when tragedy strikes

last night, i guess about 11 p.m., i got two calls from my sister. since i had my phone on silent, it took me a bit to call her back. when i did, my BIL answered, sounding very serious and handed the phone to her. when she got on the phone, all i could hear was hysterical cries w/ her saying "he's dead".

i must say, whenever my sister calls and is crying, i immediately become panicked and think of all the worst scenarios, mainly my mother passing away or something serious happening to her.

when she said "he's dead", all i could think was "who".... and i had to get hold of myself and ask "what" so that i could fully understand what she was saying and then she told me thru sobs that her kitten, Greyson, had been killed by a car outside.

instead of being kind, like i should have, i immediately got mad and said, "why did you let him out" and then, "i told you not to let the cats out". she became hysterical and screamed at me and then hung up. i don't blame her.... i should have been totally different w/ her and completely regret how i acted, and have even apologized over and over to her.... but does it really make a difference? for a cat lover and someone who loves animals, and for someone that's been in the same situation, i should have never responded that way. but my pain for her was so severe that i let myself go to anger - because to hear the pain in her cries.... it was too much.

after probably 10 mins., she called me back. she was so upset. i hate to see my sister upset like this. i hate to hear that pain in her voice. she's like me and loves animals so very much. she's a really good furrbaby mamma.... so when something happens to one of her animals, the pain tends to be severe.

i told her how sorry i was for what i said, and that i was so sorry for what happened. instead of hiding my pain, like i usually do, i let myself feel it and cried w/ her.... she told me that Greyson was bad about minding and wouldn't stay inside, and that any time anyone opened the front door, he would dash out faster than you could blink an eye. but, on this morning, his stubborn behavior and feisty personality would prove deadly. it didn't seem to matter how many times she had sprayed water on him.. she even tried spanking him, but nothing worked - nothing would keep him inside that house. he had the type of personality that was bound to get him into trouble....

she got a knock on her door yesterday morning w/ a woman saying, "i think i killed your cat". it happened right in front of their house. i can't imagine leaving the house and being reminded of that.... i have had the same happen to me and each and every time i passed the place, i always imagined my cat getting ran over. it's a horrible feeling... a horrible thought... an unnecessary pain that lives on and on in your mind. through crying, my sister asked me, "why do ppl have to drive so fast down that street". i agree w/ her. one day, it's going to be a child that someone hits and then, maybe, they'll put in speed bumps or do something to stop the crazy driving.

my sis loved this little kitten more than anything. he was only about 7 mths old. he had beautiful dark grey fur... it was long and was the king of his castle, as all the other cats in the household could testify to.... he was a handful... scratching and tearing up some of her best pieces of furniture, trying to bite thru cables in the house, beating up on one of the older cats.... but... when he was sweet, there was nothing like him. he'd fall asleep right on top of you, right next to you... most nights sleeping in bed w/ my sister - under the covers matter of fact. and he loved my mom. when he was a little bitty kitten, he'd sleep w/ her.

my mom loved him just as much. she's in florida right now visiting family and when my sister called to tell her the tragic news, my mom broke down. my sister's daughter, who loves animals, like us, helped her daddy dig a grave for him next to the house and went out and bought flowers for the grave. i talked to her on the phone and she was sad, but seemed to be more upset for her mom.... that's the good thing about children.... the pain is less for them. i can remember getting over things so quickly as a young child. i had so many animals that died when i was young, but it seemed to only take a few hours to get over it... unlike now, when it takes me days and sometimes weeks... and, if the truth be known, i still mourn the death of some of my animals and will dream about them still.

last night, even though i'd try not to think about it, my thoughts kept going to my sister. i felt her pain.... knew how horrible she was feeling... for losing a beloved pet can be one of the hardest things to deal w/.... and i know that pain all too well. my heart weeps w/ her.... i know she loved that cat so much... we'd laugh so many times over the phone about him. my mom would tell me stories about how he would bite little pieces from her hands (not really, but my mom likes to blow up stories a bit)... and my sister still has scratch marks on her hands and arms from him. Greyson was a little hellion... he loved life. he'd run through their house, wouldn't mind anything my sister said... go out back in the yard and chase the other cats and make them all really upset. one of the cats that seemed to really hate him was searching the house for him as i was talking to my sister last night. my sister said she had sniffed his body. i wonder if the cat will mourn his death. i know when our little cat got hit by a car, our kitty, Amie, mourned that little cat for weeks it seemed.

today i wonder about my sister. i'll call her later tonight to see how she's doing. i hate asking because i don't want to bring up the pain... but it won't matter... for no matter if i ask or not, the pain is still there and will be there for a while to come. funny how this type of pain sticks w/ you long after the fact. i still think about all of my cats that have passed. me and hashim had one that got hit by a car... it was the worst feeling and it's something, as a pet lover, that you don't want to ever happen. we've lost another cat since living in bahrain and it was no easier. she suffered for a couple of weeks before passing. we have her buried outside... and i think of her all the time. i still feel pain in my heart for her.... i still miss her... i still love her. that love never dies.

i'm sorry dear sister for your pain. my heart is there for you.... and i only hope the pain is eased quickly.