Well.. the weekend is over and the new week has begun.... amazing how fast weeks pass by. It's also amazing how quickly I lose track of time. Sometimes I forget to return phone calls... only remembering weeks down the road.... makes me wonder if ppl think I'm trying to be rude, altho I do usually apologize.
I feel somewhat ho hum today... I guess sort of melancholy... not in a depressed sort of way, but in a heightened sense of thought sort of way.
Been thinking a lot about the girls/women I know that are married to Bahrainis... and wondering why it is that we all seem to have the same issues w/ in-laws. Of course, some having more extreme variations while others only get a kick in the knee every other Friday or so. One friend has issues w/ hers, but handles it well... instead of staying away all together, she goes to the family gatherings - staying for a good 8 hrs or longer - and enjoys it. She does it for her child. She gave me tips the other day on how to handle things and how to make the best out of the time you're there... like... instead of staying inside, go into the garden, walk around, be around the chickens, ducks, birds... and spend the time being w/ your child, instead of inside, miserable. Good advice, I think.
Others that I know hate their in-laws. I remember meeting this woman back some 2 yrs ago and her in-laws were so bad that they made up stories about how she was trying to kill the FIL. She works at a hospital here in Bahrain, her FIL had to have some tests, and since she was one of the ppl doing them, the MIL started saying that she hadn't done her job properly and was purposely keeping information from him so that he would die. This was only one of many things that she had to deal with.... thankfully I've never had anything like that to deal with... don't know that I would have the strength to persevere. I remember her telling me that they'd never make her leave... no matter how how they tried, she would not let them... and I can so understand this and relate to it... since I've had my share of ppl trying their best to break us up and make me leave... but that's another story for another day.
I know many that are fake around their in-laws... smiling, pretending, making believe that they like them.... I used to do this... did it for many, many years... but I don't any more. It's not me and I'm not the kind to kiss ass, just to kiss it. Now... I'm not saying it's a bad thing... I understand why one does it... but I think there are huge negatives and huge positives that one has to deal w/ when one chooses to take that road.
I guess, in thinking about all of it, I can't help but ask, "why"? Why do we (ok, probably not all of us... there must be some families out there that love or at least respect their expat daughter-in-laws) have to live w/ this? Why do they treat us like this? Why is there so much lying, manipulation, sneaking around causing problems, nosiness, rudeness, fakeness, unfriendliness.... why do these women hate us so much? Is it because we're not like them? We look different, dress different, behave differently??? Or is it because they couldn't control their son and he married for love and who he wanted, and they absolutely can not stand it? God only knows, that's fer sure!
Here we are, away from our families, making our lives in a foreign land (which isn't always easy) trying to get along, loving their sons, but it isn't good enough. Why do they insist on making life so miserable for us? Used to... I thought it was me, but I've realized over the last several months, that it isn't. Yeah... I may not make anything easy, but you know... I used to. Now, I stand up for what I believe in. I don't cower down, afraid to say the wrong thing, act the wrong way ... for if I do, they may not like me.
And thank God!
I've stopped going over to my in-laws as much as I used to. We go only some Fridays and only stay for about an hour, and I only go there on rare occasions. The reason why??? It makes me feel miserable to be around ppl that I don't get along with... who would want to sit in a room making small talk, answering question after question, or coerced into revealing things or saying things that I have no desire to tell.... it's not for me.
We went this past Friday since my FIL is traveling... thinking it might be less complicated, but it wasn't. I felt the same way when I got home... mad at myself for going, mad at myself for not stepping in when my SIL tried to make it look like Naief was about to hit her son - when he was nowhere near her son - altho Hashim did say something and she shut up (I think I've finally realized she's jealous of our son)... I just felt all cruddy inside... like I need to hole up, become a hermit when it comes to seeing them... and stay away for as long as possible... and did I say I don't want my son playing w/ her son... yeah, I know... it's his cousin, but crap, I had cousins that I didn't see all the time and am fine because of it... it wont kill Naief not to see that child all the time.... don't ya think?
anyway... I haven't had a good, groaning post in a while, and since my blog friend, One Wink at a Time, got me to thinking about why that is a few days ago, I figured that it might be a good thing to write about it. so... here ya go. :)