Saturday, July 08, 2006

a really good funny - Baby Photographer

The Smiths And The Baby Photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to....'' "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?""Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.""Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs.. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment , I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um..equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.

31 comments:

rob said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tooners said...

if u dont like the blog, then dont read it....

plain and simple

Alfanan said...

Rob,

You might want to be careful of what you say, dude. If you don't like this blog, then just suck it and get the hell out of here.

Stupidity is not wanted here.

rob said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
keda said...

tooners (aka. anon), if you and your sick entourage can't read or understand simple basic logic on my blog, then really you should avoid looking at it. and definately avoid commenting and leaving your repressive and frankly quite sick minded little bits of bile and ignorance around.

its exactly that kind of latent aggression and fear of nature and innocence that gives the sickos their hold over us.

i and my family will never hide our faces or bodies in fear. we will be here challenging your ignorance and stupidity forever.

is that plain and simple enough for you?

if you can't be bothered to read my blog, then don't comment.

dumbarse.

The Moody Minstrel said...

Um....hello....?

Did I miss something here...?

I came here thinking I'd find comments on that joke about the photographer, and instead I find a whole shyteload of bile that clearly has nothing to do with it whatever.

What is going on here? What are Rob and Keda on about? Is it Troll Wars or something? Am I included in this "sick entourage" Keda is referring to? If so, what did I do that is "sick" or "ignorant"?

Life is so confusing sometimes...

TechZ said...

LMAO!

that was a nice find tooners!!!

as for the rob & keda, I'm still quite puzzled by their comments...got the wrong blog maybe?

Chris in MB said...

I'm with moody, confused?
had someone been trolling with tooners name & profile?!?

Alfanan said...

It amazes me the stupidity of some people. Obviously Rob & Keda are trying to get some attention to their blogs. So if any of you wish to make contact with some of the filthiest, most ignorant attention whores, check out the blogs of Rob & Keda.

tooners said...

first off, i have no idea who this rob person is and really think he's an ass. simple joke on the blog and he acts like that... interesting to say the least.

and for this keda, i have no idea what you're talking about... if i leave a post someplace, i leave it w/ my name most times and w/ respect to my "entourage"... hmmm... last time i checked, i didn't have an entourage. personally, i've never read your blog.... but you are stirring interest. i wonder if the whole comment was to stir interest.

moody, i think i missed something too - obviously so. i was trying to leave a cute joke but i get comments from some ass saying things that are completely off the wall or i get random comments from someone that thinks i'm someone that i'm not and also thinks i have an entourage. hmmmm...

chris, no one can troll w/ my name & profile unless they have my password and no one has that except for my husband and i know he isn't doing such. plus i don't usually use "anon" because if i wan't to leave a comment on a blog, i usually just leave it... unless it's one blog in particular and he knows when i leave a comment that's from "anon"... reason being is because it's usually politically motivated. but other than that, i use my name.

Chris in MB said...

I read keda's blog.
Not sure why she's angry.
Rob is a regular at keda's & I think was responding for the same reason as she.

Sounds like someone posted a bunch of nasty stuff on her blog in your name tooners!

I'm not getting in the middle of this!

tooners said...

what? someone posted stuff w/ my name? i've never been to her blog...

let me go there and see what's going on.

tooners said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Puppy said...

tooners,

Well Done. You should have deleted the comments at the first place.

As for the story thank you for posting it, made me smile.

Best Wishes,

Puppy.

tooners said...

chris, i just looked thru two of her blogs and didn't see my name there (but i didn't go thru each and every one)... other than a post she left for me that was the same as the one she left here. i'm really at a loss as to what's going on there. for some reason she thinks that i am an "anon"... so be it. i know it's not me.

Chris in MB said...

tooners, I don't know what happened, I only read her second blog of the three.

BTW, I liked your story.

tooners said...

chris, you know... i just reread her blog and whoever posted the anon did use my homepage, which freaks me out. so basically i could post anything as anyone and type in someone's homepage and it would be so... and i went to a friend's blog and the word 'anon' was in my screen name, which i didn't catch and i posted as 'anon' on her blog yesterday afternoon and wasn't aware of it until this morning... so something is up. i'm starting to get paranoid. and i went to blogger and instead of having to type in a screen name and password, it took me immediately into blogger.. which is very weird.

my husband has been telling me to transfer my blog to another site, which i've set up but just haven't started using. i think it's time for me to start using it so that i can track what's going on, and i think setting up a screen saver password here at my desk is a good idea... which will keep maybe a few somebody's or such from using my computer at work.

i'm glad you liked the story.. i thought it was really cute. i know it made me smile and i needed it yesterday.

keda said...

tooners someone did indeed post a very stupid and offensive comment using anon but using your homepage as a link.

rob is a regular at mine and so i guess was reacting to the comment. as was i.

given the insulting nature of the comment at mine i stand by my reaction. however as you say it was not you, i apologise for any distress this has caused you. i would however see what you can do about it as if this arse continues to try to upset and cause offense at other blogs in your name it could be quite nasty.

alfanan.. i dont need to attract attention at my site especially not this of this kind. i will however stand up for myself whenever i am attacked. and as some idiot used this site to link from i think i could be forgiven for following it up.

if you had bothered to try to find out why i was so upset and understand maybe you would have the decency to think twice before on top of the original shock and upset by called me 'some of the filthiest, most ignorant attention whores'

its all been rather distressing all round i guess.


good luck on sorting out the problem. (oh and btw i did actually want to respond originally by email but as you didn't give an adres i couldn't. so as it seemed obvioius at the time that it was your blog i felt the need to comment instead)
what a horrible thing to happen all round.

so tooners i hope you have a nice weekend. and lets hope this is an end to it.

tooners said...

keda, i left a comment on your blog, so please email me if you'd like to. not to sound paranoid - but i can be sometimes - i did wonder if it's someone that's left nasty comments on my blog... threatening in a sense. i don't know, but i apologize for the confusion and for the comment. the week has started here, so i'm back at work. i hope you have a good weekend and i'm sorry for the distress this has caused. i know it caused some major distress on my side! but hopefully when i go to the new format, this prob won't be a problem. :)

smiles to you.

tooners said...

keda, alfanan is my husband and he was just responding to my distress. so i apologize if he offended you.

The Moody Minstrel said...

Keda, for what it's worth, I also checked out your site trying to find the offending "anon" comment supposedly from Tooners. Actually, I found that post both artful and cute...an interesting and surprisingly appropriate visual accompaniment to your story of cutting your children's hair short for the first time. It seemed to be symbolizing the loss of the innocence they were born with (like the "naked state") and the entry into the "clothed" (and short-haired) adult world.

Maybe that's just my take on it, but I appreciated it.

I was surprised by the "anon" comment that had Tooners' address linked to it. I've never known her to be quite so narrow minded. Actually, any address can be put into the URL line in the comment box, meaning anyone can wind up being a scapegoat (which makes me wonder if I've been a victim of that before...). I have to admit I was surprised by your response, though. You were right to defend yourself, but you seemed to be doing it by stereotyping Tooners. That went totally against the very (totally correct) advice you were trying to give. I don't know you, so I have no reason to attack you personally, and I also respect your artistry, but I hope you'll be a little more careful next time.

Whatever. It was all somebody's sick game, so I hope we can all get on with life.

keda said...

still couldn't see any email adres.. (maybe haloscan is being slow!)

however i just wanted to add (i forgot to earlier) that whoever posted at mine did actually come from bahrain, and it wasn't their first visit either. i can see from my stat counter that they have lurked before and were the only ones online at the time of the comment.

so i think your home or office has some security issues. and it could well be the same culprit :(

anyhow have a good week at work and hope you get it sorted :) i'm not a fan of blog wars horrid!

lets be better;)

tooners said...

moody, i agree w/ you and thanks for checking back! i immediately wondered where my nameb/homepage was being posted... i'm glad everything is ok now.

keda, security is an issue here and because of where i work and for whom i work, i've worried about things and wondered about things. someone has been leaving random comments on my blog - i get their emails - saying all sorts of things and then i've had a few who supposedly "know" me and who are going to get me into trouble for blogging, they like to threaten me. i have no idea if they're linked to what happened, but that paranoid part of my brain is saying they are. i need a stat counter and will put one on when i go to the new format.

thanks for stopping by and, again, i'm glad things are ok now. i don't like fueds either. i like your blog btw.

The Moody Minstrel said...

I just had a thought:

Any chance it might be that maid?

Olivia said...

Oh good heavens, this gets scarier the more comments I read...the maid? Gone but not gone?

I have noticed that in Blogger and other blogs, that store cookies with your username, etc - as long as it's the same computer, it will sort of auto log you in.
And 20six is worse - also stores your log in info, and you can use any name, email or webpage.

Did that make sense?

The Cookie Monsterrrrr said...

See what I mean?

(It's me, Olivia.)

BY THE WAY! The Webpage I used, Cute Overload, really IS cute! Go there, click on the bunny section, you will melt.

Olivia said...

That really was me, just in case you were worried ;)

I used Cookie Monster coz I've just eaten 3 choccie chip cookies...

tooners said...

ohhhhh olivia, those are the sweetest pictures i've ever seen! makes me want a bunny so bad! the white bunny w/ the fluff on its ears, how absolutely adorable! these are some of the best pics i've ever seen. thanks for sharing! one of the gray bunnies looks like a cat... don't know if you saw it or not. the one of the bunny laying on its stomach - too cute!

AND... you can stop at just three cookies?! a real cookie monster would have eaten the whole pack! ;) i know i would have! ;)

moody, i don't think the maid has anything to do w/ it. good theory though! ;) honestly, i think someone's using my computer at work. i left a post on a friend's blog day before yesterday and it left it as 'anon'. i didn't notice this until yesterday. i need to set up passwords for my computer, but i haven't. my husband has passwords on everything - he works here too. he's told me before to do this but i didn't - laziness. i'm not one who wants to walk around wondering if someone is reading or doing something to me or w/ what i'm doing, altho after a few posts i received a while back i started wondering. i was actually walking around paranoid for a while, but got past it, but now... i'm a bit worried again. altho my husband says he thinks it's someone looking for attention. i'm not one who beleives that so easily tho. personally, i think it was a weird post to make and wonder why it was done. and i wonder if it's been done any other places.

Olivia said...

LOL! Sometimes I can eat more, but I reached the end of the pack :P

Oh I am so glad you liked cute overload. Lots of the commenters say thing like they want to put the ickle bunny in their mouth. I think I know what they mean!

Bunnies are great that way. They can totally flop out, and sometimes so instantly you think they just keeled over!

Also, they stretch like cats.

mae mae said...

omg...this is so hilarious!!!!!

mae mae said...

the joke--that's what was hilarious.

i had no idea what was happening in your comments when i posted my first comment.