Monday, May 07, 2007

comment on a blog

i made a comment on Leilouta's blog yesterday - the one entitled Why the Panic? and i guess i sounded someone sexist or so someone said....

her blog was about she and her husband getting into an argument and the fact that she didn't speak to her husband for a week afterwards. his mother was coming into town and on the next to the last day or last day, he asked her if she was going to clean the house and whatnot. when she made it clear that she would not be doing any such thing, he left and went to the grocery store, bought cleaning supplies and a chicken for dinner. all the supplies were used in the bathroom and when she asked him if the chicken was being served to his mother for dinner he stated that it was - and only the chicken - no sides or anything because he said that his mom probably wouldn't be hungry since she would have eaten before coming and that his mom always went to bed early (she went to bed that night at 12 a.m.). anyway... if you're interested, go read the blog. it's quite humorous.

well, in my comment i stated that me and the hubby can be the same - very stubborn. and i said that her husband should have buckled under the pressure and apologized, and that he probably knew that when he came home w/ the cooked chicken and made it clear that he would serve that for dinner, that Leilouta would basically come to the rescue. seeing that they've been married for a while, i'm sure he knows his wife and knows how to get certain things from certain situations. i think that most married couples are this way.

someone commented that i was being very sexist in that i didn't know who started the argument so why did i assume that it was her husband's responsibility to apologize. ok, i'll give that anon person that... yes indeed, i didn't know whose fault it was... but does it really matter? when you've been mad at each other for a week and in-laws are coming into town, isn't it best for someone to apologize? to be the bigger person and just do it? isn't the relationship worth that? or did he not give a damn? obviously he does...

i thought since it was his mother coming for a visit, then it should be he that makes the effort and apologizes... no matter if it was his fault or not.... because in the end, don't all of us women know that the man is always at fault!!!! (kidding!)

anyway.... i do think that her husband should have stepped up, been the better person and tried to at least make it all better. maybe that's what he was doing w/ the chicken. i know that when me and the hubby get into an argument, more times than not he'll go and buy food, which always seems to make the situation better. i think food calms a lot of nerves.... and eating together somehow, for us at least, brings you closer together....

i don't know... what do you guys think? was i being sexist in that i felt that her husband should have stepped up and said something to change the situation? maybe it couldn't have been solved that easily.... but, maybe it could have been since when she saw the chicken, she took the bull by the horns and cleaned the house and made a fabulous dinner that her MIL loved.

tell me... what would you have done? and do you think i'm mistaken?

10 comments:

Janeen said...

ok, i read her blog. this is what i think.... i think its her fault. she was being the stubborn one for waiting all week just to see "what he will do" and when he did what he thought was enough, wasn't enough for her. being married that long she already knew and she waited and waited and ended up having to do everything herself anyways because he didn't do it to her standards! THen she was mad because she did it.
She should have done it too.
You weren't being sexiest but just because its HIS mother, doesn't mean he should apologize. She was in the wrong...

Olivia said...

Whenever my parents argued, and my dad would storm off and go for a drive, he'd come back sheepish - he'd reach for her, kiss her, give her the puppy look and say, "Honnney, c'mere. I'm sorry. You were right of course."

Sometimes he'd say she was always right. Funny thing is, she often was. But she was also stubborn.

Leilouta is too. I think sometimes wives just want their husbands to do it right and who knows how far they will push it? I can't say more as I am not married, but there is always something about an approaching MIL that makes everything go awry...

tooners said...

janeen, i think being stubborn for a full week is a bit much. i've been known to carry it out a couple of days, but thankfully hashim knows that i was right in these cases and always does the rightful thing! ;) (he'll kill me for that one!) what i meant by it being his mother and his responsibility is that if he would have just given in and apologized, seeing that it was his mother coming, could have saved a lot of headache... and if it were her mother, then she could have done the same. that's what i meant by that... but who knows if i would have done that.

olivia, what is it about guys/men needing to get away when they're mad. i've tried this, but i don't much like it. and you know, even though he denies it, i am usually the right one ;) hmmmm, i think.

i agree w/ you in that wives want their husbands to do it right, no matter what. that's prob another reason i was leaning towards it being her husband that needed to say something. yeah, it could mean that i'm sexist, but i think there's a dynamic w/ married couples to where it just makes everything better when a man says he's sorry... even if, in the beginning, it wasn't his fault. you know what i mean?

and you are definitely right about MILs making things go awry... i think you'd agree w/ that one too, huh janeen??? i sometimes wonder if there are any daughter-in-laws that don't have these issues....

Gaz said...

I think it gets a bit childish when it goes on for day's,i like to get it sorted there and then,a mate of mine who's in his late 20's was on his playstation when his mrs said "Christopher,your 29 now,when are you going to grow up?" his reply was "Gaz is in his 40's and he's got a playstation"
i couldent stop laughing when he told me,i'm a role model at last lol.

memo said...

hmmm i also think she over did it with the whole week thing..personally i dont know how she could keep it up..My ty and I have arguments..but they always end within the day if not the hour..but whatever its different for each couple ..who are we to judge and criticize?
Anyways..i think you are right..If i dont talk to my Ty it would probably be just to get him to come up to me and cuddle me and say he is sorry. I dont think you are sexist at all..he should have apologized and i guess it would ve been over..but hey humans are stubborn.. but again i think ur right..but thats just me.. im ranting today for some reason..feel like my tongue gone loose

Olivia said...

I must say, I can't sulk for more than an hour when it comes to arguments, and I hate an absence of peace and harmony anyway.

What is it with MILs? They too are someone's daughter, mother, sister, best friend, and excellent ones at that, then suddenly they become the worst person on earth in the form of a MIL. I will never understand.

tooners said...

olivia, you know, i don't know what happens either. my mom isn't this way and i'm not just saying that... or at least she isn't w/ hashim, but i seem to have my hands full most times. last night she told me that this woman, whom i've met, wants one of my cats (which i'd never part w/ a cat i've had for years) and that she told the lady that i'd get rid of my son but i'd never get rid of my cats. this made me soooo mad. i'm still pissed over it and want to say something but know if i do, then it will surely cause a major problem.

and as far as needing harmony... arguing puts in such a state and i hate it. i think when you have a baby and children that arguing isn't good. the baby can sense everything and i mean everything. last night he was very upset and i'm sure he could tell that something was amiss w/ me.

gaz, i don't think hashim will ever give the playstation and such up. he's very much looking forward to when naief gets older so that they can play together. doesn't it feel good to be a role model! ;) and i agree.. i think when an argument goes for a week or so, then something is really wrong. i can't imagine it.

memo, i hate to argue but sometimes, because ppl are different, there's no getting around it. and i agree w/ you... sometimes i just want to be held... and want him to come to me... altho someone said on that blog that it's manipulative to want such. i think these are areas where some ppl never agree.

The Moody Minstrel said...

i don't know... what do you guys think? was i being sexist in that i felt that her husband should have stepped up and said something to change the situation?

I think that you were just being a typical wife!

(Now THAT was sexist!) ;-)

tooners said...

moody, NOW... that's a good response... and a true one. i think that most husband's and wives would say the same or similar... and i'm so glad you did... and who cares if it's sexist or not... it's true! :) i think, in some ways, that that's what married life is about... or at least in many cases.

Leilouta said...

Janeen,
I was not waiting all week just to see what he will do. I am not that shallow ( I hope)+ I exagerated a little, it was more like a few days not a whole week :)

Tooners,I don't think you're sexist at all. I agree with everything you said.The thing that drives me crazy about some men is that after an argument they just do whatever they want which is usually watching tv or falling asleep, while we woman just boil inside. That drives me crazy. I know that we usually are like that...we should let the men go to their caves but woman just can't wait to talk about whatever the probelm is. My husband and I have a good relationship and we try to compromise with our differences.