cuz it's getting close and I'm starting to panic a little about all the formal things and the needs of the baby. There are just so many things and you think you know everything and think "oh, how hard can this be".... UNTIL, it's your turn. :)
So... there's a lot that to write about and I'm sure I will now and again, but I'll try not to overload my blog w/ it... cuz I do love to write about all the demented stuff that comes into my mind! ;)