Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Sick of being sick....
One of my blog buddies (Christopher aka Kissyfur aka The Diary of a Lost Boy) recently posted on my Back in Time post and asked if I was sad... I guess I am sad, in a way. Why is it that gay guys always know how to read me?!! Even in the past, they've always known.. it's like they can see right into my soul, and he's no different. Even when I try to hide it... you always know my friend.
So... this is it... or part of it... actually most of it... ;)
Naief has been sick for the last 5 months, off and on, and I feel exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally.
I promised to myself and Hashim that I wouldn't take him to my MILs school again after he got well this past time, but what did I do??? Because everyone was asking me why I don't bring him and such, and not wanting to seem like a bitch - I allowed the woman who works for us to take him there for short periods of time a couple of days last week - thinking that the short periods of time would keep him from catching anything, and it allowed me time to get a few things done, walk on the treadmill, etc. But as my mother pointed out, it's not going there that will make him ill... it's the germs floating around in the air that I need to worry about and the toys... since he wants to put everything into his mouth, and she was right. (I wish my mom was here to give me motherly advice all the time!! or at least not so far away... which is another reason for my sadness, but anyway...)
Needless to say, he got sick again. One of his cousins was deathly sick as well as the housemaid that watches him, and since his mother sends him to the school come hell or high water, every child catches what her child has, and Naief was no different.... and he's been super sick for the last 4 days.
This time it's the worst cold he's had. He has an upper respiratory infection and is having a hard time shaking the fever that is accompanying it... altho today, he seems much better. He can actually breathe outta his nose and he slept thru the night last night, which gave both of us much needed rest.
So... all of this has been taking a major toll on me. Today has been the first day that he's slept/napped w/out insisting on my holding him... and hasn't cried for most of the day... and I feel so thankful.
It's so difficult to see him sick. I can hardly take him having a hard time breathing and hearing him cough... it's tough. The smallest of things will upset him and if I get moody, well... he can feel it and it upsets him, and then it upsets me, so it's like a vicious circle that won't stop revolving around and around and around.
Yesterday (I think it was yesterday), he was downstairs in the kitchen w/ me and I was making dinner. He was on the floor crawling around, playing w/ his toys and then all of a sudden he burst out crying. I ran over to him and he was face down on the tile. My heart leaped... let me tell ya. I picked him up and got a tissue to wipe his eyes and mouth and when I did, there was blood. I looked down at him and there was blood coming from his mouth, which terrified me. All I could think is that he knocked a tooth loose or busted his lip or something.
Thankfully I'm really good at handling extremely stressful situations, so I was able to act fast.
I wiped the blood from his mouth and tried to look in his mouth but he was having nothing of it. I got out the water and gave him a big drink from it - knowing that the cold will help to slow down the blood flow, and then I put him back on my legs and asked to look in his mouth. Usually he won't allow it, but he did (obviously seeing the seriousness in my eyes), and there was blood between his two front teeth, so I took the tissue and had him bite on it and then looked again. I checked his teeth to make sure they weren't loose and then looked at his lips and from what I can tell, it was coming from the little piece of tissue (can't remember what it's called) that connects the lip to the gums...
After a few minutes, it stopped bleeding and he was fine, but my heart wasn't for a while.
Now I find that I'm afraid to even let him crawl around on the floor... but I know things will happen and he's going to get hurt, it's a part of life... but it's hard to see your baby bleeding. Makes me feel like a bad mother.
So... w/ this happening, my falling last week w/ him in my arms and then w/ him being sick again... I have felt like I'm doing something wrong and it's taking the life from me, for the most part or has when I let it...
I've started walking w/ him in the mornings and it seems to be helping both of us. Figuring the sun and fresh air will do him and mommy good, and since the weather is getting much cooler, I'm out trying to take full advantage of it, and think I'll continue doing it most mornings. Since he's waking up at 5:30 or 6 every morning... it gives both of us plenty of time to do things like this. And... it's helping my mood, so that's a plus, and he seems better today, so that's another plus.
On a lighter and more positive note, he has stopped crying in his highchair and is now eating w/out a problem... I think it was a phase and working him back into the routine of eating there, and he has also stopped crying in his stroller. We're able to walk for more than 40 mins without him having a problem... YAH!!! And he has started cruising along furniture or is starting to go there - taking little baby steps in that direction. He also participates in peek a boo and will slap me five... it's sooo cute!!