Lastnight I was watching the 1st season of Smallville and in one of the episodes some guy asked another person what they feared most.
I started thinking about this and thought about posing the question to you. What do you fear most?
I guess about 2:30 a.m. this morning, after not being able to sleep, I started thinking about this and should have gotten up to write about it cuz I tend to have the most brilliant of thoughts at this hour (or so I think), but I didn't. So... in thinking about it today and examining myself, I would have to say that if I still lived in the States and in the big city (Dallas, Plano area), I would have to say that my biggest fear would be of getting raped.
While living alone in the city and as a woman, you tend to think about these things - rape, murder, sexual assault and the likes. Or maybe it's just Americans who think about this stuff - I'm not sure - I guess since we're raised on fear, it seems appropriate now in thinking about it that I would obsess about that in my life.
In saying this, I can remember living in some apartments near Plano and it wasn't but right down the street that a lady was raped right outside of her garage when she was bringing in groceries one evening - her husband was w/ her and he was held at gunpoint while she was raped in front of him, and then the husband was shot and killed.... after hearing about this I can remember being really afraid. Rape was something that you heard about all the time. It was on news reports, in the paper... I even worked w/ a girl that had been raped in her own neighborhood by a guy that lived on one street over from her. She lived in Plano.
She had gone out for her morning run and he had been watching her and the schedule she kept for weeks. Well, that particular morning, he grabbed her and took her into the woods not too far from her house, where he proceeded to rape her multiple times over the next few hours. He also made her take off all of her clothes and follow him from place to place inside the woods.
I remember when she was telling me about it, about how her husband had asked her not to go that morning and how she had had second thoughts but went anyway..... and how she had seen this guy many times before, and the eerie feeling she got when she saw him that morning. She even crossed the street to avoid him, only for him to cross over to the same side. He held a gun to her head, smoked crack and threatened her life while he was raping her. Her husband and two daughters went out that morning after she didn't come home looking for her, not knowing that she was in the woods not far from their house w/ this maniac of a rapist.
He finally left her, after blindfolding her and telling her not to move. She waited until she couldn't hear him any longer, took off the blindfold and ran for her life. When she got out to the street, some ppl spotted her and took her to the hospital where her husband was called, the police, she filed a complaint, etc. She later went to court to testify against this man and they put him away... not for life, but for several years. She told me that the fear and memories lived inside of her though and wondered if they always would.
I've had what I consider to be two close encounters w/ this myself... nothing like what she experienced but it scared me nonetheless. Rape is a terrible thing and no woman should ever have to go through that... and I am thankful that I live in a country where I'm not afraid of that, like I was in the States. Not that Bahrain doesn't have problems w/ sexual assault because it does happen, but I don't feel afraid here like I did living in Dallas.
I have a lot of things that I fear... I'm not sure if it's really healthy, but I find that it's better to be open to the idea rather than to live in a fog that nothing will ever happen to you... plus, I'm really pretty much a fatalist, I would say.
Anyway... I think that this rape fear is not as strong as it used to be cuz I now live in Bahrain and I'm thankful for that.
My next biggest fear would be dying of cancer. This is scary to me and I really fear it. Yeah, I know it's sorta morbid to think about death and/or extreme fear, but I do it. I sometimes even think about how I will die. I don't sit and worry about it or anything and I don't think about it daily, but it has crossed my mind in the past. And when I do think about it, I think about cancer. So... this will be another post at a later time... about death... and I'll talk about cancer then... until then... tell me about what you fear most.
And to wrap this post up in a sweet way cuz I don't wanna bring all of you down by talking about rape and cancer ;) ... I'll end it here w/.... Have a good day my friends.. and enjoy your weekend! Today is the last day of my weekend, so I'm really trying to make the best of it!!